30 September 2009

The holey book of Ogenesis I and II

Ogenesis I

1 First Barack made his campaign. 2 The campaign was without form and void, and hope and change was upon the face of the nation, and the Spirit of Barack Obama was upon the face of modern politics. 3 And Barack said, "Let there be lies", and there was lies. 4 And Barack saw that the lies were good, and Barack separated them from the truth. 5 Barack lied during the Day, and then there was Night. He lied in the evening and then there was morning, day one.

6 And Barack said, "Let there be talking points in the midst of the campaign, and let them separate the truth from the lies." 7 And Barack made talking points and separated the lies which were believed and the truth which was not. 8 And Barack called the talking point truth. And it was so. He lied in the evening and then there was morning, a second day.

9 And Barack said, "Let the lies under the campaign be gathered together into one place, and let treasure appear." And it was so. 10 Barack called the treasure minimum wage, and the hoards that were gathered together he called sheeple. And Barack saw that he was good. 11 And Barack said, "Let us put forth fabrication, townhall plants and fruitcakes bearing their labor, each according to its kind, upon the campaign." And it was so. 12 And Barack saw that it was good. 13 And he lied that evening and then there was morning, a third day.

14 And Barack said, "Let there be hope and change in the talking points and let them be a signal of change and hope for seasons and for days and years, 15 and let there be obfuscation in the talking points to create confusion upon the sheeple." And it was so. 16 And Barack proclaimed dissimulation to rule the day, and equivocation to rule the night. 17 And Barack set them to give cover upon the campaign, 18 to rule over the days headline, and to separate the truth from the talking point. And Barack saw that he was good. 19 And he lied in the evening and then there was morning, a fourth day.

20 And Barack said, "Let the sheeple bring forth swarms of undead creatures, and let the criticism fly above the campaign." 21 So Barack created the great and greedy monsters and every undead creature that moves, according to their kinds, and every worthless cretin according to its kind. And Barack saw that they were voters. 22 And Barack blessed them, saying, "Be misleading and rob the honest sheeple when they turn away, and let the felons multiply and vote early and often." 23 And there was lying in the evening and there were waffles to break his fast in the morning, a fifth day.

24 And Barack said, "Let the organizers bring forth undead creatures according to their kinds: Acorn slackers and SEIU brutes and turf-masters of the campaign according to their kinds." And it was so. 25 And Barack paid the turf-masters according to their kinds and the slackers and the hungry community organizers according to their kind. And Barack saw that they were voters. 26 Then Barack said, "Let us make all voters in our image, after our likeness, and let us teach them that socialism is just and let us take control over the earning of their gold, and over the size of their chariots, and over all progressive douchebags that tread upon our fatherland." 27 So Barack created the liberal activists in his own image, in the image of himself he created them, male, female, transgender.

28 And Barack blessed them, and Barack said to them, "Reach out to the unwashed and multiply, fill the campaign with your treasure, and have nationalization over the stores of gold and over the chariots and over every undead thing that moves upon the land." 29 And Barack said, "Behold, I have given you every teaparty plants yielding signage which is upon the face and around the shoulder and head area of all who dare get in their way, 30 and Barack said the beatings were good. 31 And Barack saw the chaos that he had wrought, and behold, it was very good. And he lied that evening and then there was morning, a sixth day.

Ogenesis II

1 Thus the outlandish rhetoric and the eternal campaigning had begun. 2 And on the seventh day Barack pondered his fraud and deception which he had done. 3 So Barack blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it Barack rested from all his calumniation.

4 In the day that Lord Barack made the campaigns and the rhetoric, 5 when no townhall plant was yet under the bus and no green-shoots in the field had yet sprung up, for the Lord Barack had not yet caused it to rain gold upon the campaigns...there was no Acorn to fill the ballot boxes, 6 but a Soro's funded mist escaped from the depths and spread wealth to the whole face of Democrat party.

7 Then Lord Barack formed Acorn from the graft, and deposited into it's coffers the breath of life, and Acorn became a living being. 8 For the Lord Barack created a garden of Cheaten, in the east, and there he put the Acorn whom he had formed. 9 And out of the mist of Soro's, Lord Barack made Acorn grow mighty branches of mendacity, the SEIU was also planted amongst the lush manure of media matters. 10 A river of gold flowed out of Cheaten to fund the garden, and there it was divided into countless tributaries.

11 The Lord Barack took the Acorn and put it in the garden of Cheaten to till it and keep it. 12 And the Lord Barack commanded the Acorn, saying, "You may freely violate every law of the garden, 13 but as to the law against prostitution of under-age girls you shall not violate, for in the day that you become a pimp you shall die a slow death beneath the wheels of my grand chariot."

14 Then the Lord Barack said, "It is not good that the Acorn should be alone, I will make helpers to fit it." 15 So out of the Democrat party the Lord Barack formed special groups, and brought them to the Acorn to see what it would name them, and whatever the Acorn called them, that was their name.

16 And thus the Lord Barack caused a deep catatonic sleep to fall upon the sheeple, and while they slept he took their liberty and left in its place, vilification, guilt and a monthly pittance, 17 and the fib which the Lord Barack had taken from the campaign he brought to the sheeple. 18 Then the Lord Barack said, "This at last is the flesh of my bone, behold it from behind, it shall be called socialism, and it shall feel good." 19 And thus going forward the Lord Barack will cleave into the womb of the founding fathers, and they shall become one. 20 And the Lord Barack will be naked with his dishonesty, and will not be ashamed.

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Cameltoad October 1, 2009 at 12:44:00 AM EDT  

So when does He lead His people out of bondage of non-existent healthcare?

Aunt Flo October 1, 2009 at 2:47:00 AM EDT  

Bondage is necessary, so you don't move while you're receiving the flesh of his bone

The Lord God, The Almighty, The Creator,  October 2, 2009 at 2:58:00 PM EDT  


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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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