Top Ten Rules for Lefties

What's a lefty? A progressive douchebag, plain and simple.

In honor of the boorish Late Night Television idiot who has sex with many of his femployees, here is a top ten of reasons why progressive douchebags think they are always right and anyone who disagrees with them is wrong. These came from twitter so I left the hashtag on, and also credited them to the authors.

10. discerning_con: What's the difference between God and Obama? God doesn't think he's Obama.... #leftyrules
    
9. erickbrockway: Pose on an anti-aircraft gun in Viet Nam: lefty hero. Pose with a bag of tea: violent fascist #leftyrules
   
8. beaglescout: Call the other side Hitler: If you're on left it's a deep insight; If on right it's criminal, violent hate speech. #leftyrules
   
7. discerning_con: Burn a flag while hanging Bush in effigy= patriotism. Wave a teabag while calling for less government spending= treason #leftyrules
   
6. CalebHowe: Throw rocks at RNC delegates and you're a "protester". Raise your voice at a townhall and you're "American Taliban". #leftyrules
5. CalebHowe: Opposing Obama is like being a child molester. But being an actual child molester is like being a beloved cinema icon. #leftyrules
4. blagobloggo: If a criminal talks like a communist and converts to Islam in prison, he isn't really guilty. Free Mumia! #leftyrules

3. CalebHowe: Call Bush Hitler and you're a patriotic dissenter. Call Obama incompetent and UR RAAAACCCIIIIIIISSSSSTTTTTTTTT!!!!11!1111!!!! #leftyrules
2. blagobloggo: Thou shalt not pray to Jesus, but please feel free to use his name when cussing like a hooker #leftyrules
1. CalebHowe: Oppose the war and you're a patriot. Oppose the Olympics and you're like Hitler. But meaner. #leftyrules

What would progressives do to Roman Polanski for drugging and getting drunk a 13 year old girl, then raping her mouth, vagina, and ass while she resists and screams no? Let him go, of course. Even though he didn't serve any time. And what would progressives do to Teddy Kennedy, who left a young woman to die? Laud him and claim she would have wanted him to leave her to die.

You know, back in the really bad old days there were two laws also. There was the law for commoners with death for things like taking a loaf of bread, and the law for nobility, in which murdering a peasant on your land or raping his wife on his wedding night went unpunished. Thanks to progressive douchebags who call themselves liberals, we have gone a long way back to those bad old days.

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New Letterman Show Top 10 List

Thanks to @ComiCure for tweeting me with it.

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Who knew? Worldwide Pants actually refers to David Letterman's heavy breathing

Thanks to Jim Treacher for the title. Other JTLOL classics were:

• There's a 20-year age difference between Alex Rodriguez & Willow Palin. I wonder how much younger than Letterman those staffers are?
• Just last week, Letterman told Obama, "I love to watch you work." Turns out that's his standard line around the office.
• Right now, Woody Allen is signing a petition to get David Letterman some fresh meat.

Let me get this straight.

• David Letterman is a long-time, serial seducer of women in his workplace who work for him.
• Some of them have long-time boyfriends, are married, or were married.
• Judging from the way that female guests who appear on his show have always reacted to him like he is a creep, this has been well known for a long time.
• One of these husbands decided to blackmail Letterman with the information.
• Letterman told his audience that he was a sexual predator who forced women who worked for him into sexual relationships.
• He got laughs because he called his actions "hinky"

Am I missing anything?

Someone has to say it. The blackmailing boyfriend who left that package on the back seat of Letterman's car should have just convinced his girl to file a sexual harassment lawsuit against Letterman for $20 million or so. Or he could have filed an alienation of affection suit. Way more money than $2 million. Plus you can get the money and also embarrass him publicly. And saying "I've been sued for sexual harassment because I used my power over them to sleep with a lot of women who worked for me" on stage doesn't usually get a laugh. Even when you say "hinky."

David Letterman: What a Douchebag!

This makes all the creepy shit he said about the Palin daughters even creepier. Can't he be convicted of some kind of sex crime and forced to live under a bridge like a troll or something?

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