Halloween and Taxes

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FIFY Contest: Carrot Cake

What in hell is FIFY?

FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

When a picture just needs an extra touch of magic to be perfect, and you are the right person to put that extra touch of magic on it, that's when you say FIFY, "fixed it for you."

David Kessler is another one of the huge douchebags in the Obama czardministration. His schtick is to redefine things by using misleading terms. For instance he re-dubbed cigarettes "nicotine delivery devices" and then regulated them based on the distorted definition, as if they actually were medical devices rather than a leaf rolled up in paper with a filter to reduce nicotine and tar. These days he has his sights set on food. He wants to tax the cheeseburger out of the average American's ability to pay for it. Carrot cake too. And he talks about these foods as if all they are is a laboratory concocted mixture of fat, sugar, and salt. Once again he will pretend that a natural food product, prepared at home by people, is a medical device and regulate it accordingly.

In other words, he is one of the biggest progressive douchebags of all time. Tarring and feathering was made for douchebags like him. Fix this picture of Kessler with carrot cake.

Here are the initial FIFY entries for the carrot cake contest.

Blago Bloggo

Blago Bloggo

Streetwise and Blago Bloggo	Blago Bloggo
Aunt Flo	Aunt Flo
Aunt Flo	Blago Bloggo

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The Messiah, Prince Barack Milhous Hussein Obama II the Most Merciful is not funny!

The freepers think he is. Also from the Patriot Post.

Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

Q: How do you know Obama is reading the TelePrompTer?
A: His lips are moving.

The Obama economy is so bad...that you can order checks pre-marked "Insufficient Funds."

The Obama economy is so bad...that Congress is planning a spare change for clunkers program.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico.

The Obama economy is so bad...that the Chicago mob is laying off judges.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Nancy Pelosi is selling earmarks for 1/2 price.

The Obama economy is so bad...that Saturday Night Live is thinking about telling an Obama joke.

The Obama economy is so bad...that the President is running a small business on the side. It's called GM.

The Obama economy is so bad...that even people who aren't in the Cabinet have stopped paying taxes.



Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A: It stands between him and the First.

Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.



Q: What's the other difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta isn't scared to go on Fox News.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for prisoners.

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.



Q: What's the difference between a zoo and the White House?
A: A zoo has an African lion and the White House has a lyin' African.

Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!

Q: What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal congress?
A: An Obama-nation.

Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.

Q. How can you tell when Obama has been smoking dope?
A. He answers the door when the phone rings.

Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?
A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.

Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler wrote his own book.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Both were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, but only Obama won it.



Q: Why doesn't Obama pray?
A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

Q: How do you know when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: How do you know when Barack Obama is lying?
A: See above.

Q: How do you know when Michelle Obama is lying?
A: See above.

Q: How do you know when Tim Geithner is lying?
A: Are you kidding? Elves always lie!

Q. How many Obamas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Hey, if Obama’s in the room, who needs a light bulb?

Q: Why did Obama cross the road?
A: To apologize to the other side.

Q: What is the best thing about cash for clunkers?
A: It took most of the Obama stickers off the road.



President Obama is the only leader taking comprehensive action to stop greenhouse gas emissions: He's steadily putting everyone out of work.

Today the IRS released new guidelines on how to avoid audits while Obama is the president. Number one - Don't list excessive deductions. Number two - File your return on time. Number three - Register to vote as a Democrat.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.



Obama is so pretty...

Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn

Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him

Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size

Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville

Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he's smart

Obama is so pretty that he won't ride in Ted Kennedy's car

Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store

Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit

Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka

Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips

Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless

Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day

Understanding TV News Acronyms

• NBC: New Barack Channel
• ABC: Another Barack Channel
• MSNBC: Most Servile New Barack Channel
• CBS: Continuous Barack Show
• FOX: Flagrant Obama Xenophobes

Also see here for beer etc.

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Uncle Sam's Musical Interlude

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Progressive Douchebags with Guns

...shot up Lou Dobb's house and almost hit his wife.

I blame Latino advocacy groups like La Raza (the Race, think they're racist?), Presente.org, BastaDobbs.org, Media Matters, and other progressive douchenistas. I also blame Geraldo Rivera who has been spending so much bile and spit in his hateful attacks on Lou Dobbs. The question Rivera needs to answer is, why do we have laws to govern immigration if we are not going to enforce them equally, but have selective enforcement that lets Geraldo's tribe in without checks and stops Blago's tribe without any appeal? Aren't laws supposed to be enforced equally, without bias? Why does Rivera want us to enforce our laws in a biased way that favors his tribe? It isn't because he believes in fairness and equality, that's for sure! He just wants to win a tribal conflict that only he is fighting.

When progressives get guns you know there is a Maoist in the house.

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White House Releases Official Approval Badge for Properly Servile Media Outlets

Oct 24, 2009, Washington DC (PDBWatch Agency)
Following this week's declaration that Fox News is not news, the White House and Organizing for America have released a new officially logoed badge that can be displayed by approved news outlets such as NBC, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and the Workers World, but definitely not by Fox News. White House tovarisch Anita "Mao Tse" Dunn adds that "news consumers who encounter unapproved news media personnel should get in their face, if they punch you then hit back twice as hard, and if they bring a knife you bring a gun. Hell, comrades, just kill them all. Let's start the Terror! We have plenty of people in the US and are planning to kill about 20% of them anyway, just the useless kulaks and bourgeois and those who live in the southern states and defend the ku klux klan." Dunn added, "for any other agencies that would like to earn this certificate, please wear your Presidential logo kneepads when you come to the White House Ministry of Truth to apply."

The startling announcement was coupled with the following image, which should not be taken for approval of Progressive Douchebag Watch.

Alternate sizes are:

The badge is also available as a commemorative aluminum-plated zinc coin from the Franklin Mint for the price of $200,000 of campaign contributions to President Obama's reelection campaign.

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Douchebag wants to expose Zombietime blogger for the high crime of exposing lib douchebaggery

This douche has decided that, since he dislikes Zombie (at Zombietime) and his penchant for exposing liberal bullshit and antics, he would do his best to "out" the anonymous blogger.

All by lonesome, studying the video and photographic evidence, he's managed to piece together just an absolutely compelling image of some dude taking a picture. With arrows and titles, in case his readers are too stupid (and I'm sure many are) to figure out "Woman with Red Shirt" all by themselves.

I did notice, btw, that while he's so very upset with Zombie for staying anonymous, nobody knows who this fat little fuckweasle is, either. Not that a picture would help. Or even a name. The PDB showcase here will probably drive more traffic to his site than he's ever seen. He's probably already spanking in anticipation.

Well done, man. Why wait for the gubmint to fuck with peoples' lives, when YOU can do it for them. When do you get your black shirt and armband? I'm sure it'll be a step up from the shit your mom makes you wear.

By the way, dude... you're wrong. Heh.

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It's people like David Cowan who make me wish vampires were real and would suck out all his blood

Cowan, who lives in West Virginia, got a judge in Maryland to shut down a new windfarm in Indiana that was going to provide energy to Chicago. Cowan is batty about bats. He loves the little guano-nistas and thinks the death of a single bat is a tragedy of a magnitude which the world cannot bear. Pathos, thy name is Myotis Sodalis, the Indiana Bat.

David Cowan is a perfect example of a common species of vermin in America: The Batshit Insane Progressive Douchebag. We could use a few less of them.

Go get him, Drac!

And WTF is it with a guy in one state getting a judge in another state to shut down a business in a third state a thousand miles away? If this is typical of environmental lawsuits, which I think it is, then they are totally out of frikking control!

h/t: Ralph Alter at American Thinker

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FLOTUS is a good hula hooper! Woohoo

Maybe she should stick to hula hooping and get out of politics.

To be honest, maybe the POTUS should do the same thing. He sucks at bringing people together... much better at childish games like this, beer summits, and saying "nya nya nya" to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News.

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A modest proposal for pets with big carbon footprints

I'm not talking about big footprints, like dinosaur footprints. I'm talking about carbon dioxide, CO2. You know, that gas that every frikking animal in the entire world breathes out and every single frikking plant in the entire world breathes in. The animal kingdom inhales O2 and exhales CO2; the vegetable kingdom inhales CO2 and exhales O2. The Cycle of Life: It's funny how that works like a perpetual motion machine, almost like it's designed that way. You know, CO2, that gas that comprises about 1% of the atmosphere. The gas 99% of which is generated by geological processes like oceanic warming, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes. The gas that is causing the greening of the Sahara Desert. Let me repeat. The gas that is causing the Sahara Desert to have more green vegetation on it than it has had in recorded human history. Right, that "greening gas" is the gas that the "green movement" hates.

Fact: the greens don't like green.

The gas that makes plants grow green is the gas the "green movement" hates most of anything in the whole world, except for humanity itself, which they believe should just go extinct. At least if you ask a "green movement" type of person, that's what they'd believe. Whether they'd say it or not probably depends on whether there is an audience.

You might as well get mad at O2. At least that is what humans actually breathe, and if humans are the enemy then why not attack them directly? But these are greens. They don't have to make sense. They worship GAIA, and communism, and Barack Milhous Obama, and they hate CO2, political rivals, and waiting around to judge their stupid ideas by their disastrous results. Thou shalt not judge their ideas by anything except their psychedelic fueled imaginations. And in the meantime, Katie bar the door it's time to have another mental spasm and do something randomly stupid that seemed like a good idea when they were sitting around smoking medicinal marijuana. So they've already called a gas (that is necessary for plant life and therefore necessary for animal life) "carbon" and fooled all the stooges into thinking they're talking about soot or some other particulate form of carbon that really would be nasty in the atmosphere, now it's time to fool the stooges into betraying their pets, Fido Castro the dog and Mousy Tongue the cat.

For in the classic words of Barack Milhous Obama, and Richard Milhous Nixon, 'let me make this perfectly clear.' It is clear as crystal, humans have to go. And since the greens have clearly already convinced their green-cult stooges to stop making human babies and to live sterile, meaningless lives with their precious miniature poodle dogs and ferrets that fit in purses and the like, it's time for those so-smart "green movement" types to drop the other braided-hemp and recycled-tire flip-flop.

Brenda and Robert Vale of Victoria University in New Zealand have computed the carbon footprint of domestic animals and determined that pet dogs and cats have fucking huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge carbon footprints (reminder, that means CO2, the gas that green plants love more than anything in the world), much larger than domestic food animals like chickens and rabbits, and just about the same carbon (dioxide) footprint as one of those Toyota Landcruisers the Taliban and Al Qaeda carry their jihad murderers around in.

Sounds like we should be killing more Taliban and Al Qaeda jihad murderers and blowing up their fucking Land Cruisers to me. Anybody agree? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The vicious Vales think that means you should eat your dog for lunch. Or dinner. Maybe breakfast. They don't much care which meal. Forget the dog biscuits, and have some dog, egg, and cheese biscuits. Don't get the cat chow, chow down on cat au vin. Pad thai becomes poodle thai.

The eco-footprints of the family pet each year as calculated by the Vales:

• German shepherds: 1.1 hectares, compared with 0.41ha for a large SUV.
• Cats: 0.15ha (slightly less than a Volkswagen Golf).
• Hamsters: 0.014ha (two of them equate to a medium-sized plasma TV).
• Goldfish: 0.00034ha (an eco-finprint equal to two cellphones).

Eco-finprint. That's cute.

And here I had been thinking that when my twelve vicious rescued from Michael Vick rottweilers leave turds all over the backyard and the grass shoots up like weeds on the spot, that was making the back yard greener. I mean, sure by the mundane meaning of things that's a fact. But in the super-special double-secret-probation "green movement" meaning of things, the color green you see with your own eyes is a false narrative. Are you going to trust the "greens," or your own lying eyes?! Eat your dog. They are serious!

Can you spot the false narrative too? I can. I think everyone can.

What will we do after we eat all 83 pounds of Fido Castro or Mousy Tongue al'Orange? The vicious Vales suggest we buy chickens and treasure them, for the eggs if not for their loyalty, pack instincts, and house guarding abilities, until we chop off their fowl heads and devour the beheaded remnant of the chicken. Chickens are funny when you do that. They're always funny! They run around like chickens with their head cut off regardless of whether their heads are detached or still firmly attached. So, post chicken guillotine, let's all sit around drinking free trade coffee and laughing at the precious antics of the headless chickens. And of course, for those who like to get a nice hug in with the pets, there is nothing like a headless chicken when it comes to cuddle time, unless it is a headed chicken that keeps on pecking your crotch while you try to pick the nits out of its anal feathers. Ah, memories! Why did we ever stop keeping chickens inside the house, anyway?! What an error that was for our culture.

Let's keep geese, goats and cattle in the house too! What could possibly go wrong?

You know, this is awfully fucking complicated. How many pets do you think we have in America? And how many dedicated "green movement" types like the vicious Vales? It seems to me that our pets outnumber the greens. So why don't we guillotine the "green movement" types and serve "greenie biscuits" and "kibbles and greens" to our dogs? Cats might even like it, though I'm sure most of those greens are pretty tough and stringy. Not to mention tasteless. But I've tried dogfood and it's already tasteless. Fido Castro and Mousy Tongue will never notice.

Imagine an actual use for "green movement" douchebags. And imagine the dog's "green" bowel movements afterwards. That green movement should make the grass grow super-duper green!

Do green good by doing greens in; and feeding them to the dogs. It's just about time for a nice little Thermidorian Reaction, isn't it? The Kiwis can take care of the vicious Vales themselves. I think they might have a few rather large sheepdogs in New Zealand that could do with an extra meal.

In other words, "green movement" douchebags could do some good by reducing the carbon (dioxide) footprint of hungry and vicious man-eating dogs. And by becoming scooby snacks. Now that's a (soylent) green goal that is worth it!

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How do I love working for the gummint, let me count the ways...

If I am Gary Pivoda or Louis Marciano, respectively of Latham and Rennselaer New York, then my favorite things about working for the state of New York are:

• Not doing my job
• Turning in fraudulent time sheets
• Having a secret hideout in a parking garage
• Where I can take naps all day
• And smoke pot
• And use cocaine
• And weigh and package pot
• And weigh and package cocaine
• And sell pot
• And sell cocaine
• And throw all night drinking, pot, and cocaine parties for other state workers.
• Did I mention not doing my job?
• And doing lots of drugs, then taking naps, while on the clock?
  

All in all, they are facing 22 criminal counts. Pivoda's and Marciano's party affiliation and union membership could not be determined by hapless reporters. They claim to be surprised at being busted for such petty activities, when there are other state workers doing much worse stuff.

Oops! Let that cat out of the bag!

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Ken Feinberg is a freakin' idiot

In a game of inches, Ken Feinberg is kilometers from the stadium. It's Fourth and One, on a Power Play and he's got a no-hitter going! Someone tell the bowler not to get tangled up in the scrum!

Not only is the Pay Douche in the wrong place, he's playing the wrong damn game! Today he announced that he was going to "claw back" (find those words in the Constitution) millions of dollars in executive salaries and bonuses.

Oh, but he let a couple of guys keep theirs, so it's all okay, right?

Now, no doubt that with some of these companies, the zitiots in charge shouldn't be earning minimum wage, let alone millions of dollars, but that's a decision for the companies' owners, not some over-priced government bureaucrat with delusions of intelligence. What makes him think that taking back 90% of people's salaries is going to solve anything? What does it prove to anyone, except that if you're top talent, you don't go work for a company that the government says is "too big to fail?"

If this sand-flea-brained minor bureaucrat can find put together the idea that he can steal the earnings of a few hundred wall street bankers just because it's the politically correct thing to do, what's to stop the few remaining people in D.C. with half a brain-wave still active from figuring they can do it to the rest of us?

With the Democrats in Congress and The Anointed One in the White House, I'd venture to say "very little."

Somebody please tell me this asshole doesn't really think he can do this.

Please?

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Does 'Let me make this perfectly clear' remind anyone else of Nixon?

It sure reminds me of Nixon. Anderson Cooper thinks so too. The White House enemies list featuring Rush Limbaugh and Fox News reinforces this feeling. Next I expect some muttering about nattering nabobs of negativism.

Someone should remind Barack Milhous Obama this road ends up in a dark, dark, place with screaming, rending of garments, and gnashing of teeth.

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Going Rouge seems designed to trick consumers, make them furious and vengeful

What is the over/under on a class action lawsuit against the editors of The Nation for tricking consumers and bookstores into spending their hard-earned money on the left's worthless, spiteful crap instead of the Palin book?

Wasn't burning down her church with women and children inside enough to satisfy their black and shriveled hearts?

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CT Repubs get sense of humor, Douchebag Dems cry like little babies

It's hard to see what they're talking about when they include no pics, but that's about what I'd expect from an "Advocate." CT Repubs have been tweeting away in satirical abandon until their satirical accounts tempted Democrat crybabies to complain to Twitter that people thought the satire was real.

In other words, the satire was hitting too close to home.

"It's hard enough to explain what we're doing here in Hartford," said Lesser. "It's even more difficult when you've got political hacks going out of their way to confuse people."

Democrats hold a veto-proof majority in the state House, outnumbering Republicans 114-37. The Democrats also have a 24-12 margin in the state Senate. Those numbers have been frustrating the hell out of GOP leaders, who have seen their share of General Assembly seats shrivel in successive legislative elections.

Waaaaaaah! Pussies can't handle it when they have completely dominant positions in the legislature and get to pass any idiotic bill they want. Now they need to legislate dominance on Twitter too! Pussies!

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