30 November 2009

Global Warming's Got a Fever


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27 November 2009

Gun Control's Racist Roots

You have to watch these excellent videos that expose the racist roots of Gun Control laws, which were first designed by progressives and other Democrats (from the KKK and other racist organizations) to disarm black people in the USA.





It's all about the right to self-defense, baby. Something that progressives don't realize, since they don't think anyone should be secure in their home, in their life, or in their property.

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Tiger Woods slow motion 2:25 AM crash into fire hydrant, tree

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the world right now, perhaps the best of all time, and one of today's greatest athletes. Those who haven't played golf have no idea how difficult it is to do what Woods does. I admire Woods as much as someone can admire a sports figure, so it pains me to say that Tiger Woods is a douchebag. He might or might not be progressive (I have my suspicions) but in order to drive out of his driveway at 2:25 AM and crash into a fire hydrant, then into a tree, and need to be taken to the hospital, he could not have been in his right mind.

Yeah, it sure sounds like he was drunk as a skunk. That's a douchebag move! Tiger, you should have known better. Next time you're drunk out of your mind and need to run down to the store to get baby formula call a taxi or limo service. We all commit douchebaggery on occasion, but usually manage to avoid obviously stupid moves like this.

Geez! What a Douchebag!

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The Real Story of Thanksgiving

A day late and ten dollars short (the effects of inflation) we present to you the real story of Thanksgiving and the now-forgotten communist experiment at Plymouth Colony.

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25 November 2009

'Christian' goes on the Hajj: Will wonders never cease?

"Untruths are told that don't have anything to do with what Barack is about," says Sarah Hussein Obama, grandmother of the U.S. Democratic presidential hopeful. Here she stands outside of her house in the village of Kogelo, western Kenya.Seems that Obama's 'Christian' granny in Kenya is going on the Hajj at this very moment, in late November 2009. Yeah, the Hajj is the religious trip where Muslims from all around the world go to Mecca and Medina and trample each other to death while throwing stones at other stones. If you finish the Hajj pilgrimage you get to call yourself "Hajji."

Only problem is, that it is mega-uber-illegal-like-instant-death-penalty for Christian "infidels" to go on Hajj or even to visit Mecca. And you know how chop-happy the Saudi headsman is, right?

So here's the question. Is Obama's granny really a Muslim, and how exactly did AP come to claim she was Christian? Somebody is lying. Either the AP or the Obama campaign flat out lied about his Kenyan granny, who is most assuredly a Muslim, or she would never be allowed to go on the Hajj.

Someone is a lying piece of shit progressive douchebag. Who?

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Jim Treacher MIGHT BE THE BEST HUMORIST EVER!

Next to Aunt Flo, that is. No, really. I mean it.

Read this!

Update: On further reflection I believe the dance is called a ho-down.

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Stalin Honored for D-Day Contributions

Forget for a minute that he didn't send a single soldier to the D-Day landings, and that he was busy arresting his own army officers and sending them to the Gulag, Josef Stalin deserves a bust in the D-Day Museum in Bumfuzzle Virginia.

WTF?

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Katie Couric makes cover of Newsweek

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24 November 2009

What kind of moron bases serious scientific studies on a computer program?

Apparently the CRU gang did. Jones, Wigley, Mann, Hansen, and the whole gang of liars, cheats, and bullies. Typical progressive plot, to prostitute what they are supposedly doing in order to strengthen their political position.

It's all about power, not truth, in progressive douchebag land.

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Stimuluselessness and the Great Depression mark 2.0

The idea that Government, by borrowing money from ordinary people and spending it on bullshit that nobody wants, needs, or asked for, can bring a shocked economy back to life is so obviously retarded that only a Progressive Douchebag could ever possibly believe it. Even Keynes didn't believe it, though Progressive Douchebags have twisted his words to pretend that he did.

Right now the progressive douchebag policies enacted since Pelosi's douchebags took over in 2007 have us in Great Depression mark 2.0. But you say, we only have 10% unemployment! Youth unemployment is only at 50%. There was growth this quarter. To which I answer:

Bullshit! The real jobless rate is 17.5%.

Look at this graph, comparing unemployment in the current DEPRESSION to the GREAT DEPRESSION, and weep at what the progressives have done. Again. Just like they did in Hoover's and FDR's administrations. They are set on destroying our economy, and in the crisis reforging America as a socialist meddler that will never give you a millisecond of privacy or leave you alone to do one, goddamn thing.

Nudge nudge nudge nudge nudge.

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23 November 2009

New York, New York

Start spreading the News..

One of the funniest songs ever!

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21 November 2009

Most grotesque story of the day

Would you believe a Peruvian murder gang that dismembered victims and sold their rendered fat to European cosmetics company as an anti-wrinkle treatment?


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20 November 2009

FIFY Contest: Barry's Girls

What in hell is FIFY?


FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

When a picture just needs an extra touch of magic to be perfect, and you are the right person to put that extra touch of magic on it, that's when you say FIFY, "fixed it for you." The only rule for a FIFY is that you should make whatever changes you make and end up with an image file that can be uploaded to twitpic and viewed on this and other blogs. Add a comment with each entry.

It turns out that Oprah, who dedicated her TV show to electing Barack Obama in 2008, isn't getting along as well with Barry's husbandwife as expected.

Catfight!



Fix this one, pally walzies.It ought to be fun!

From Spork Hugh


From Aunt Flo


From Blago Bloggo


From Aunt Flo



From Blago Bloggo



From Blago Bloggo


From Aunt Flo



From Aunt Flo



From Blago Bloggo




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Mr. Hand goes to Washington

First off let's start some music by clicking here. Give it a minute, wait till the music starts........Turn up your speakers and spark a doobie...are you ready? OK.

Remember the guy from high school that everyone thought was a loser? You know, the guy that carried around an empty backpack and always had a cigarette behind his ear?



Remember? He used to sit in the back of class and quietly fall asleep or stare at the wall? The guy that came to school stoned and was on a first name basis with everyone from the principal to campus security? Remember that guy?



I don't think Resident Obama ever quite grew up...

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15 November 2009

The Adventures of Resident Obama



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11 November 2009

Black Privileged Douchebag

scot free. It's a sure thing that Columbia University would never punish a black man for beating up a white woman, right? Or a man for beating up a woman.

Certainly not a tenured black man. Or any tenured man. Or any tenured person. Unless he or she was not a member of a privileged minority category, or not a Democrat.

Hey Present Hopenchange, did McIntyre just do something stupid? Or maybe the woman to whom he gave a black eye was the one who did something really stupid?

Yeah, I thought so.

Political correctness is sooooooooooooooooo dead.

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08 November 2009

Douchebag in Chief marks worst terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11 with a board game weekend at Camp David

So after Nidal Malik Hasan went all sudden jihad syndrome at Fort Hood and after shouting 'Allahu Akbar,' killed 13 while wounding 28, we got to see the difference between class and a douchebag. The Douchebag in Chief covered all his political bases with the Interior Department at a speech for 2 minutes before even mentioning the Fort Hood shootings. He warned people against jumping to any conclusions that the killer was an American Muslim who had decided to go to Jihad terror war with his own country. Then he went right back into the politicking.



Turns out that Obama did not go to visit Fort Hood, though he will appear there for the memorial service, which will be heavily covered by the Pravda press. But there was another who visited Fort Hood already, in the dark of night, directing that the press not make a big deal of it. He and his wife were there to comfort and commiserate with the military and civilian personnel at Fort Hood, and not to run an interminable political campaign.

In the meantime, the Douchebag in Chief relaxed at Camp David.

Barack Hussein Obama is a lucky guy that he doesn't have to worry about Jihad, huh? Why would that be now? Just asking...

Thanks to Clarice Feldman and Dan Riehl.

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07 November 2009

Froma Harrop, if that is your real name, you may not be a tea-bagger

But if you are not a tea-bagger, it's only because you're not a homosexual male with an obsession over huge scrotal sacs. Try talking with Anderson Cooper, who, with David Shuster, Rachel "the twelve year old boy" Maddow, and Keith Olbermann, collectively seem to find the phrase "tea-bagger" incredibly invigorating. I'm guessing you aren't a tea-bagger, Froma, because you are really a salad-tosser. That's about what I get out of your rude, crude, and blooched potty-mouth crap in this stupid article.

Bite me. Or maybe more appropriately, salad-tosser, kiss my winking, crinkling ass!

Froma! As if!

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06 November 2009

Pay to Pray: Chicago Church Raffles off $1000 out of the offering

Stealing from the poorbox

Money changers in the temple

These old sayings are all about keeping mammon out of the church when people are there, on Sunday morning, to pray and make themselves right with God. In a way that is typical of Chicago with its pay to play politics, a Chicago church is now giving cash prizes totaling $1000 to three lucky attendees just for sitting in the lucky seat.

Luck or Prayer: Pick One

Douchebags! Missing! the! Point!

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Either the crack slowly opening in Ethiopia will create an Ocean in Africa

Or Gaia is about to have the biggest bowel movement and shit out the largest turd of all time... Unless you count the Moon as the largest turd of all time.

Read the whole ludicrous thing.

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Joke: Pelosi and the Old Cow

Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy.

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of scotch whisky, the wife cooked me a great meal and the daughter made love to me.'

'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy.

'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.'

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03 November 2009

Barack Obama graduated at the bottom of his class at University

Not many folks know that Barack Obama attended a highly elitist university on the outskirts of Washington D.C.

You know, I probably should have interviewed Bill Clinton for this piece, cause he knows quite a bit about the outskirts of Washington D.C….but I digress……..The name of the institution is the University of Delaware Imminent Presidents School.

The UDIPS Core Curriculum was designed by liberal Democrats to educate leaders for a future society in which there is no private property and in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state.

Development of knowledge, skills, and values that should be held in common by all graduates of the university, are tightly regulated and rationed. Oh…and no gays allowed.

The central purpose of the University core curriculum is to teach men and women economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

Although the UDIPS curriculum seeks to dilute and smother individual talents, its primary emphasis is in preparation for a stage of society between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay.

Through their core curriculum courses, students will develop the ability to:

1. pass spending bills costing the country trillions of dollars, and wasting our national wealth.

2. reverse federal bans on abortion, thus opening the door to massive partial birth abortions and infanticide in general.

3. appoint former failed campaign contributors and tax cheats to your staff, thus exhibiting your desire to place private allegiances above properly qualified employees.

4. appoint Secretary of State’s who have no geopolitical experience, and are called upon to confront some of our world’s most dangerous dictators and settle unstable political disputes.

But whether he was ‘throwing’ the ball around by the giant pansy fountain or smoking pot in back of the library, rest assured Barry wasn’t 100% marinated in politics the whole time at UDIPS.



He had a wide range of classes and activities to choose from. And the famous Pansywaist cafeteria to ensure a heaping helping of real-world utopian grandeur.



Barry was head of the Science club…where they tried bringing back old tired ideas and legislation from the dead.



Barry was not the best student at the school and often had to stay after class to master the basic concepts.



When failing to grasp even the most fundamental of lessons, you could often find Barry trying out for team sports.

UDIPS has a good basketball program and the ‘Fighting Pansies’ always give it their all during the twice-a-year match-up with Rio Linda, it’s always a barn-burner. Actually, no, it’s not. The ‘Institute of Advanced Conservative Studies’ has dominated the series due to their star-player Rush Limbaugh, who consistently holds Barry to zero points. Limbaugh is so good that he should probably play Obama with one hand tied behind his back, just to make it fair.



He tried out for the football team at one point, but dressing out with the other guys in the locker-room was becoming a distraction….umm….do to his undisputedly large….umm….huevos?



He was actually intimidating some of the more…umm….under-nourished….players.

The UDIPS baseball coaches have put together winning teams in the past and are looking forward to another successful season playing Pansy hardball! Looks like Barry might make the team this year.



And….we’re not going to bring up that other tryout…



Not many people realize that UDIPS has Military training as a required course. It didn’t take long for folks to realize that Military ops was not a strong-suit of Obama. First he tried Flight-school…



He was failing in outdoor maneuvers and classroom tactics.



Then, he tried Paratroopers. There was a minor incident on the first jump…



Whatever the challenge, Barry just couldn’t muster enough courage to get through the tough times.



So, with a little nudging from the Dean, the Challenged Students Supervisor found Obama a course he could handle and be proud of.



Barry got to meet lots of friends and he has a special place in his year-book with messages from two of his cherished life-long buddies.



His approval-rating is in the tank but his self-esteem remains high, due to the affirmative action of a the great University of Delaware’s Imminent Presidents School. Cranking out socialist wind-bags for president since….well……..since this one.


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01 November 2009

Dededefeated!

This was King Dedede's announcement that he was suspending his campaign for Congressman to the 23rd District of New York. (via memeorandum)

Dear Friends and Supporters:

Throughout the course of my campaign for Congress, I have made the people of the 23rd District and the issues that affect them the focal point of my campaign. As a life long resident of this District, I care deeply and passionately about its people and our way of life. Whether as a candidate for Congress, a State Assemblyman or the King of Dreamland, I have always sought to act with the best interest of our District and its residents in mind—and today I again seek to act for the good of our community and its delicious fruit.

The opportunity to run as the Republican and Royalist Party candidate to represent the 23rd District has been and remains one of the greatest honors of my life. As a member of the penguin minority of this district, I have always had my own challenges from anti-penguin bigots. Yet, during the past several months, as I’ve traveled the district, meeting and talking with voters about the issues that matter most to them, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of support I’ve received from open-minded constituents as I sought to serve as their voice in Washington. However, as Winston Churchill once said, Democracy can be a fickle employer, and the road to public office is not always a smooth one.

My road to Washington DC has been diverted by a pink puffball, Kirby, who was running as the Free Markets for Fruit Party candidate after failing to receive the Republican Party endorsement. Perhaps the most notorious of his actions followed after my ill-advised decision to hold a press conference in front of Kirby's campaign headquarters, at which I was outshouted by the pink puffball's mindless minions.

King Dedede's press conference in front of the Kirby campaign headquarters

Shortly after the above photo was taken Kirby clobbered me with a giant hammer and knocked me out of the picture at a velocity of roughly 11,000 mph and a 35 degree angle from the horizontal. My allies, including the Great Newt and Frank Rich of the New Penguin Times, have been very kind, but I am afraid that I cannot defeat Kirby at this time as he has transformed into Metallic Kirby and is now invulnerable. I can clobber him all I want but it doesn't do any good.

In recent days polls have indicated I don't have a chance in Dreamland to prevail in this battle with Kirby. So with a heavy heart and a broken hammer I suspend my campaign and release my supporters to support whoever they want, whether it be the pink puffball whats-his-name or Meta-Knight, the Democrat and Real Evil Party candidate.

I, myself, will be voting for Meta-Knight. Just a FYI.

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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