Blago Bloggo's PDB Watch

Resident Obama: Leaving New England

2010-11-17T16:30:00.001-05:00

Resident Obama: Halloween in D.C.

2010-11-01T21:01:00.000-04:00

Chris Coons Comes Out

2010-10-21T11:39:00.001-04:00

Latest Gossip from unnamed sources at the Capitol Building

2010-10-04T22:45:00.001-04:00

When I was walking down the Capitol Steps tonight the director of Charlie Rangel's office was walking a heifer up the steps. I asked him what he was doing with a cow at the Capital. Was he playing a joke on someone?

"No," he said, "I got Bessie for the milk."

"You're going to have a cow in Rangel's offices," I observed.

"Yeah, her name's Bessie."

"Isn't that gross?"

"What do you mean?"

"What about the shit and the flies?" I asked.

"Bessie can get used to them," he answered.

Just a note on the refrigerator door

2010-10-03T22:11:00.004-04:00

Create jobs my ass

Jim Treacher stuck an interesting posty note to his fridge today, let's see what it says, shall we?

West Texas Boy|10.3.10 @ 8:59AM|#

I am so fucking tired of hearing - from both sides of the spectrum - that something needs to be done about "jobs."

FUCK "JOBS"

Jobs are a byproduct of healthy industry. They are not a goal in and of themselves and they most definitely are not something the government itself should be trying to encourage or create.

Jobs are what happen when someone has too much work to do by himself, so he gets someone to help. If you want to work, GO FUCKING WORK. Start a fucking business. Find something that you can do and do it and sell the product of your labor to others.

What? You don't want work for yourself? You want to work for someone else? Fine, but it's not businessowners' responsibility to employ people and its not the federal governments responsibility to somehow force them to. If you want a fucking job, then AGITATE THE FUCKING FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO EXPAND BUSINESS AND "JOBS" WILL COME. Make it easier for the people who actually do business and jobs will come as a byproduct. Jesus Christ, and you're also asking for higher taxes on the very people you need to create your precious JOBS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY? Why does everyone want to be treated like a child? And the goddam federal government ENCOURAGES this shit.

I am so fucking tired of this straight out of Marx shit that somehow the people are just entitled to share in someone else's fortune and capital in the name of "jobs." GO MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING JOB.

Businesses aren't in the business of making "jobs," they're in the business of CREATING VALUE FOR THEIR OWNERS. When you say that a business should be making more JOBS, you are saying that the capital of those business owners should not actually belong to them and belongs to the "workers". Thanks a fucking lot, Stalin.

"Fund Jobs Not Wars"

Has it every occurred to these people that only one of those is actually the responsibility of the federal government to fund, and its not "JOBS".

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I am surly this morning and this isn't helping.

Read responses-

I'm thinking it pretty much says it all...

So Commies Have Nothing to do with Obama and OneNation... WRONG

2010-10-03T02:30:00.001-04:00

In which Blago gets serious.

Why was this post on the Communist Party USA Website directly linked from the Organizing for America page for the OneNation march?

Why we march and vote

by: CPUSA
October 1 2010

tags: statement, protest, elections, racism, red baiting, democracy

On October 2, tens of thousands of people will stand together in Washington, D.C. demanding that Congress reject the Republican right-wing obstruction and put the creation of jobs and the plight of the jobless on the front burner.

The most crucial midterm elections in our nation's history are barely a month away. What's at stake? The future of the changes our country voted for in 2008 with the election of President Obama. The message then was clear: the voters had enough of the right-wing policies attacking working people, enough of endless war, racism, environmental destruction, hate and division.

But the forces of reaction and their supporters on Wall Street, in the right-wing talk shows and networks are regrouping. They are seeking to return to power by taking advantage of the tremendous frustration, fear and desperation of Americans who are suffering in the midst of the economic crisis.

Corporate America is doing everything possible to grow fear, hysteria and hatred. They aim to discredit, divide and derail the thing they fear most - the power of the united movement for change led by President Obama. That movement encompasses the labor, communities of color, women, youth, the LGBT community and their many allies,

They are stirring up confusion and hatred -- using as they always have -- the twin and vile pollutants of racism and red baiting.

They aim to tear apart the beautiful multi-racial, multi-national fabric that makes up this country, through the despicable use of racism and bias directed at Pres. Obama, African Americans, Latinos, other people of color, immigrants and the LGBT community. They seek to infect disaffected white Americans with racist ideas hoping they will vote against their self interests.

Corporate America is also using anti-communism and red baiting to confuse and divide the people's movement, charging Obama and the movement that elected him is "socialist." They seek to revive the "red scare" of the 1950s when McCarthyism disfigured the national discourse, undermined democracy and free speech, effectively divided the labor and people's movements, and setback progress for a generation.

But this is a different time. People have learned the bitter lessons of history. Millions are coming forward to counter fear and hate with unity and hope, and to protect the democratic majorities in Congress. The Communist Party USA and Young Communist League stand with them.

While thousands are rallying in Washington for jobs, hundreds of thousands of other patriotic Americans who can't make it will be there in spirit. They will spend their day canvassing door to door, phone banking, registering new voters and talking to their neighbors and co-workers about the issues.

This activism will ensure millions will also march united to the polls on Nov. 2. to guard the change they voted for in 2008.

Those who choose to stand in the way of this expression of the highest ideals of our nation, stand against the interest of the vast majority of the American people.

Please review this article with me. The communist party, in a page on the communist party's own website in which the official voice of the CPUSA promotes the October 2nd march, is claiming that the marchers have nothing to do with communism, despite the fact that the communists are among the marchers. They also note that anti-communism of the 50s set back the "progress" they wanted to make at the time for a generation. In other words, anti-communism set communism back by a generation. In other other words, it worked!

In this smoking gun of a note, the Communist Party of the USA combines a lot of claims. Let's list some of them.

All progressive goals are shared by communists. In other words, there is no substantive difference between progressives and communists. Hear that, progressive douchebags? You are identical to communists! And you're too stupid to realize it! Same for you TV and newspaper idjits. You're commies too! Ever wonder why the government wants to take your failing businesses over? Ever hear of Pravda and Izvestia? Yeah, that's your future, commies. Write what the government wants or look forward to a body bag. Try speaking truth to power then.
Communists are completely behind the goals of the Democratic Party and its leader, Barack "Uncle Joe" Obama. Are you Democrats who think you're still in the party of Harry Truman and Jack Kennedy sure you agree with goals that come from the Communist Party?
Communists blame Corporate America for the anti-communism of many TEA Partiers. This couldn't be further from the truth. All corporations have fully bought into diversity and preferential treatment of communist specified victim classes (Gramsci, if you want the name of the communist who specified them) by human resources departments everywhere. Tea Partiers identified communism around Obama because so many of his friends and family, including both his parents, step father, his two grandparents who raised him, his childhood mentor, his ghostwriter and bomb-making buddy Bill Ayers, and many of the people he sought out in college were communists or other types of marxists. Oh, and that doesn't even mention all the card carrying communists he put into the White House, starting with Van Jones and Anita Dunn. Even after being intentionally fooled by the progressive media, by progressive domination of education, the courts, many churches, and indoctrinating human resources departments, the American people are smart enough to identify a communist when he's wearing a Maoist red star on his Maoist army cap and waxing poetic about redistributing the wealth away from the capitalist robber barons. Anybody ever wonder where the jobs are coming from when everything that communists and other Democrats do crushes the abilities of small employers to hire people for a wage they can afford to pay? Small employers would create 80% of the jobs America needs to recover from the recession, but they are being prevented from hiring because Democrats have reinterpreted the laws and regulations in ways that make employers' continued existence and success uncertain. How can they prudently hire in such an environment without risking losing it all?
Communists claim that "white voters" would vote against their self interests by voting against the communist party's program. This isn't true either. The interests of all Americans are to have a more prosperous nation where we are all free. The Communist program will create a poorer nation, with unemployment permanently at 20% or higher, where the middle class joins the poor in a permanent underclass living on government assistance, where labor unions are banned, dissent is punished by disappearance, and our government's leaders become our masters instead of our public servants. As it always has, communism in the US would create a nation of slaves and destroy the economy and the ability to produce food. Starvation would result. Anyone who votes for communists is voting for their own destruction and that of their children and grandchildren.
Communists claim that the Tea Parties are driven by racism. This couldn't be further from the truth either. Tea Partiers are color blind, unlike the Communists themselves who divide Americans up into groups by race and other fault-lines in order to pit them against each other. They act as if the anti-communism of TEA Partiers was an obvious falsehood, when it is the communist party itself that with this article and many others has bragged it is part of Obama's coalition! Tea Partiers are driven by Americanism, by individualism, which is irrevocably opposed to communism, socialism, and progressivism. Tea Partiers have slowly come to realize this, and they are accepting that this time when they fight back the communists, as Americans had to do in the 50s, they will have to finish the fight instead of just leaving the beaten communists in peace. This time there will be no truce. The Republican leaders don't realize this yet, though some close to the leadership do. And this is the reason why the communists and progressives are so excitable about things. They realize all their plans to wreck America might be defeated forever, and they could be forced to emigrate to a country that is already communist or socialist. Such places are no fun to live in, especially when you are a failed communist.

By the way, when you visit this post it won't be the same. That's because the CPUSA edited it to try to change history after it had already happened. Remember how Joe Stalin would have the photos of people he had murdered removed from the photos in which they had once appeared? This is typical communist behavior, to change history so they can avoid getting blamed for their actions.

No Truth in Pravda, and No News in Izvestia.

Or in American, No Reality in Reality TV and No News in the News: Either paper or broadcast.

They edited their page because Communists are dedicated and trained liars. You need to watch out for them and turn your bullshit detector to high gain. Democrats who don't agree with the communist program still have time to get away from the progressive douchebags who have taken over their party. Either take the party back from them or quit the party altogether and join with the other party while we all fight off the progressive-communist threat.

Eventually we will beat those communist-progressive douchebags and send them back to Uranus, where they came from. Those assholes.

LCD stands for Lowest Common Denominator

2010-10-01T23:38:00.001-04:00

And that's what we are pandering to tonight. Babes! Bikinis! Machine Guns! Babes with muscles! Babes in cowboy hats.

Rock on Party People!

And did I mention that Gloria Allred got pwned by Greta Van Susteren tonight? Allred is going to have to go into hiding wherever idiots go to hide from the people who have seen through their charade. Allred, your days of pretending to serve the interests of your clients as you try to use them to create a scandal with which to tar a Republican candidate are over!

One more progressive douchebag, identified and neutralized!

Democrat Logo: Fixed It For You

2010-09-27T10:25:00.000-04:00

Progressive Douchebag Watch is a little late to the party but it finally struck us this week exactly what the new look Democrat logo really needs. First, here is the new look Democrat logo. Pretty (D)umb, right?

Let's examine it. The dim D, apparently standing for dim Democrat, is surrounded by the much bolder O, apparently standing for Obama. This illustrates the subservient nature of the Democratic Party to the personality cult of Obama. That is very important to the new fascist future of the USA under Maximum Leader Obama. There are three fonts in this logo, to demonstrate the incoherent policies and behavior of Democrats. And there is the same vacuous Change in the slogan, promising who knows what and delivering (D)isappointment and (D)espair to everyone. Good choices, Democrats. You have made a good start at describing Democrats' (D)umb party.

But you aren't there yet. Our crack staff thought that the circled D looked like a letter grade. Since the Democrats have manifestly failed in all they tried to do, it can't be the right grade. So let's fix that grade and make the slogan match it.

However, there is another possibility. D- might have been Obama's letter grade from Harvard.

That answer makes sense all right. But why would the Democrats want to advertise Obama's grades now, when they could have proved he actually passed Harvard without cheating by releasing these before the 2008 elections. Of course, Obama did give himself a grade of B-. Perhaps if the Democrats want to really become the Barack-ocrat Party they should just go all in now. Here is a logo that emphasizes the Barackyness of the Democratic Party and also reminds the voters of one of their proudest allies in the teachers' unions that have such a terrific job with the nation's failing schools.

After Velma Hart made her famous comment about Hot Dogs and Beans, the staff thought perhaps that the new reality Democrats had brought to Americans should be part of their logo. So they simplified back down to the original logo and changed the slogan to match.

But, you know the fact is that D just doesn't cut it. D is too high a grade for the Democrats. Unlike in school, effort doesn't count in real life. What counts is results. The real grade must be a low F. To really run on their undefeated record of failure after failure, going back 80 years to when Franklin Delano Roosevelt stretched out a one year recession into a 16 year Great Depression, every single economic and other decision made by the socialist/fascist FDR type of Democrats has proved that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and stupid Democrat policies.

We think that this final logo for the Democrats, I mean Failocrats, sums up the history of their party in the 20th and 21st century quite well. It's time to consign the socialist/fascist Democrats to the ash-heap of history along with all their logos.

Young Love in Trouble

2010-09-27T01:18:00.001-04:00

This skinny legged mack daddy seduced a lot of college kids in 2008, and now they are getting the morning after willing to chew their own arm off to get out from under his skanky ass blues. In other words, "Obama, it's not me. It's you!"

Who would have ever expected the halo to get rusty so soon?

What is funny about Boobs on TV?

2010-09-25T00:15:00.001-04:00

My brain doesn't work when I see Carrie Keagen. Somebody please explain to me what is funny about this in the comments. I don't see funny. I see awesome! of the level of awesomeness! reserved to the fricking awesome! US Constitution!

WTF?

I keep on playing it again and again and again and besides getting chapped palms am not making any headway.

Borat Sponsors, Passes Bill in US Congress to make peeing illegal

2010-09-24T23:53:00.001-04:00

Everyone noticed that Stephen Colbert testified about cornholing and corn-packing Iowans and all sorts of other corny jokes today, but nobody seems to get why. And no I don't mean because of Coate's testimony on the Vote Cheating Section of the Department of the Perversion of Justice. No, we all knew that was going to be ignored by the communist media vanguard and their communist lapdogs in the Democratic Party. I mean that today's stunt was an unsuccessful attempt by Colbert to one-up Al Franken's hilarious stunt of getting elected as the Junior Senator from Minnesota. The Franken comedy act is so subtle and yet so over the top, simultaneously, that people don't get it. Maybe if someone at NBC, where Zucker got zuckered out the door today, well, if NBC had a weekly show featuring the Junior Senator from Minnesota, say, on Saturday nights at 1130 eastern time, then people would get it. By it, I mean syphillis. Or trich.

But what has been so far un-noticed in the Stephen Colbert antics continuously broadcast by the hydrocephalic media is that Borat went into the House of Representatives today, flirted like a madman with Madam Speaker, and convinced her to pass a bill that made peeing illegal in the US. Then he took the bill over to Harry Reid, flirted with him like a madman, and got Harry "the needy reed gone to seed" Reid to pass the bill. Then he took the bill to the White House, and after some mad flirting with Michelle Obama, who hasn't been getting much attention from whats-his-name lately, got her to sign Barry's John Hancock onto the bill. That's how to get things done!

Now we will all have to hold it. Forever. I believe that Al Franken's massive practical joke on the American people has been beaten.

And remember, when you piss your pants, thank a progressive!

Will Gary McDowell let Grandpa die?

2010-09-24T21:52:00.003-04:00

Sources say; yes.

Is McDowell a good candidate for Michigan? Same sources; No.

In fact, Michigan may be thinking that Dan Benishek is the better choice soon.

Check out Benishek here, he's not a douchebag like McDowell.

Frankenfish Feast for the Fraidy-Cats

2010-09-23T17:13:00.004-04:00

Genetic scientists have engineered a breed of salmon that grows twice as fast and can be twice as large as salmon in the wild. It has been dubbed by the media as a "Frankenfish", a play on the organic foods community purjorative "Frankenfood".

An article by Marion Nestle in the Atlantic sums up the generic opposition to Genetically Modified foods:

Of course the public does not trust genetically modified foods. The foods are not labeled. If the biotech industry and the FDA want the public to trust them, they need to label the GM salmon and all the other GM foods in the marketplace.

The public wants the right to choose. The public should have the right to choose. The issue of GM foods cannot just be about safety. My mantra on this one: Even if genetically modified foods are safe, they are not necessarily acceptable.

Before I get to the issue of people's aversion to GM foods, I just want to say that when I find the individual who coined the term "Frankenfood" as a purjorative for these foods, I'm going to beat him with a sack of doorknobs and then force him to watch every episode of "Greg the Bunny" until he scoops out his eyes with a celophane tape dispenser. Frankenstein reanimated dead tissue. If a scientist developed a method of bringing dead grain and other food plants back to life after they had died, a person would have to be completely out of their gourd to oppose it. Said person should be sterilized immediately. Preferably with a rusty fork.

Doctor Moreau was the geneticist (at least, as close as H.G. Wells could conceive of it). But since Boris Karloff never played the Hyena-Swine creature on film and no one went to see the adaptation with Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer, people use the "Franken" term. It speaks to the ignorance of the individuals who both generated and continue to use the term.

Actually, considering the Freshman Senator from Minnesota, the "Franken" term may be apt. I mean, the guy just has to be an escaped genetic experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. There's simply no other explanation for it.The psychotic aversion to genetically modified foods by some has festered into a hatred far out-distancing any held by a Klansman, Third Reich operative or Democrat Party strategist (but I repeat myself). Rather than being content in themselves to simply eat foods certified as not being genetically modified, these circus side-show rejects insist that nobody should ever risk being exposed to possible contamination from italicized words or genetically modified foods. It's as if these people think that Resident Evil was a real event and actually filmed in a greenhouse.

No scientific study outside the ~~organic~~hippie foods industry has ever shown genetically modified foods to be harmful. There's more danger from eating tofu seventeen meals per week, taking the massive injection of estrogen into your system; the lack of animal protein starving your brain of desperately-needed nutrients that our genetic makeup requires for proper neurological development.

Speaking of hippie foods, why do these organic food eating vegan hippie retard pull-out-method-failure protazoa-dicks care about genetically modified salmon? Perhaps, in their diminished capacity resulting from not having the genetically required animal protein for advanced brain development, their thinking process seems somehow logical to them. "I'd never eat an animal and don't think anyone ever should, but only non-genetically modified salmon should be on anyone's dinner table!"

Stop trying to think, mouth breather. You might hurt yourself.

Of course, that's the extreme case. There are people who aren't vegan who oppose genetically modified food. These people need to be given a free one-way ticket to Mogadishu so they can experience a world without genetically modified foods. Not because Somalis turn down GM foods, of course. "No, I'm sorry, Mr. Peacekeeper Man, but you must take this rice away. It does not have a 'No GM seed' stamp on it. My family and I choose to starve rather than accept the product of a successful genetic experiment."

Um... Yeah, that seems likely.

Reality check: Almost all foods we have today were genetically modified through selective breeding. There is no place on Earth without genetically modified foods. The only way to go without genetically modified foods is to not eat. Or, y'know, eat pond scum.

In just 500 years, corn (or maize to you liberal veggie-loving brain dysfunctional types) has more than doubled the size of the cobb and tripled the mass of the individual grain. Tomatoes are larger, juicier and more resistant to disease than when they were first cultivated. Cucumbers are larger (and are increasingly enjoyed by lesbians, fat chicks and Barney Frank). Cows have grown in size and calmed in demeanor since being domesticated, while sheep are increasingly more attracitve and compliant in sub-dom relationships. Banana trees grow bigger fruit clusters and produce larger fruit (intimidating even the most virile vegan men). All by genetic manipulation. Much of it done for thousands of years by simple farmers who wouldn't have known a DNA strand from my Uncle Herb's ass hair.

Somehow, this type of genetic modification is okay to the religious leaders of the Church of Organic Foods. As long as it takes place slowly and over many generations, it's invisible to them. Maybe since they can't see it or feel it, it's like it's not there. Maybe Medicaid should take the same viewpoint when these tofu-swilling morons end up with prostate cancer.

Resident Obama: Situation Room

2010-09-12T04:18:00.001-04:00

Desperate Johnny

2010-07-30T13:50:00.003-04:00

No Offense, Cracka, it's just Bidness

2010-07-09T18:03:00.003-04:00

What y'all upset about?

Hmmm, I seem to have intercepted a strange communication;

I can see you're all upset about shit like this right here, where the NAACP is calling that Kenneth Gladney dude an "Uncle Tom" just 'cuz he don't "walk the walk" of a black man whose been victimized by society and can't get ahead 'cuz that same man, or "The Man" is keepin' the brother down.

Y'all got to understand, a person has to make a living, and being a Race Hustler is a competitive and demanding profession in 2010, what with all the damn equality and crap going on these days.

Now, a couple of the younger brothers might be getting a lil' out of hand lately with the death threats and attacks on some of y'all crackers, but you need to know, it's just bidness y'all. Aint nuthin but a thang!

Tell y'all what, you just help a brother out and it'll all go away. In other words, donate sucka!

Oh, and you might just wanna spread it around, my friends are hungry too.

Who the heck is this guy?

The Suck is Strong in This One

2010-07-08T00:05:00.007-04:00

Markos (of Daily Kos) is whining about why PMBNBC doesn't like him, and supposedly banned his lame ass;

I've criticized Chris Matthews before, sometimes harshly, and it never led to me being banned. This was not about criticizing some random MSNBC host, but about criticizing the network's token conservative, a man who wilts in the face of the awesome power of Twitter and its 140-character limit. Morning Joe happens to be Griffin's pet project at MSNBC. He's staked his career on it, and as such, lets Scarborough call the shots -- to the point of having its least successful host dictate the guest list of its most successful one.

At least Markos admits one thing, MSNBC is all leftist hackery, except, apparently (allegedly) Scarborough. Oh, and of course, @Markos now, cuz he's friggin banned. heh

Wow, MSNBC won't have him, who's left that's left? Maybe Kos can get a gig at Logo?

The Touch of Obamus

2010-06-26T14:36:00.004-04:00

Once upon a time a tiny nation had a great King. King Obamus was loved by his people, well, by 52% of them anyway. Obamus loved golfing and spent every minute possible on the links. One day while swinging wildly in a sand trap Obamus saw a satyr cavorting drunkenly on the green. They partnered for the remaining holes and Obamus took Slickus Willus, the satyr, home to the White Palace. There Obamus and his wife, Wookie, entertained him with lavish parties, sparing no expense. After several weeks of non-stop party, all on the taxpayers dime, the satyr brought a strange man to meet Obamus. The man was hugely fat, extremely sweaty, red-faced and appeared to be out of breath. He was clothed in only a towel which he held with one pudgy hand to keep it from slipping off. Obamus instantly recognized Goreacle, the god of nature, drunkenness, polar bears and massage parlors.

"I owe you a debt of gratitude," said the strange towel wearing god, "Slickus Willus is my teacher and my boon companion, he has told me how you found him lost upon the green and of the millions of your taxpayers dollars you have wasted upon his entertainment since you rescued him. I will grant thee one wish as thanks for your unselfish redistribution of wealth."

Obamus instantly knew what he wanted, the King of Phrygia, one of the neighboring kingdoms, had recently received a gift from Dionysus. King Midas' touch could turn things to gold. A power like that would be even better than pay-go.

"Let me make my wish perfectly clear," began Obamus, but just then a young servant girl walked past with a flagon of wine.

"Uhhm, yea, ok, done," said the god over his shoulder. The towel was still fluttering to the ground at Obamus' feet while the god rushed after the servant girl, whispering cajolingly.
Obamus rushed off to try out his new powers. Bursting into the throne room he found his advisor, the dread Rahmbus. "Check this out!" said the excited Obamus, grabbing Rahmbus' arm. Rambus emitted a short lived shriek and turned to... something totally disgusting. Now it was Obamus' turn to shriek. Advisers and fellow travellers rushed into the throne room to see what was wrong. Obamus was wild with fear and confusion. The throne was now a huge dripping pile of crap, as was the desk, the other furniture and poor Rahmbo. "Where is all this corn coming from?" mumbled poor confused Obamus, "Find that disgusting god!"

The Goreacle was nowhere to be found. Weeks passed, then months. Obamus' advisors calmed him and kept him aloof, he seldom met with people from outside his inner circle. Rumors began to spread throughout the kingdom. Rahmbo and the throne room had been cleaned, though the odor lingered. Obamus took to wearing gloves, and kept on with his agenda of stealing from his subjects and growing his government at their expense. He no longer touched anything, the Wookie was thrilled, but strange things began to happen.

Obamus' favored aristocrats began to be overthrown by the people. Obamus' own handpicked General, leading Obamus' "good war" turned against him and had to be flushed. Every new law that Obamus and his minions forced upon the people only served to anger them, the percentage of people who loved Obamus plummeted. Obamus' handpicked judges and sherrifs were hated by the people, a group of aristocrats in the rubber stamping houses of legislation began to oppose his every move. Obamus and his minions continued to spend like drunken sailors but with no gold to refill the coffers the foreign nations that lent Obamus the money began to circle like vultures waiting for teh overladen beast to fall. Obamus's Touch had grown beyond the need for physical touch, anything Obamus now desired was tainted and turned to... crap.

An evil witch appeared in the throne room one day. Nancus told Obamus he must travel to the headwaters of the great river and throw himself in to wash away the Goreacle's failed, inverted spell. She volunteered to take him herself on the broomstick Obamus' government had provided her. They flew for hours till they reached the small creek flowing from a mountain spring. Obamus leaped into the waters, desperate to salvage his agenda for the kingdom. At the instant he hit the waters thunder pealed across the heavens, Nancus' broomstick turned to a canoe and plopped into the now thick, brown, reeking waters of the creek. As Obamus clambered aboard the tiny canoe he heard Nancus exclaim, "Great, we don't have any paddles... and where did all that corn come from?"

Separated at birth

2010-06-17T20:08:00.001-04:00

Dirty Harry Reid

2010-06-10T20:51:00.001-04:00

Census Cats

2010-06-08T00:24:00.002-04:00

And now for the Cheech and Chong routine about the census cats:.. Only, Cheech has been under the weather and filling in for him is President Obama, who accepted this bullshit gig because he doesn't get enough positive mentions in the press.

Obama: [knock knock]

Chong: Yeah, man, what the fuck? I mean who in hell are you?

Obama: Sir, Uh, I've been trying to find out who lives, uh, in that house across the street. Nobody, uh, nobody answers.

Chong: Yeah man, that's a funny place, man. Why the fuck are you calling me Sir, Mister Preside... oh fuck I fucked that up. Shit. [pause] Hey, you got a light?

Obama: Uh, no.

Chong: Just a hemidemisemiquaver then, man, Ima go grab a light offa the stove.

Obama: Uh. That's okay then.

[a very long wait]

Chong: Man, that electric stove really sucks as a lighter man. Doesn't light a cancer stick worth a tinker's damn. I had to hold my cig against the eye for like five minutes. And then I had to smoke a bong cuz I can't believe the fucking President is at my front door. Man, this is some crazy shit or I been smoking some crazier shit!

Obama: Uh. So... about the house across the street.

Chong: Yeah, man, what a bunch of crazy cats over there man. They keep crazy hours and shit man. Must be fifteen or twenty of them.

Obama: Fifteen or twenty? Is that one family?

Chong: Yeah, man, it's like an extended family and shit with grandparents and parents and little kitties, man.

Obama: Grandparents, and parents, uh, and little kiddies?

Chong: Yeah, man, those are some crazy cats over there. You ought to hear their music, man. Like something Yoko Ono would sing in space, if there was sound in space. Which there isn't.

Obama: Fifteen, uh, are you sure about that fifteen?

Chong: Yeah, man, fifteen easy. [whispers] Say, are you high too? You saying "uh" a lot like you're stoned or something, man.

Obama: [frowns] Thank you sir, that's what I needed to know. You have done a great service to the census and the correct distribution of federal funds.

Cheech: Okay, laterz, man. ... Man what a funny dude, man. Why does the census care about an empty house full of cats and shit?

Obama: [furious, into Blackberry] Timmy? I want you to send your nastiest IRS motherfuckers out and crawl up this guy's asshole and audit him back to the day he was born, and his parents to the day they were born, and back through the generations until the fall of the Roman Empire in Istanbul. Find some fucking dirt on him. Oh, and send $15 million in stimulus money to the poor family of artists across the street.

A *ucktard, by any other name…

2010-05-26T22:17:00.005-04:00

With the recent dearth of real issues to contend with in DC, the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee (wow, that goes together like Alcohol, Tobbacco and Firearms, doesn't it?) unanimously approved the bill that will, if passed, become Rosa’s Law. From The Hill:

Rosa’s Law, introduced by Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.), had strong bipartisan support.
It would replace the terms “mental retardation” with “intellectual disability” and “mentally retarded individual” to “individual with an intellectual disability.

It doesn’t take a Cro-Magnon to realize how much better off the American people are with the Senate tied up on issues like these. I mean they could be actively screwing us over like they did in December, remember?

But it does leave us with one nagging question. What do we call Joe Biden? Let’s face it, while “the intellectually disabled Joe Biden” does carry a smidgen of humor it will get old. Fast. Will the ‘tard suffix still be usable or will that be illegalized as well? If they take that away from us it eliminates several of my personal favorites!

We can always use the Wicked Witch of the West’s advice and “Wait till its passed to find out what’s in it” but I, for one, would like to have my adjectives prepped and ready to fire when needed. And we’re going to need them Monday when Biden opens the gaff-o-matic at Arlington.

I’m going to need the help of all the Progressive DoucheBag Watchers for this one. Open thread, have at it…

Democrats this stupid might forget to breathe

2010-04-01T13:40:00.002-04:00

The only thing worse than an ideologically stupid Democrat is an old ideologically stupid Democrat, like Hank here;

His "concern" is "...that the whole island may become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."

Admiral Robert Willard, being questioned by dipshit du jour Hank Johnson, shows how he got to be Admiral, by not laughing hysterically at congressional dumbasses and some of their more stupid "concerns".

Remember, these dumbasses think they're smarter than you.

So shut up.

Why Don't We Get Slobbering Love Letters Like This at PDBWatch?

2010-03-30T20:06:00.002-04:00

Some douchebag named Klatu, apparently styling himself after that wonderful example of Beatles copycatting from the 70s, featuring rumors that they were secretly the reunited Beatles, that was going to be the next best thing since the Beatles, wrote a nastygram to some people I know. They don't particularly like me. I'm too retarded in my politeness for their tastes. But they did let me see this slobbering love letter from Klaatu.

He also calls himself happy boy. Pretty fricking droll, hunh?

From: Dan Klatu <vzok7@hotNOSPAMmail BOT com>
Date: Tue, Mar 30, 2010 at 6:07 PM
Subject: Thank You!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you from empowering the morons in this country. I enjoy how anger has become your currency. If toothless tea party members ran this country, it would be a faster road to not listening to the idiots who are your main voice. Don't you ever wonder why almost no one you know has a global view- of course you don't. Maybe they'll sneak off in the dead of night and get their teeth fixed under (oh no!!!) Obama care. Most people who have any balanced view just pity you. You are the pawns (look it up) of the rich and powerful. They rely on your ineptness to help fuel the rage which keeps them semi-powerful. You have the same idiot's mentality that al qaeda has. You can't see anything but what you've been fed. Wake up and travel. I'm willing to bet most of your sheep have never been out of their state let alone out of the country. We've got you figured out and you'll never go anywhere. What morons you all are.

Happy Boy

Here is my loving, considered response:

Dear Danny "Mister Happy Boy" Klaatu,

Sometimes I call a certain something "happy boy," but not in public, douchebag. Maybe your problem is that you aspired to be one of the morons in this country. It would be a huuuuuuge fricking step up from where you are now, butt nugget. Why don't you go ask George Soros, multi-billionaire hedge fund pirate and funder of all sorts of left-wing socialist-fascist-communist mouthpiece front-organizations like Schmedia Schmatters and Schmoooove-On (Yeah Right) Dot fricking Schmorg, how your lovely progressive buddies like Barry and Barney have helped him steal billions of dollars out of the wallets of Americans for the past four years, since the Democriminals took control in 2007? Yeah, your side's benefactor is picking everybody's pocket. He even robbed your wallet, you fooled and sheared Democrat sheep, and all your fellow Democrat riders on the short bus. Turns out there is a lot of money in doing that. Some friend of the American worker you are, drinking the chief money vampire's hateraid and chomping his chocohate chip cookies and acting like the Tea Party gang are the haters, while he robs you blind.

And that is what I think about you, Mister Happy Boy, or should I really be calling you Mister Softee?

Your ~~mortal enemy~~pal,
Bloggo Baggins

p.s. You are a serious douchebag. Get some professional help.

The French to the rescue?

2010-03-30T18:16:00.003-04:00

President Obama wants France to help him turn the tide in Afghanistan.

No, don't look back. You read it right the first time. The ObaMessiah wants the help of the people who got whooped by the Germans at least three times in 70 years, then proceded to get their asses handed to them by the Vietnamese only to come running to us for help. These are the people responsible for half of the problems in the Middle East in the first place, and Teh Won wants their help?

Obama is likely to ask Sarkozy to add to France's current total of 3,750 troops, mostly trainers for the Afghan military. Of course, Bambi dithered for four months trying to figure out the politically acceptable number of troops to send to Afghanistan. Had he supplied General McCrystal with the full complement troops asked for in the first place, he might not need France's help now. Sending more American troops, after all, would be tantamount to admitting that he made a mistake not sending more back then.

And of course, the ObaMessiah is never wrong...

Bambi can't risk fracturing the already strained liberal coalition. Each constituency has their "cause du-jour". One faction wants the U.S. out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Another wants us out of Iraq but fighting the Taliban. Another couldn't care less about the war as long as Obamacare is enacted. Still more are desperate Crap & Tax, Gun Control™, punitive taxes on the rich and/or environmental regulations that send us back to the Bronze Age.

But this coalition is strained. Now they've got "their guy". He promised them he could deliver everything they wanted and pay for it with fairy farts and leprechaun snot. So they want him to make it happen, and each one wants him to make their issue his top priority. The longer he waits on their particular favorite issue, the angrier they are getting.

So he got Obamacare. Now he needs this darn pesky war to go away so he can focus on his other constituencies. So he goes to the nation that is easily his closest ideological ally: France. Y'know, the country that has been trying to enact socialism since before Marx wrote his manifesto. The country that forces people to work fewer hours to ensure artificially lower unemployment rates. The country that has riots every time a Minister of Parliament sneezes. The country that actually licenses line dance callers for "safety purposes". Yeah. France.

Now, I'm not about to say to the French, "No, you can't send your troops to Afghanistan." The more help we have killing Taliban jihadists, the better; and frankly the Foreign Legion is one good thing the French military has going for it. That said, for Teh Won to come groveling to Sarkozy for help is utterly ridiculous. The French public hate that French troops are in Afghanistan in the first place. They don't want us to succeed, or at least, not with their help.

Bambi can't swallow his pride and admit to America he was wrong. His whole political existence is built upon being right, dammit! Bambi is never wrong! Don't you know that?!?! He's never wrong! He's NEVER WRONG!!!1!11!!1!

Separated at Birth

2010-03-23T20:13:00.002-04:00

Joke: The Priest's last wish

2010-03-15T18:00:00.001-04:00

In Washington DC an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.

He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The House and Senate waited for a response. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Pelosi, “This certainly will help our images and might even get me re-elected.”

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Reid’s hand in his right hand and Pelosi’s hand in his left.

Nancy Pelosi asked: “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And so since Jesus died between two lying thieving bastards, I would like to do the same!”

The True Voice of Obama Revealed at Last

2010-03-02T08:07:00.000-05:00

From all signs, Resident Obama's real voice is not the mellifluous baritone with which we are so familiar from his 450 or so public speeches in 2009. In reality, it's more of a nasal, high-pitched north-side Chicago accent.

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech

Check it out, check-it-outers (props to RedEye)

Barack Obama will be admitted to Celebrity Rehab

2010-03-01T04:01:00.001-05:00

Hey, where are all the black people at?

2010-02-18T22:11:00.001-05:00

Keith "Worst Douchebag in the World" Olbermann wants to know where all the black people are.

Keith, just so you know, they are at tea parties getting beaten up by SEIU thugs and having their skin cropped cropped out of the shot by racist network news editors.

An interview goes very wrong

2010-02-15T23:36:00.001-05:00

Keith Olbermann meets a hostile interview: Joe Average Voter.

Robot Bartender

2010-02-04T18:10:00.002-05:00

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

The Promised Land

2010-02-04T18:06:00.001-05:00

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land".

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, Savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Karachi Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Zinn is Everywhere

2010-02-04T17:03:00.001-05:00

Howeird Zinn was a religious fanatic, and a bad historian. A religious fanatic, you say? But how is that possible? He was a communist, an atheist, a secular humanist, an anarchist, anything but religious.

Yes, he was. Those are religions too. Even socialism.

There is this to be said in behalf of avowed and doctrinaire
socialists, that their faith in the State is sublime. To them, the
institution of political power is the unerring shepherd of the flock,
the guide to the Good Society; it is also the antidote for all evil,
the maker of abundance, the embodiment of justice, the sublimation of
human aspirations. That they believe. To be sure, they affect an
elaborate rationalism, something they call dialectical materialism,
which in turn rests on a verbal agglomeration known as Marxian
economics. Logic and fact without end have been applied to these
notions to prove that they are only notions. But all this cerebration
has turned out to be sheer waste of effort as far as influencing the
true worshipers is concerned. They still believe. One cannot help but
marvel at, and admire, their devotional integrity.
The religion of socialism will come into its own, its devotees maintain, only when the devil worship of capitalism is done in.

Poor Howeird Zinn. I hope he enjoys his new job as Satan's inverted umbrella stand.

DOJ Now With Even More Kafkaesque

2010-02-03T21:18:00.001-05:00

In case Eric Holder's Department of Justice isn't Kafkaesque enough, with dropping clear-cut cases of voter intimidation that had already been won against New Black Panthers who were filmed outside a polling place swinging nightsticks and telling white people not to vote there, prosecuting Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in a civilian criminal court in New Fricking York for waging war against the United States, sending Elian Gonzalez back to the communist hellhole of Cuba (yes, Holder was the one), and refusing to pursue charges against ACORN, guess what? It can get even more Kafkaesque.

Justice is advertising for prospective trial attorneys in its Civil Rights Division. The ad specifically says that the department encourages applicants who suffer from “mental retardation” and “mental illness.” It is one thing to accommodate those with illnesses that do not otherwise render them unfit to serve in a highly demanding and elite corps of DOJ attorneys; but to seek out those who are “mentally retarded” for special consideration is certainly novel.

Here is the screenshot for your non-progressive eyes to see. Progressives will not need to see evidence with their eyes. They process every vying truth claim through their ideology lobe instead of using common sense and getting the facts straight.

So it is possible that the DOJ could send a mentally ill, mentally retarded, completely paralyzed, blind, and deaf attorney with dwarfism and gigantism out to pursue a RICO case against ACORN and SEIU.

...

Suddenly it doesn't seem quite so unexpected...

Barack Obama Reads My Pet Goat

2010-01-26T01:04:00.003-05:00

Resident Obama knows Healthcare

2010-01-22T23:38:00.000-05:00

What if the Despicable Woody Allen were black?

2010-01-21T15:20:00.001-05:00

Ever wonder what would have happened to Woody Allen if he were black and he married his step-daughter? Well, now we have the chance to see. Morgan Freeman, you know the guy who played God in those Bruce Almighty movies, is marrying his step-granddaughter.

What the hell?

Progressive Douchebags almost passed law saying "a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people"

2010-01-21T13:56:00.002-05:00

Reason mag pointed out that the Oregon House, anticipating defeat in a public referendum on its tax increase plan, inserted cunning language into the bill stating that a successful public referendum to defeat the tax increase would actually approve the tax increase, and an unsuccessful one would defeat it.

Lies lies lies, typical progressive douchebag Democrat lies.

"A measure referred to the people by referendum petition may not be adopted unless it receives an affirmative majority of the total votes cast on the measure rejecting the measure. For purposes of this subsection, a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people."

I believe the formal name of the measure was the "FUCK YOU PEOPLE" rule.

Scot Brown proves it: People want more liberal bullshit!

2010-01-20T18:48:00.003-05:00

It's quite clear what the voters of Massachusetts told us yesterday when they elected Scott Brown, the Conservative Republican, to the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy:

"WE WANT MORE LIBERAL BULLSHIT!"

The voters of the most liberal state in the nation told us that, in an act of pure irony, they wanted more hopey-changey stuff! They want Obamacare! They want Crap and Tax! They want Unionization by Intimidation (aka Card Check). They want more Chicago-style back-room deals! So logically, they voted for the conservative Republican.

Just look at the following e-mail from Moveon.org:

Dear MoveOn member,

Watching a conservative Republican replace Ted Kennedy in the Senate is simply devastating.

But as bad as the news is this morning, there's actually one reason to be hopeful.

For the last year, most Democrats in Washington have let lobbyists and corporate interests run roughshod over the people's business. Wall Street got bailouts. Bankers got bonuses. Big Insurance rewrote the health care bill. Meanwhile, ordinary Americans continue to struggle to make ends meet.

But now, finally, Democrats know they need to change course to win back voters' confidence. The question is, will they learn exactly the wrong lesson? Will they give up on change altogether? Drop health care reform? Follow the lead of conservatives like Joe Lieberman and Evan Bayh and embrace "Republican-lite"?

We need to make sure Democrats don't get it wrong this time. It's time to demand that they start truly fighting for working families. Pass real health care reform. Rein in Wall street. Take on the banks and special interests that stand in the way of change.

And so on. Now check out this from Levana Health:

America was angry in 2008. Angry with a sinking economy. Angry with a country headed in the wrong direction.

In 2008, America voted for change. We voted to stand up to Wall Street. We voted to clean up Washington. And we voted to guarantee everyone quality, affordable health care.

Last night in Massachusetts, voters stood up and told us that they're still angry and that they still want change. And politicians in Washington must deliver, or else.

With evidence like this, how can anyone deny that Americans desperately want more and more progressive douchebaggery? How can anyone say that Americans don't feel thrilled at the prospect of surrendering their personal sovereignty and handing over 1/6 of the American economy to a Federal Government that is so good at doing things like delivering the mail?! How can Americans not be excited at the idea of IRS-like regulations every time they get a cut on their finger?!

Time to face facts, people: Scott Brown's election to the Senate from Massachusetts is a win for liberalism! Anyone who says otherwise is just a selfish, teabagging astroturfer!

So buck up, liberal America! Scott Brown is a big, big win for you!

/snark

FIFY Contest: Burgers at the Waterloo

2010-01-20T01:05:00.007-05:00

Come on and participate. Here's the basic picture.

And here are the FIFY-fied photo mashups.

If you want the blank original here you go.

Comment with your photo mashup. They are fun!

Siraj Haqqani is a dead man walking

2010-01-14T15:14:00.001-05:00

This is disgusting. From the Jawa Report.

Siraj Haqqani is the chief operating officer of the deadliest terror network in the Afhanistan/Pakistan (Af/Pak) theater, the Haqqani terror network. It was established by Siraj’s father, the senile Jed Clampett of jihad, Jalaluddin Haqqani. A heretofore remorseless criminal organization, the Haqqanis realized the real growth industry (i.e. money) for the group laid in embracing the jihad. In a stunning come to ~~Jesus~~, (whoops) come to Allah moment, the Haqqanis magically embraced the war against the Infidel, as well as defenseless Muslims who didn’t toe their Sharia line. What many don’t know is how much dirty laundry hangs off that line.

When Siraj, who is said to rival Mullah Omar for Taliban leadership, isn’t sending his toughest soldiers to roam the bazaars in search of the little blue pills he uses to fuel a thirst for young boys that would have made Michael Jackson blush, he is busy making sure the closet door remains firmly shut on one of the Taliban’s most damning skeletons, the Haqqani pornography ring.

The ring features Siraj’s physician, Dr. Hassan Duraz as its Ron Jeremy, Siraj’s uncle, Ibrahim as the impresario producer/director and Siraj’s cousin, Ishak as the auteur cinematographer.

Read all of it and watch the video if you must. Tweet it on. This video needs to go viral in order for Haqqani to pay with his life.

White House Cocaine Fiends?

2010-01-13T19:36:00.005-05:00

The Save Jersey Blog was poking around on 4chan.org, where Anonymous hangs out, when it found something going on and took a screenshot. Three ~~lines of cocaine~~ lemon pixie sticks ready to be abused by an unhappy office worker with an iPhone.

Oops! Guess what? iPhones embed all sorts of metadata in their photos, like GPS coordinates and shit.

Need to see it better? Click here.

Guess where those GPS coordinates point? 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue... The White House. It may not be a crack house, but people have done coke there before.

So, is it a prank? Or is it real? I choose to believe it's real, like HOAX and CHAINS are real.

Hahahahaha! I guess I'm not blacker than Obama anymore! Hahahahahahaaaaa!

Who else is getting in on the fun?

Ironic Surrealism, Riehl World View, Snapped Shot, Save Jersey, Jawa Report

Why Thank You, Lori Ziganto!

2010-01-13T11:51:00.001-05:00

Blago has a crush right back at you.

And at sexy, I mean S. E., Cupp.

A Call for Posters and Watchers

2010-01-12T10:29:00.001-05:00

If you ever wanted to post your snark at PDB Watch, now is the time. Do you have an account here? Use it. Do you want an account? Tell me.

For those who haven't posted, and have the accounts... You should post on PDBWatch. And you should feel guilty, guilty, guilty, GUILTY. For it is guilt that elevates conservatives over progressive douchebags, who only feel shame when they have been caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, and sometimes not then. Nowadays it seems they only feel shame when they lose a political battle, so their only moral imperative is winning at any cost and the only thing that shames them is losing.

Sounds good to me. Let's see that they find their way to Shamed Loserville in Miserable Loservania.

In order to bring shame and guilt back into their lives, Democrats and other progressive douchebags need to be drenched in the stink and shame of political disaster as completely as if they had fallen into the Calumet Sewage Treatment works and been sucked underneath several times.

How can PDBWatch help in that struggle? Damned if I know, but you still oughtta

feel guilty.
post.

In that order.

Who is the classiest MFer in the world?

2010-01-11T09:45:00.001-05:00

The one and only Blago, of course, is the classiest MFing douchebag in the F'ing world. From Esqueer, via the Daily Caller.

It’s such a cynical business, and most of the people in the business are full of shit and phonies, but I was real, man — and am real. This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we hope the guy is. What the fuck? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter. I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.

I'm blacker than Barack Obama too, and I'm a F'ing hobbit!

Harry Reid just another Racist Democrat

2010-01-11T09:26:00.001-05:00

What else do you expect from the party that supported slavery in 1860 and wants to make everyone, black, yellow, red and white, a bought and paid subject of the progressive elites and their governmental-corporatist fascism: Patty cake?

Progressive douchebags!

The Happy Sequel to Halloween XVII

2010-01-08T16:05:00.001-05:00

woooooo hooooooo!

America Rising: An Open Letter to Democrat Politicians

2010-01-05T22:01:00.000-05:00

There is another version of this on YouTube that seems broken. This one works for me.

Victorious: Danceable Agitprop

2010-01-05T21:48:00.001-05:00

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!

Conservatives Victorious in 2010/2012 from Erick Brockway on Vimeo.

Who wants to improve schools for black students? Not Democrats or Unions!

2009-12-23T13:49:00.003-05:00

We all know the stories of how the most "progressive" places in America, like Detroit, are the most messed up. They are expensive, rotten, perverse hellholes that exalt criminality while punishing virtue. The schools, especially the mainly black and inner-city schools most dominated by "do-gooder" progressive douchebags, are just like Detroit, though kids aren't allowed to move out of schools on their own. If they could... The schools would have as many empty seats as Detroit has abandoned homes and businesses.

The Foundry takes on the educational kleptocrats wielding the insight of Walter Williams like a ginsu knife on a stubborn tin can. Read the whole dissection.

Screenwriter of Nine is that weird guy in the comic book store

2009-12-23T13:20:00.001-05:00

You know the one. The one who tries to reduce everything in the world to a metaphor that is expressed by the characters in the Justice League of America, or the X-Men, or Twilight. Yeah, the one who spits when he talks, so you need goggles to cover your eyes, and wipers for your goggles, and a SARS mask for your mouth and nose, and a tazer held at the ready... Just in case he goes berserk.

Nine is definitely not a movie to see until it shows up on TNT. And maybe not even then.

Why did Jimmah Carter backtrack on all his Jew hating rhetoric?

2009-12-23T12:57:00.001-05:00

If you suspected that perhaps the grandson of the worst president of the USA prior to Obama was running for public office in a district with a substantial Jewish population then you would be right! You see, there is an iron clad rule with progressives. Whenever they say something, they lie. Just look for the lie in anything they say for public attribution and you will discover a festering pool of concentrated latrine filth. And naturally, the progressive groupie media is careful to help Carter pretend away the real reason he made a change.

What a douchebag!

In other news, my left nut could make better foreign policy than my President

2009-12-23T12:36:00.002-05:00

According to Nile Gardiner of the Telegraph, Big Brother Barack Obama's Top Ten Foreign Policy failures are:

Surrendering to Russia over Missile Defense
Appeasing the Mullahs of Iran
Because they have never negotiated in bad faith or broken the Laws of Nations before... Oh, wait.
Ending the War on Terror
And replacing it with "Overseas Contingency Operations Against Man-Caused Disasters."
Announcing a Surge while Declaring an Exit
"All right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to send in extra troops for a year and a half. Then we will pull them out. So if you Al Qaeda headchoppers want to lay low in Somalia or Pakistan for the duration, go ahead. When we pull out then you can come back to Afghanistan and resume the slaughter of girls for learning to read."
Apologising to France for America’s “Arrogance”
Sacre Fricking Bleu!
Giving DVDs to the British Prime Minister
And what about that ipod with Obama's greatest speeches for the Queen and the plastic gewgaws from the White House gift shop for the British PM's children?
Siding with Marxists in Honduras
Bowing to Emperors and Kings
Embracing Genocidal Killers in Sudan
Throwing Churchill out of The White House

I'm good with these though I do think both the World Apology Tours were huge errors.

Build-a-bear Workshop Climate Change Hysteria

2009-12-22T23:51:00.001-05:00

Want to scare kids with propaganda about the fricking North Pole melting? Build-a-Douchebag Workshop does!

Chrissy Matthews: Republicans are the Dixiecrat Party of the Confederacy

2009-12-22T23:45:00.001-05:00

Once a douchebag, always a douchebag. I also love the way Chrissy talks over the Republican piñata for about 20 seconds before letting him answer.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Hugo Chavez declares Santa Claus the son of the devil

2009-12-22T01:06:00.001-05:00

Hugo the Douchebag Chavez accused the US and Colombia of sending unmanned spy planes over Venezuela and ordered his military to shoot down any aircraft detected. The Venezuelan Fister in Chief has been sponsoring FARC narco-terrorists inside Colombia for several years, and evidence was discovered on a rebel laptop last year linking the US Democrat party to the FARC terrorists. But this year, Chavez appears to have mistaken Santa's sleigh, which was conducting preliminary scouting expeditions of Venezuela in order to build plans to evade Burgomeister Meisterburger Chavez's anti-toy squads.

And isn't that what Christmas is all about, getting the toys to the kids and evading the government's perverse anti-toy secret police?

If they call you a TEABAGGER, call them FISTERS

2009-12-21T15:27:00.002-05:00

The People's Cube has it 1000% correct. Fister is the correct comeback for progressive douchebags who call you a Tea-Bagger. Make them defend Kevin Jennings' awesome FIST of safe schools.

UPDATE: "Happy Fistivus" Midwinter Festival

And for the Ultimate in Fistivus Celebrations, just Fist Me!

h/t: S-dogg

Rainbow Warrior the Ship of Lies

2009-12-21T13:04:00.001-05:00

Great prank from Nopenhagen/Flopenhagen/Copendonut.

FIFY Contest: The Tiger and the Palamino

2009-12-17T20:10:00.001-05:00

What in hell is FIFY?

FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

I love that word: Palamino.

When you finish the FIFY, post it in a comment on this post. Anonymous comments are allowed and flames encouraged. I'm getting tired of shadowy strangers dropping off their FIFY drawings at my hobbit hole in the middle of the night; and no I don't mean it like that... I'm not the queerbait from Shytown after all. I shouldn't have to pick up after you. Geez! Can't a hobbit and accused felon catch a break? You do know how to post your FIFY in a comment!

Right?

If you don't... First, you login to your gmail account. Then you look up at the top of the home page for gmail and click on More, Photos. Now you're in Picasa. Create a photo album and upload your picture. Then put a link to the picture in a comment. Done. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I mean, geez! And is Aunt Flo ever OFF the rag?

Hey Obama! Thanks a Lot!

2009-12-17T16:49:00.001-05:00

Chicken Little Says 'Stop Scaring the Farmyard Animals!' to Robin Redbreast as she leads the other birds into Foxy Loxy's lair

2009-12-16T23:25:00.001-05:00

Obama the Panderer of Panic

The Federal Government will go Bankrupt if Healthcare costs aren't reined in with a 2000 page $2.5T healthcare reform bill by next Tuesday.

“If we don't pass it, here's the guarantee….your premiums will go up, your employers are going to load up more costs on you,” he said. “Potentially they're going to drop your coverage, because they just can't afford an increase of 25 percent, 30 percent in terms of the costs of providing health care to employees each and every year. “

Obama the Bipartisan Smooth Talker

Democratic Party policies like the Stimulus haven't been as bad as Republicans make it out to be, and Democrats and Republicans can find a way to work together to bring back the small businesses that have been cutting payroll instead of trying to grow. Notice an implicit contradiction in that message?

President Barack Obama told House Republican leaders to "stop trying to frighten the American people" even as he and Democrats said they see a possibility for bipartisan cooperation on job creation legislation.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) told reporters that Obama made the admonition during a bipartisan meeting at the White House on Wednesday, producing a chart to show Republicans that "things are a lot better."

Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said there was broad agreement on their side of the aisle about how to create jobs by aiding small businesses and boosting infrastructure spending.

Read Chicken Little. Insert another character, Robin Redbreast, who warns the birds that their trip with Foxy Loxy will come to no good before they troop off after him, and is told off by Chicken Little for scaring the other girls. That's what Obama is doing, blaming the one with good advice for scaring the other birds when he is the one who has been stoking their panic since the beginning.

Yeah, it's a stretch. Truth is, he's just a lying progressive douchebag. But you know that already. We all do.

Climate Change Key is fewer people

2009-12-11T10:06:00.002-05:00

China has enough experience with the lao-gai, the sale of Falun Gong organs from living prisoner donors, and the one-child policy to opine on this. China's vice-minister of the National Population and Family Commission of China, Zhao Baige, says the key to making this whole Anthropogenic Global Warming cult work is to have fewer people in the world.

I think we have a good idea of what the symbol for the pagan cult of Global Warmening should be.

The fiery child-killing ovens of Moloch

Update: Diane Francis, of the Canadian Financial Post, agrees that a one-child-policy is needed. She has two children. Which of her children does she want to throw into Moloch's fire first? Or is she merely a lying douchebag, like I expect? "Two kids for me, one for thee," and all that progressive bullshit.

Video: The Boys From al-Qaeda

2009-12-04T21:32:00.001-05:00

Funny as hell!

h/t Phineas Fahrquar

Resident Obama holds a Golf Summit

2009-12-04T19:41:00.001-05:00

Tiger Jokes: Tiger Woods practiced with his putz on some easy holes

2009-12-03T17:10:00.008-05:00

Time for the Tiger Woods jokes. Yes, we have had fun with Tiger Woods' douche-baggery. Now it's time for jokes!

But first, enjoy the Aunt Flo masterpiece to the right and look for my photo-mashup at the bottom. Waillaway Clubs just cracks me up! Tiger too, apparently...

Here are the jokes... all the jokes I found on the Internet that were funny... ALL 83 different jokes that were funny, even a few that are closely related to each other, plus one I made up (it's the title joke).

Ignoring legal advice, Tiger Woods is finally revealing the reason for his car accident early last Friday morning: “I’m embarrassed to admit this, but, yes, I was speeding…but only to the mall to be first in line for the Black Friday sales, or, in my case, the Half-Black Friday sales.”
Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.
Ping just offered Tiger Woods' wife an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They'll be named Elin Woods…”the clubs you can beat Tiger with.”
News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash. They are calling it “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.”
Maybe Tiger Woods could have prevented his troubles with his pretty blonde wife if he'd just had a little OJ that morning!
Tiger Woods had some lacerations on his lip when he crashed his car the day after Thanksgiving... He claimed it's self-inflicted and normal for golfers.. stating, "I always make cuts on Friday"..
Even though he's at the top of his game, Tiger's still working on his schwing.
Tiger Woods Syndrome: Too many strokes with his putz.
Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole.
It’s not often that Tiger Woods starts out with a bad drive, hits a water hazard, and ends up in the trees.
It’s the first time Tiger’s driven less then 250 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. Apparently he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
He stated that his Escalade became uncontrollable and crashed into the fire hydrant and tree. Once again, a golfer blames his troubles on his Caddy.
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?
Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he's ever had. So Gillette dropped his contract.
After a wayward drive, Tiger Woods found water before nestling behind a tree
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.
Tiger just hates it when he drives, and then his balls hit a tree.
Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.
Tiger’s confused. Every other time he made a hole-in-one, everyone was all happy about it.
Tiger’s car still runs, but it goes “putt, putt, putt…”
What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common? Both were clubbed by a Scandanavian.
Tiger Woods is tree under.
One of Jimmy Kimmel's jokes from last night: "The tabloids are chock full of stories about Tiger Woods and various women. He wrote on his Web site today that he was guilty of 'transgressions' - which is a classy way of saying some of his foursomes were actually threesomes."
One of Jay Leno's many Tiger jokes from last night:"This Tiger Woods thing is having an effect on a lot of people. In fact, earlier today, Elizabeth Edwards went out and bought a new set of golf clubs. I didn't even know that she played."
George Lopez and Wanda Sykes have both made the same racist joke about Tiger's crash.
- Wanda's version is "The black man in Tiger bought the Escalade and the asian man in him can't drive it."
- George's version is "Tiger Woods black half bought the Escalade and his asian half wrecked it."
What did Tiger Woods' wife do with the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving dinner? She made him a club sandwich.
With a swing like that, maybe Elin needs to play the PGA tour...
Tiger's Attorneys issued the following statement: "Mr. Woods would like to take a mulligan."
Elin was heard screaming in front of her's and Tiger's house at 2:45AM. "Four! What do you mean four!? I only took three swings!"
Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 4.”
If the only person that can beat Tiger is a blonde with big breasts, it’s time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.   
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played around in Australia.
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 9 iron.
What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.
First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?
Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.
New Nike motto: Just do them.
I finally out-drove Tiger Woods.
it’s really not that surprising. everyone knows driving is the worst part of his game.
Tiger Woods just announced that he is enrolling in Chris Brown’s school of self-defense.
He should have used a driver …
What do a golf ball and an SUV have in common? Tiger Woods drives both into trees on occasion.
What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge? He can back up his pitching wedge!
Steve Williams is worried. He heard Tiger’s getting a new Caddy.
I understand Tiger was trying to decide which new product to pitch, Budweiser or Coors. His mistake was taking them out for a test drive.
Introducing the 2010 Cadillac Escalade TW Edition: fire hydrant hood ornament and 7-iron come as standard options.
I don’t know what set Elin Woods off… All Tiger said was “Rachel has a much a tighter grip.”
Q – What are two differences between Tiger Woods and the Chicago Bears? A – #1: Tiger Woods took a worse beating last weekend. #2: The Rams ARE playing next weekend.
I hear Tiger Woods' wife Elin is pregnant again. Tiger had another accident while trying to pull out.
I hear that Mizuno is coming out with a new set of “Rescue” clubs called The Tiger Slayer Edition signed by Elin Nordegrin. Don’t mess with a Viking holding onto a club.
Obama just had a last minute change…instead of 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, now sending only 10,000, plus Mrs. Woods and a plane-load of 9-irons.
President Obama is looking for an exit strategy from Afghanistan. He should interview Tiger about his exit strategy from interviews by the cops.
Tiger Woods announced today that he would sit out from golf the rest of the year in order to heal from injuries received in a recent accident. Rumor has it that his wife Elin will be swinging the clubs in his place.
What really got Elin teed off was Tiger’s unplayable lie.
Lately Tiger's putz ~~have~~ has been all over the place.
Tiger’s wife isn’t too disappointed. Not only will she collect a lot of money, but she claims that sex with Tiger was below par... he always shot that hole in less than 4 strokes!
One more thing…..is there any truth to the rumor that Jaimee Grubbs belongs to the Audubon Society? She’s reported to have seen an extremely rare woods-pecker upwards of 20 times.
A couple were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I`m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That`s no big thing in this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” says the wife.

“I`m hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes Over to the phone.

“What are you doing now?” she says.

“I`m still hungry so I was going to ring room service and order some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole!”
Tiger is now wearing a new aftershave Called “Swedish Iron” it's strong and can rearrange your facial features.
When Tiger quits Golf he is starting up a new career “Driving Instructor Crash Survival”
Tiger Woods won't be playing any more tournaments this year. However,I'm sure he will sneak in a few holes here and there.
Tiger Woods complained after being fined $174 for his accident Friday morning, saying that normally for driving into a water hazard and hitting a tree he should only receive one penalty stroke.
What does Tiger Woods and Levi Johnston have in common??? They both have trouble pulling out.
The shortest drive of Tiger's career.
Even the great ones get stuck in the trees from time to time. Ironically, it was his wife who was tee-ing off.

It's not all bad news though... Tiger's wife has been asked to play the T-1000 in the new Terminator movie. It's called "Terminator: Fore"
Hey, maybe Tiger Woods isn't all that great a golfer. Seems like he spends a lot of time getting caught in the bushes.
When asked about what he had seen, Tiger's neighbor said: All I know is that I ain't seen anybody swing a golf club that hard with a running start since Happy Gilmore!
Tiger Wood's wife Elin Nordegren agreed to appear on " Larry King Live " to apologize for the brutal beating she gave her husband last week . She told Larry, "You know, under this blonde hair, white skin, and make-up, I'm really just another Chris Brown ."
Tiger's wife really got pissed at his lame excuse. He said: "Honey, I'm a golf pro. That means, every day, I need to play a round."

and finally, the easy one I made up
Apparently Tiger has been practicing with his putz on some easy holes.

UPDATE 12/4/09

Why did Tiger leave the house so early? He had a 2:30 tree time.
What do a Cadillac SUV and a Nike golf ball have in common? Tiger Woods can drive them both into the trees.
What does Tiger Woods have in common with skunks and moles?. They all like to eat Grubbs.
Jack Nicklaus commented: "I repeat, he plays a game with which I am unfamiliar."
Did you hear that Tiger Woods is going to quit golf to play pro Hockey? Yeah, because for the rest of his life he will be giving out checks.
What was the first thing Tiger said to his wife after putting the Escalade into a Tree? "Can I improve my lie?"
Did you hear that Cadillac has dropped Tiger as a sponsor? Not to worry though... Hummer is very interested!
In breaking news, Trojan Condoms is in serious negotiations with Accenture to license their advertising catchphrase "Go on. Be a Tiger".
Did you hear Tiger Woods is dating the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? He told his wife he was off to squeeze in a quick 18 holes.
What's black and white and red all over? Tiger at 3AM.
EA is adding a new feature to EA Tiger Woods. Now not only do you keep score on the course, but also off the course.
Should Tiger Woods be playing the Hooters Tour?

Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World: Chrissy "Enemy Camp" Matthews

2009-12-01T22:23:00.004-05:00

In a display of vapidity unseen since the last time Larry King adjusted his suspenders, Chrissy "The Tingler" Matthews today called West Point "The Enemy Camp" for Obama. May Chrissy now and forever be known as Chrissy "Enemy Camp" Matthews.

Hey moronicus maximus. He's the effing Commander in effing Chief, you quasi-brainless stupido-pundit! In a development that would only surprise a progressive, the Keith Olbermann Memorial Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World Award goes to Chrissy formerly "The Tingler", now "Enemy Camp" Matthews!

What a dishonor!

The Science is Settled: Nobody is laughing at Progressives

2009-12-01T01:52:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh, who do I think I am kidding? We are all laughing at progressives! Snickering up our sleeves. The same way we laugh at retards. And baby seals when we club them.

Global Warming's Got a Fever

2009-11-30T09:49:00.001-05:00

From Michael Ramirez at IBD via Powerline.

Gun Control's Racist Roots

2009-11-27T23:19:00.001-05:00

You have to watch these excellent videos that expose the racist roots of Gun Control laws, which were first designed by progressives and other Democrats (from the KKK and other racist organizations) to disarm black people in the USA.

It's all about the right to self-defense, baby. Something that progressives don't realize, since they don't think anyone should be secure in their home, in their life, or in their property.

Tiger Woods slow motion 2:25 AM crash into fire hydrant, tree

2009-11-27T15:05:00.001-05:00

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the world right now, perhaps the best of all time, and one of today's greatest athletes. Those who haven't played golf have no idea how difficult it is to do what Woods does. I admire Woods as much as someone can admire a sports figure, so it pains me to say that Tiger Woods is a douchebag. He might or might not be progressive (I have my suspicions) but in order to drive out of his driveway at 2:25 AM and crash into a fire hydrant, then into a tree, and need to be taken to the hospital, he could not have been in his right mind.

Yeah, it sure sounds like he was drunk as a skunk. That's a douchebag move! Tiger, you should have known better. Next time you're drunk out of your mind and need to run down to the store to get baby formula call a taxi or limo service. We all commit douchebaggery on occasion, but usually manage to avoid obviously stupid moves like this.

Geez! What a Douchebag!

The Real Story of Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T14:38:00.001-05:00

A day late and ten dollars short (the effects of inflation) we present to you the real story of Thanksgiving and the now-forgotten communist experiment at Plymouth Colony.

'Christian' goes on the Hajj: Will wonders never cease?

2009-11-25T13:28:00.001-05:00

Seems that Obama's 'Christian' granny in Kenya is going on the Hajj at this very moment, in late November 2009. Yeah, the Hajj is the religious trip where Muslims from all around the world go to Mecca and Medina and trample each other to death while throwing stones at other stones. If you finish the Hajj pilgrimage you get to call yourself "Hajji."

Only problem is, that it is mega-uber-illegal-like-instant-death-penalty for Christian "infidels" to go on Hajj or even to visit Mecca. And you know how chop-happy the Saudi headsman is, right?

So here's the question. Is Obama's granny really a Muslim, and how exactly did AP come to claim she was Christian? Somebody is lying. Either the AP or the Obama campaign flat out lied about his Kenyan granny, who is most assuredly a Muslim, or she would never be allowed to go on the Hajj.

Someone is a lying piece of shit progressive douchebag. Who?

Jim Treacher MIGHT BE THE BEST HUMORIST EVER!

2009-11-25T11:00:00.001-05:00

Next to Aunt Flo, that is. No, really. I mean it.

Read this!

Update: On further reflection I believe the dance is called a ho-down.

Stalin Honored for D-Day Contributions

2009-11-25T03:12:00.000-05:00

Forget for a minute that he didn't send a single soldier to the D-Day landings, and that he was busy arresting his own army officers and sending them to the Gulag, Josef Stalin deserves a bust in the D-Day Museum in Bumfuzzle Virginia.

WTF?

Katie Couric makes cover of Newsweek

2009-11-25T00:05:00.002-05:00

What kind of moron bases serious scientific studies on a computer program?

2009-11-24T19:25:00.001-05:00

Apparently the CRU gang did. Jones, Wigley, Mann, Hansen, and the whole gang of liars, cheats, and bullies. Typical progressive plot, to prostitute what they are supposedly doing in order to strengthen their political position.

It's all about power, not truth, in progressive douchebag land.

Stimuluselessness and the Great Depression mark 2.0

2009-11-24T10:43:00.001-05:00

The idea that Government, by borrowing money from ordinary people and spending it on bullshit that nobody wants, needs, or asked for, can bring a shocked economy back to life is so obviously retarded that only a Progressive Douchebag could ever possibly believe it. Even Keynes didn't believe it, though Progressive Douchebags have twisted his words to pretend that he did.

Right now the progressive douchebag policies enacted since Pelosi's douchebags took over in 2007 have us in Great Depression mark 2.0. But you say, we only have 10% unemployment! Youth unemployment is only at 50%. There was growth this quarter. To which I answer:

Bullshit! The real jobless rate is 17.5%.

Look at this graph, comparing unemployment in the current DEPRESSION to the GREAT DEPRESSION, and weep at what the progressives have done. Again. Just like they did in Hoover's and FDR's administrations. They are set on destroying our economy, and in the crisis reforging America as a socialist meddler that will never give you a millisecond of privacy or leave you alone to do one, goddamn thing.

Nudge nudge nudge nudge nudge.

New York, New York

2009-11-23T20:42:00.000-05:00

Start spreading the News..

One of the funniest songs ever!

Most grotesque story of the day

2009-11-21T01:23:00.001-05:00

Would you believe a Peruvian murder gang that dismembered victims and sold their rendered fat to European cosmetics company as an anti-wrinkle treatment?

FIFY Contest: Barry's Girls

2009-11-20T20:19:00.018-05:00

What in hell is FIFY?

FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

When a picture just needs an extra touch of magic to be perfect, and you are the right person to put that extra touch of magic on it, that's when you say FIFY, "fixed it for you." The only rule for a FIFY is that you should make whatever changes you make and end up with an image file that can be uploaded to twitpic and viewed on this and other blogs. Add a comment with each entry.

It turns out that Oprah, who dedicated her TV show to electing Barack Obama in 2008, isn't getting along as well with Barry's ~~husband~~wife as expected.

Catfight!

Fix this one, pally walzies.It ought to be fun!

From Spork Hugh	From Aunt Flo
From Blago Bloggo	From Aunt Flo
From Blago Bloggo	From Blago Bloggo
From Aunt Flo	From Aunt Flo
From Blago Bloggo

Mr. Hand goes to Washington

2009-11-20T12:45:00.003-05:00

First off let's start some music by clicking here. Give it a minute, wait till the music starts........Turn up your speakers and spark a doobie...are you ready? OK.

Remember the guy from high school that everyone thought was a loser? You know, the guy that carried around an empty backpack and always had a cigarette behind his ear?

Remember? He used to sit in the back of class and quietly fall asleep or stare at the wall? The guy that came to school stoned and was on a first name basis with everyone from the principal to campus security? Remember that guy?

I don't think Resident Obama ever quite grew up...

The Adventures of Resident Obama

2009-11-15T14:47:00.001-05:00

Black Privileged Douchebag

2009-11-11T19:59:00.003-05:00

Because he is a cafe au lait-skinned architecture professor of remote African descent, and a douchebag, Lionel McIntyre knows that in douchebag politically correct racial preferences-land that gives him the racially based privilege to punch a white woman in the eye and get away with it

scot free. It's a sure thing that Columbia University would never punish a black man for beating up a white woman, right? Or a man for beating up a woman.

Certainly not a tenured black man. Or any tenured man. Or any tenured person. Unless he or she was not a member of a privileged minority category, or not a Democrat.

Hey Present Hopenchange, did McIntyre just do something stupid? Or maybe the woman to whom he gave a black eye was the one who did something really stupid?

Yeah, I thought so.

Political correctness is sooooooooooooooooo dead.

Douchebag in Chief marks worst terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11 with a board game weekend at Camp David

2009-11-08T15:08:00.001-05:00

So after Nidal Malik Hasan went all sudden jihad syndrome at Fort Hood and after shouting 'Allahu Akbar,' killed 13 while wounding 28, we got to see the difference between class and a douchebag. The Douchebag in Chief covered all his political bases with the Interior Department at a speech for 2 minutes before even mentioning the Fort Hood shootings. He warned people against jumping to any conclusions that the killer was an American Muslim who had decided to go to Jihad terror war with his own country. Then he went right back into the politicking.

Turns out that Obama did not go to visit Fort Hood, though he will appear there for the memorial service, which will be heavily covered by the Pravda press. But there was another who visited Fort Hood already, in the dark of night, directing that the press not make a big deal of it. He and his wife were there to comfort and commiserate with the military and civilian personnel at Fort Hood, and not to run an interminable political campaign.

In the meantime, the Douchebag in Chief relaxed at Camp David.

Barack Hussein Obama is a lucky guy that he doesn't have to worry about Jihad, huh? Why would that be now? Just asking...

Thanks to Clarice Feldman and Dan Riehl.

Froma Harrop, if that is your real name, you may not be a tea-bagger

2009-11-07T01:07:00.001-05:00

But if you are not a tea-bagger, it's only because you're not a homosexual male with an obsession over huge scrotal sacs. Try talking with Anderson Cooper, who, with David Shuster, Rachel "the twelve year old boy" Maddow, and Keith Olbermann, collectively seem to find the phrase "tea-bagger" incredibly invigorating. I'm guessing you aren't a tea-bagger, Froma, because you are really a salad-tosser. That's about what I get out of your rude, crude, and blooched potty-mouth crap in this stupid article.

Bite me. Or maybe more appropriately, salad-tosser, kiss my winking, crinkling ass!

Froma! As if!

Pay to Pray: Chicago Church Raffles off $1000 out of the offering

2009-11-06T08:34:00.001-05:00

Stealing from the poorbox

Money changers in the temple

These old sayings are all about keeping mammon out of the church when people are there, on Sunday morning, to pray and make themselves right with God. In a way that is typical of Chicago with its pay to play politics, a Chicago church is now giving cash prizes totaling $1000 to three lucky attendees just for sitting in the lucky seat.

Luck or Prayer: Pick One

Douchebags! Missing! the! Point!

Either the crack slowly opening in Ethiopia will create an Ocean in Africa

2009-11-06T00:44:00.001-05:00

Or Gaia is about to have the biggest bowel movement and shit out the largest turd of all time... Unless you count the Moon as the largest turd of all time.

Read the whole ludicrous thing.

Joke: Pelosi and the Old Cow

2009-11-06T00:16:00.001-05:00

Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy.

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of scotch whisky, the wife cooked me a great meal and the daughter made love to me.'

'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy.

'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.'

Barack Obama graduated at the bottom of his class at University

2009-11-03T01:58:00.004-05:00

Not many folks know that Barack Obama attended a highly elitist university on the outskirts of Washington D.C.

You know, I probably should have interviewed Bill Clinton for this piece, cause he knows quite a bit about the outskirts of Washington D.C….but I digress……..The name of the institution is the University of Delaware Imminent Presidents School.

The UDIPS Core Curriculum was designed by liberal Democrats to educate leaders for a future society in which there is no private property and in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state.

Development of knowledge, skills, and values that should be held in common by all graduates of the university, are tightly regulated and rationed. Oh…and no gays allowed.

The central purpose of the University core curriculum is to teach men and women economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

Although the UDIPS curriculum seeks to dilute and smother individual talents, its primary emphasis is in preparation for a stage of society between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay.

Through their core curriculum courses, students will develop the ability to:

1. pass spending bills costing the country trillions of dollars, and wasting our national wealth.

2. reverse federal bans on abortion, thus opening the door to massive partial birth abortions and infanticide in general.

3. appoint former failed campaign contributors and tax cheats to your staff, thus exhibiting your desire to place private allegiances above properly qualified employees.

4. appoint Secretary of State’s who have no geopolitical experience, and are called upon to confront some of our world’s most dangerous dictators and settle unstable political disputes.

But whether he was ‘throwing’ the ball around by the giant pansy fountain or smoking pot in back of the library, rest assured Barry wasn’t 100% marinated in politics the whole time at UDIPS.

He had a wide range of classes and activities to choose from. And the famous Pansywaist cafeteria to ensure a heaping helping of real-world utopian grandeur.

Barry was head of the Science club…where they tried bringing back old tired ideas and legislation from the dead.

Barry was not the best student at the school and often had to stay after class to master the basic concepts.

When failing to grasp even the most fundamental of lessons, you could often find Barry trying out for team sports.

UDIPS has a good basketball program and the ‘Fighting Pansies’ always give it their all during the twice-a-year match-up with Rio Linda, it’s always a barn-burner. Actually, no, it’s not. The ‘Institute of Advanced Conservative Studies’ has dominated the series due to their star-player Rush Limbaugh, who consistently holds Barry to zero points. Limbaugh is so good that he should probably play Obama with one hand tied behind his back, just to make it fair.

He tried out for the football team at one point, but dressing out with the other guys in the locker-room was becoming a distraction….umm….do to his undisputedly large….umm….huevos?

He was actually intimidating some of the more…umm….under-nourished….players.

The UDIPS baseball coaches have put together winning teams in the past and are looking forward to another successful season playing Pansy hardball! Looks like Barry might make the team this year.

And….we’re not going to bring up that other tryout…

Not many people realize that UDIPS has Military training as a required course. It didn’t take long for folks to realize that Military ops was not a strong-suit of Obama. First he tried Flight-school…

He was failing in outdoor maneuvers and classroom tactics.

Then, he tried Paratroopers. There was a minor incident on the first jump…

Whatever the challenge, Barry just couldn’t muster enough courage to get through the tough times.

So, with a little nudging from the Dean, the Challenged Students Supervisor found Obama a course he could handle and be proud of.

Barry got to meet lots of friends and he has a special place in his year-book with messages from two of his cherished life-long buddies.

His approval-rating is in the tank but his self-esteem remains high, due to the affirmative action of a the great University of Delaware’s Imminent Presidents School. Cranking out socialist wind-bags for president since….well……..since this one.

Dededefeated!

2009-11-01T14:22:00.004-05:00

This was King Dedede's announcement that he was suspending his campaign for Congressman to the 23rd District of New York. (via memeorandum)

Dear Friends and Supporters:

Throughout the course of my campaign for Congress, I have made the people of the 23rd District and the issues that affect them the focal point of my campaign. As a life long resident of this District, I care deeply and passionately about its people and our way of life. Whether as a candidate for Congress, a State Assemblyman or the King of Dreamland, I have always sought to act with the best interest of our District and its residents in mind—and today I again seek to act for the good of our community and its delicious fruit.

The opportunity to run as the Republican and Royalist Party candidate to represent the 23rd District has been and remains one of the greatest honors of my life. As a member of the penguin minority of this district, I have always had my own challenges from anti-penguin bigots. Yet, during the past several months, as I’ve traveled the district, meeting and talking with voters about the issues that matter most to them, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of support I’ve received from open-minded constituents as I sought to serve as their voice in Washington. However, as Winston Churchill once said, Democracy can be a fickle employer, and the road to public office is not always a smooth one.

My road to Washington DC has been diverted by a pink puffball, Kirby, who was running as the Free Markets for Fruit Party candidate after failing to receive the Republican Party endorsement. Perhaps the most notorious of his actions followed after my ill-advised decision to hold a press conference in front of Kirby's campaign headquarters, at which I was outshouted by the pink puffball's mindless minions.

King Dedede's press conference in front of the Kirby campaign headquarters

Shortly after the above photo was taken Kirby clobbered me with a giant hammer and knocked me out of the picture at a velocity of roughly 11,000 mph and a 35 degree angle from the horizontal. My allies, including the Great Newt and Frank Rich of the New Penguin Times, have been very kind, but I am afraid that I cannot defeat Kirby at this time as he has transformed into Metallic Kirby and is now invulnerable. I can clobber him all I want but it doesn't do any good.

In recent days polls have indicated I don't have a chance in Dreamland to prevail in this battle with Kirby. So with a heavy heart and a broken hammer I suspend my campaign and release my supporters to support whoever they want, whether it be the pink puffball whats-his-name or Meta-Knight, the Democrat and Real Evil Party candidate.

I, myself, will be voting for Meta-Knight. Just a FYI.

Halloween and Taxes

2009-10-31T18:03:00.001-04:00

FIFY Contest: Carrot Cake

2009-10-30T23:28:00.003-04:00

What in hell is FIFY?

FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

When a picture just needs an extra touch of magic to be perfect, and you are the right person to put that extra touch of magic on it, that's when you say FIFY, "fixed it for you."

David Kessler is another one of the huge douchebags in the Obama czardministration. His schtick is to redefine things by using misleading terms. For instance he re-dubbed cigarettes "nicotine delivery devices" and then regulated them based on the distorted definition, as if they actually were medical devices rather than a leaf rolled up in paper with a filter to reduce nicotine and tar. These days he has his sights set on food. He wants to tax the cheeseburger out of the average American's ability to pay for it. Carrot cake too. And he talks about these foods as if all they are is a laboratory concocted mixture of fat, sugar, and salt. Once again he will pretend that a natural food product, prepared at home by people, is a medical device and regulate it accordingly.

In other words, he is one of the biggest progressive douchebags of all time. Tarring and feathering was made for douchebags like him. Fix this picture of Kessler with carrot cake.

Here are the initial FIFY entries for the carrot cake contest.

Blago Bloggo

Streetwise and Blago Bloggo	Blago Bloggo
Aunt Flo	Aunt Flo
Aunt Flo	Blago Bloggo

The Messiah, Prince Barack Milhous Hussein Obama II the Most Merciful is not funny!

2009-10-30T09:57:00.001-04:00

The freepers think he is. Also from the Patriot Post.

Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

Q: How do you know Obama is reading the TelePrompTer?
A: His lips are moving.

The Obama economy is so bad...that you can order checks pre-marked "Insufficient Funds."

The Obama economy is so bad...that Congress is planning a spare change for clunkers program.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico.

The Obama economy is so bad...that the Chicago mob is laying off judges.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Nancy Pelosi is selling earmarks for 1/2 price.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Saturday Night Live is thinking about telling an Obama joke.

The Obama economy is so bad...that the President is running a small business on the side. It's called GM.

The Obama economy is so bad...that even people who aren't in the Cabinet have stopped paying taxes.

Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A: It stands between him and the First.

Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.

Q: What's the other difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta isn't scared to go on Fox News.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for prisoners.

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between a zoo and the White House?
A: A zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin' African.

Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!

Q: What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal congress?
A: An Obama-nation.

Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.

Q. How can you tell when Obama has been smoking dope?
A. He answers the door when the phone rings.

Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?
A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.

Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler wrote his own book.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Both were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, but only Obama won it.

Q: Why doesn't Obama pray?
A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

Q: How do you know when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: How do you know when Barack Obama is lying?
A: See above.

Q: How do you know when Michelle Obama is lying?
A: See above.

Q: How do you know when Tim Geithner is lying?
A: Are you kidding? Elves always lie!

Q. How many Obamas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Hey, if Obama’s in the room, who needs a light bulb?

Q: Why did Obama cross the road?
A: To apologize to the other side.

Q: What is the best thing about cash for clunkers?
A: It took most of the Obama stickers off the road.

President Obama is the only leader taking comprehensive action to stop greenhouse gas emissions: He's steadily putting everyone out of work.

Today the IRS released new guidelines on how to avoid audits while Obama is the president. Number one - Don't list excessive deductions. Number two - File your return on time. Number three - Register to vote as a Democrat.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

Obama is so pretty...

Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn

Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him

Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size

Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville

Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he's smart

Obama is so pretty that he won't ride in Ted Kennedy's car

Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store

Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit

Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka

Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips

Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless

Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day

Understanding TV News Acronyms

NBC: New Barack Channel
ABC: Another Barack Channel
MSNBC: Most Servile New Barack Channel
CBS: Continuous Barack Show
FOX: Flagrant Obama Xenophobes

Also see here for beer etc.

Uncle Sam's Musical Interlude

2009-10-30T08:35:00.001-04:00

Progressive Douchebags with Guns

2009-10-29T09:58:00.002-04:00

...shot up Lou Dobb's house and almost hit his wife.

I blame Latino advocacy groups like La Raza (the Race, think they're racist?), Presente.org, BastaDobbs.org, Media Matters, and other progressive douchenistas. I also blame Geraldo Rivera who has been spending so much bile and spit in his hateful attacks on Lou Dobbs. The question Rivera needs to answer is, why do we have laws to govern immigration if we are not going to enforce them equally, but have selective enforcement that lets Geraldo's tribe in without checks and stops Blago's tribe without any appeal? Aren't laws supposed to be enforced equally, without bias? Why does Rivera want us to enforce our laws in a biased way that favors his tribe? It isn't because he believes in fairness and equality, that's for sure! He just wants to win a tribal conflict that only he is fighting.

When progressives get guns you know there is a Maoist in the house.

White House Releases Official Approval Badge for Properly Servile Media Outlets

2009-10-24T22:22:00.006-04:00

Oct 24, 2009, Washington DC (PDBWatch Agency)
Following this week's declaration that Fox News is not news, the White House and Organizing for America have released a new officially logoed badge that can be displayed by approved news outlets such as NBC, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and the Workers World, but definitely not by Fox News. White House tovarisch Anita "Mao Tse" Dunn adds that "news consumers who encounter unapproved news media personnel should get in their face, if they punch you then hit back twice as hard, and if they bring a knife you bring a gun. Hell, comrades, just kill them all. Let's start the Terror! We have plenty of people in the US and are planning to kill about 20% of them anyway, just the useless kulaks and bourgeois and those who live in the southern states and defend the ku klux klan." Dunn added, "for any other agencies that would like to earn this certificate, please wear your Presidential logo kneepads when you come to the White House Ministry of Truth to apply."

The startling announcement was coupled with the following image, which should not be taken for approval of Progressive Douchebag Watch.

Alternate sizes are:

The badge is also available as a commemorative aluminum-plated zinc coin from the Franklin Mint for the price of $200,000 of campaign contributions to President Obama's reelection campaign.

Douchebag wants to expose Zombietime blogger for the high crime of exposing lib douchebaggery

2009-10-24T13:00:00.001-04:00

This douche has decided that, since he dislikes Zombie (at Zombietime) and his penchant for exposing liberal bullshit and antics, he would do his best to "out" the anonymous blogger.

All by lonesome, studying the video and photographic evidence, he's managed to piece together just an absolutely compelling image of some dude taking a picture. With arrows and titles, in case his readers are too stupid (and I'm sure many are) to figure out "Woman with Red Shirt" all by themselves.

I did notice, btw, that while he's so very upset with Zombie for staying anonymous, nobody knows who this fat little fuckweasle is, either. Not that a picture would help. Or even a name. The PDB showcase here will probably drive more traffic to his site than he's ever seen. He's probably already spanking in anticipation.

Well done, man. Why wait for the gubmint to fuck with peoples' lives, when YOU can do it for them. When do you get your black shirt and armband? I'm sure it'll be a step up from the shit your mom makes you wear.

By the way, dude... you're wrong. Heh.

It's people like David Cowan who make me wish vampires were real and would suck out all his blood

2009-10-23T11:04:00.003-04:00

Cowan, who lives in West Virginia, got a judge in Maryland to shut down a new windfarm in Indiana that was going to provide energy to Chicago. Cowan is batty about bats. He loves the little guano-nistas and thinks the death of a single bat is a tragedy of a magnitude which the world cannot bear. Pathos, thy name is Myotis Sodalis, the Indiana Bat.

David Cowan is a perfect example of a common species of vermin in America: The Batshit Insane Progressive Douchebag. We could use a few less of them.

Go get him, Drac!

And WTF is it with a guy in one state getting a judge in another state to shut down a business in a third state a thousand miles away? If this is typical of environmental lawsuits, which I think it is, then they are totally out of frikking control!

h/t: Ralph Alter at American Thinker

FLOTUS is a good hula hooper! Woohoo

2009-10-23T10:25:00.001-04:00

Maybe she should stick to hula hooping and get out of politics.

To be honest, maybe the POTUS should do the same thing. He sucks at bringing people together... much better at childish games like this, beer summits, and saying "nya nya nya" to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News.