03 October 2009

Top Ten Rules for Lefties

What's a lefty? A progressive douchebag, plain and simple.

In honor of the boorish Late Night Television idiot who has sex with many of his femployees, here is a top ten of reasons why progressive douchebags think they are always right and anyone who disagrees with them is wrong. These came from twitter so I left the hashtag on, and also credited them to the authors.
  1. discerning_con: What's the difference between God and Obama? God doesn't think he's Obama.... #leftyrules
  2. erickbrockway: Pose on an anti-aircraft gun in Viet Nam: lefty hero. Pose with a bag of tea: violent fascist #leftyrules
  3. beaglescout: Call the other side Hitler: If you're on left it's a deep insight; If on right it's criminal, violent hate speech. #leftyrules
  4. discerning_con: Burn a flag while hanging Bush in effigy= patriotism. Wave a teabag while calling for less government spending= treason #leftyrules
  5. CalebHowe: Throw rocks at RNC delegates and you're a "protester". Raise your voice at a townhall and you're "American Taliban". #leftyrules
  6. CalebHowe: Opposing Obama is like being a child molester. But being an actual child molester is like being a beloved cinema icon. #leftyrules
  7. blagobloggo: If a criminal talks like a communist and converts to Islam in prison, he isn't really guilty. Free Mumia! #leftyrules

  1. CalebHowe: Call Bush Hitler and you're a patriotic dissenter. Call Obama incompetent and UR RAAAACCCIIIIIIISSSSSTTTTTTTTT!!!!11!1111!!!! #leftyrules
  2. blagobloggo: Thou shalt not pray to Jesus, but please feel free to use his name when cussing like a hooker #leftyrules
  3. CalebHowe: Oppose the war and you're a patriot. Oppose the Olympics and you're like Hitler. But meaner. #leftyrules
What would progressives do to Roman Polanski for drugging and getting drunk a 13 year old girl, then raping her mouth, vagina, and ass while she resists and screams no? Let him go, of course. Even though he didn't serve any time. And what would progressives do to Teddy Kennedy, who left a young woman to die? Laud him and claim she would have wanted him to leave her to die.

You know, back in the really bad old days there were two laws also. There was the law for commoners with death for things like taking a loaf of bread, and the law for nobility, in which murdering a peasant on your land or raping his wife on his wedding night went unpunished. Thanks to progressive douchebags who call themselves liberals, we have gone a long way back to those bad old days.

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David the Letterman,  October 3, 2009 at 1:55:00 AM EDT  

I'm not a progressive douchebag. I'm an anal wart!

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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