31 August 2009

Madonna and Jesus tour Jerusalem

Good fricking God people! This 51-year old attention whore just hooked up with a boy named Jesus and took a trip to Jerusalem because she wants attention. I got some attention to pay to her. How about reviewing all her albums and singles at one star on Amazon and all the streaming music sites you listen to? Yeah, it's petty. But so is she.


30 August 2009

Joke: Traffic Jam

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold up?'

'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Chris Matthews, Rahm Emmanuel and David Axelrod.

'They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'

'About a gallon...'


Obama extendz his vacation, Solo trip to Costco creates controversy

During his extended stay at Martha's Vineyard, President Barack Obama and his Secret Service spent more than two hours in a Costco and a neighboring restaurant Wednesday. And I went along for the ride.

Obama visited the Costco after making a brief stop at 'Adul bookshop' The sign was broken but it was a nice store, but very dark. I found Adul inside and told him that his sign was busted...I don't know why, but he ran out the back!

Barry got some magazines and left the money on the counter. One of them was titled, "Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion"...I think that's what it said, I couldn't see it very well through the brown paper bag.

After our little shopping trip we grabbed some beef-stroganoff for lunch. I overheard a few guys say the president would have liked to make instant pudding, but we all agreed that would be a security risk and it would be way too messy.

Before he pulled his throng out of the eatery, Obama posed for pictures with two of the restaurant's servers Handrea and Palmela, he even let them sit on his lap. He spent the next 5 minutes in the restroom. At long last, he emerged and his motorcade drove around the back of Costco so Barry could grab his package.

They took the food to the nearby home of White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett, who also lives on Martha's Vineyard. And it turns out that Barry can handle himself in the kitchen. They were short on the gravy needed to make the stroganoff, so Barack offered to whip up a batch by hand. The women were also flabbergasted when Barry took matters into his own hands and expertly started to ball some melons, never stopping until he was finished.

White House officials have stressed that the president is on a private vacation and very little is planned. If Obama wanted to, he could begin the day with a workout or tennis. He could play a little five-on-one or, as he's been known to do, he could go downtown and meet with Mrs. Thumb and her four daughters.

They also have a fun-zone. It's typical fair faire...he could ride the 'Great White Knuckler', one of the fastest coasters in the nation. They say it moves so fast, "it will make a bald man puke" Wow...I can't wait to ride that one!

They also have a "Freak Show" for the brave souls. Have you ever wanted to pet a one-eyed burping gecko? This show has it. And if you pass by their old candy shoppe, you can always find them pulling taffy.

Barry gives himself a briefing every morning, and the secluded 28-acre private estate has a secure line to 900 numbers and the Pentagon secretary pool, if an inserection happens to pop up.

Mid-level aides are on the island to assist the president if needed, but he prefers to do most things by himself. I'd like to remind you that the presidency does not allow for a lot of breaks, so finding 5 minutes here and there can be a welcome release.

But don't get me wrong, sometimes he does appreciate a helping hand with his fast paced job. He's obviously worked very hard this year with his staff.

Damn... I have thoroughly digressed from the Costco story. I won't hold the sausage hostage any longer.

Barack Obama made remarks about something called the 'Tenga Flip Hole' outside his rented compound on Martha's Vineyard. No clues yet on what that item actually is, although some folks say that Barry is not good with his hands and they guess that it might be a tool of some sort.

UPDATE: I have uncovered the beast under the blanket, so let's get this German soldier marching, shall we?

I have discovered a video but I can't hear the audio and the writing is in Asian, so I'll tell you what I think.....

The 'Tenga Flip Hole' is some kind of tool, so our first instincts were right. I can tell it's a tool that gets used often, because it needs Lots of lubrication.

Looks sort of like a pencil sharpener, but when that small-armed model holds it up, you can see it's much bigger than it looks. It looks like it's got great features...the Click Orb, Side Ribs with terraced engraved edges, Wing gates, Quatro Waves, the End Orb and is easily cleanable.

Maybe the Costco purchase had something to do with it's function. I decided to sneak into the black SUV and see what the secret package is.

Holy Shit! K-Y® Brand Jelly. Gallons and gallons of K-Y® Brand Jelly.

Obviously, Barry needs a water-based lube and he's buying it in quantity. Who said he isn't fistfully conservative? Please, If anyone is familiar with this tool, ask him why he's always sneaking around....oh...and we still need to find out what this is..

This is weird..why doesn't he do something productive while on vacation, like paint the ceiling?


29 August 2009

Megan Fox: Progressive Cheesecake Watch

This picture of Megan Fox is a perfect metaphor for Hollywood. It looks pretty until it opens its mouth, and then all the shark teeth come out and threaten to bite your head off. So anyway, do you still think she's hot?

Remember how she got rid of the boney look by eating red velvet cake? Or how Megan said she'd try to get the Decepticons to kill off the middle of America if they'd leave her neighborhood alone? Oh, and Paris... Or how she loves the idea of going all lesbo like Lindsey, but with a porn queen.

You know, you can still think she's hot. I do. It should be obvious since she is the very first hotty to be featured on our shameless Rule 5 hit-mongering Progressive Cheesecake Watch. She's pretty on the outside, right?

On the left is a mockup of her as WonderWoman because she said she'd gladly be responsible for offing half of America if her neighborhood (and Paris) didn't get bothered. Some people are twisted, aren't they?

On the right is her in love with herself in the mirror. How fucking apt! Narcissus was turned into a flower for gazing at  his beautiful bod. What will Megan turn into, other than a leather-skinned old hag?

Too much sun, Miss Fox.

And here we see her on the left, as a jaw-droppingly hot slice. On the right she is the she-hulk. I can't see that working out very well, but even a progressive douchebag has gotta work. She doesn't have other choices than the She-Hulk movie if she cannot act and won't do porn instead of doing porn stars.

UPDATE: Wonderful mention at R. S. McCain, but there's one correction to it. The lead photo isn't a photoshop. It is a publicity still from Megan Fox's new movie, Jennifer's Body, in which she plays a super sexy ghoul or some such monster.


Why don't Michigan Unions want to be put on the state run health insurance program?

Isn't this what their political party wants to do to the rest of the country? Everyone except for union workers and some federal government workers are going to get forced into the public option. If anyone is going to get forced into public insurance plans, it should be the goddamn unions who put these douchebags in office.
Fri, 08/28/2009 - 21:12 — NoGWBpolicyleft...
Here's one from our friendly neighborhood democrats in Michigan.

The Speaker of the House in Michigan (a Democrat) introduced a plan to require all public employees be put under one state run health insurance program.

Basically, another "screw the working class" proposal.

Needless to say, all of us employees who have had our wages slashed due to lack of raises over the last fifteen years are not too happy.

In that time we have had 12 raises that amounted to less than 1.2%! That means, we have really taken a pay cut. Six of those year we got zero% raise in order to keep our health insurance. Despite that, we have also taken concessions on health insurance two of the last four years to help keep our districts afloat! We opened our contracts to do that - the ultimate in good faith.

Now, this bluedog introduces this rightwing fantasy legislation that would destroy a major portion of what is left of Michigan's middle class. They have already crushed the U.A.W., and now, a DEMOCRAT introduces legislation that would basically destroy collective bargaining rights for workers, and crush the last vestige of worker opposition to the corporate fascists!

I called this little bastards office a few weeks ago, and got a very young kid who laughed at me when I asked if the Speaker really was from the party of FDR? He said laughing, "that was 50 years ago." He was totally ignorant, and the biggest dipshit I have talked to since I called Max Baucus' office a couple of years ago. Maybe it was the same guy?

So I moved on to the Speaker Pro Tem and talked to a very intelligent guy who completely understood everything at stake. His mother was a teacher, and he felt that the Speakers legislation would have to be supportive of workers and unions rights. He also was apalled when I told him of the bluedog jackass I talked to in the Speakers office and wanted his name.

In 2006, the repukes controlled our State House of representatives 58 - 52. After last year, the democrats hold a 67 - 43 majority thanks to the hundreds of thousands of public employees who campaigned and supported them.

And this is what we got in return; a big fat knife in the back!

Well, this blogger has finally had enough! I am going to start a petition demanding his resignation as Speaker, or that the House democrats strip him of his Speakership role. If they don't, they can try to win re-election next year without the 500,000 public employees, their spouses and family members support!


28 August 2009

This used to be America... It ain't no more

Wesley Cheeks, douchebag cop protecting the image of Obama.



Rest in peace, you drunken bastard

Plenty of people have said things about Teddy Kennedy, both good and bad. I would like to address the following message to those crying tears of psuedo-sorrow to the fat, pompous fuck:

He was not a leader; his position came entirely from the fact that he was a Kennedy. Incidentally, it was this same fact that kept his drunken ass out of jail in a situation that would have sent any one of you sycophantic losers straight past 'Go' without collecting your $200. A situation, just so's we don't forget, in which he was solely responsible for the death of a young woman, and for which he has never shown an iota of remorse.

It was also this fact that allowed him to get away with drunkenly harrassing waitresses.

He was not a uniter. He was not a "Great Man" in any way at all other than girth, and perhaps his ability to chug like a fratboy linebacker.

Cancer is a horrible way to go, and I don't envy him. I feel sorry for him. I always have; even before I knew he had cancer. I'm just not going to pretend the motherfucker was a saint.


Why would we want doctors who are just like teachers?

Samuel M. Pittman, an alumnus of the College of Eastern Utah, sure can set up a strawman.

In a socialist government, health care providers and administrators would live in housing provided by the government; receive vouchers for food, clothing, fuel and perhaps a small cash stipend.

The health care planned is more like the American education system. Our teachers and administrators are paid a salary that is drawn from taxpayers, but they are responsible to buy or rent their own homes and pay for food, clothing and fuel from their own pockets. These individuals are purchasing produced goods, contributing to the gross national product and thus are participants in the capitalist system.

Furthermore America has public and private education systems that co-exist and function quite well independent of one another. Consumers are free to choose where they send their children.
You know what we will get if we make doctors just like teachers? We will get DOCTORS WHO ARE JUST LIKE TEACHERS! We will have to pay for their lazy, uneducated, bureaucratic, petty, bossy, vindictive selves even if we also pay for good doctors somewhere else who know what they are doing. Hmmm, let's pretend we are like Mr. Pittman and want it, just for fun.

I am a rectal-cranial-invert like Mr. Pittman. Here is what I want:
  • A doctor who goes on vacation for 3 months every single year, plus a week in the spring, the fall, and two at Christmas.
  • A doctor whose office hours are 7AM to 1:30PM.
  • A doctor who gives me homework.
  • A doctor who makes me get a hall pass to use the toilet.
  • A doctor who will not let me leave the the office until the end of the day.
  • A doctor who denies me treatment if I talk out of turn.
  • A doctor who doesn't know the experimental method.
  • A doctor who makes me "press 1 for English" before I can talk to someone.
  • A doctor who expects me to sit all day and wait for ten minutes of treatment.
  • A doctor who makes me sit next to disruptive, violent or virulently sick patients in the examination room.
  • A doctor who sends me home if I'm too sick.
  • A doctor who wants to be my friend instead of my doctor.
  • A doctor who dots his or her i's with a happy face.
  • A doctor who gives me stickers when I do the "right" thing.
  • A doctor who rants about Marxist crap before treatment.
  • A doctor who won't give my kid an aspirin or allow her to take one herself, but will give her an abortion without letting me know.
  • A doctor who has sex with school kids with the frequency of teachers.
Yeah, you know, I changed my mind. I don't want that.

Parents can choose what school to send their kids to if they have enough money to send them to a private school. But they don't have a choice on which form of education to pay for. No matter whether they want to or not, they have to pay for the lousy union-run public schools. Unionized, government indoctrinated teachers may have good intentions, but they are not well trained. Their training is not anything like a doctor's training. Teacher colleges turn out functionally-retarded graduates who are thoroughly indoctrinated with all sorts of anti-family propaganda on how the goal of schools is to erase everything of their parents from the students under their care. Teachers are terrible at writing, math, and history, with a simple-minded faith in faddish beliefs about science but absolutely no understanding of the empirical method. These are the best and brightest that the teacher schools turn out.

I do not want them taking out my appendix, giving me a prescription for a painkiller, or giving me a prostate exam. Do you want your kid's kindergarten teacher to perform brain surgery on you? How about to give you a vasectomy or tubal ligation? Set your bone? Figure out that nagging pain that keeps getting worse and that doctor after doctor can't find? Deliver your baby?

Yeah?... No.... I didn't think so.


The seven politicians you should never see on TV, Scene 1

This is the first installment of this series. And if you don't know about George Carlin's most famous routine, you better axe somebody...

"These are the heavy seven. These are the ones that'll infect your soul,
curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war." George Carlin

First up, 'Shit'...Rahm Emanuel. Ol'dead fish. The White House chief of feculence, brilliant inventor and entrepenur. If you haven't seen much of Rahm, it's because he's been working on his new prosthesis.

We all know he's number 2 in charge, right? We know he's one mean douchebag, if not the nastiest douchenista this side of Axelrod's badlands, right?

But the appointment of a prosecutor to investigate detainee abuses will soon irritate the long-simmering conflicts deep in the bowels of the CIA and the Justice Department. And Rahm seems like he would rather bake some brownies then do anything about it.

So why all of a sudden would he set this legless dog out to sea? Why would he drop this particular kid off at the pool?

This could create some rough going between two critical members of Resident Obama's national security team. The friction between the two agencies complicates how the administration handles national security issues, resulting in a painful rash of problems.

It distracts Obama, who is trying to have a movement that goes beyond the Bush years. He's trying to wipe the slate clean, so he can focus on an ambitious and chockablock domestic agenda.

In July, CIA Director Leon Panetta buckled down and tried to hold off the investigation. He sent the CIA's top lawyer, Stephen Preston, to persuade aides to Holder to take the mains offline. But officials said the Justice Department dumped a dead grandma on that idea.

Panetta phoned Holder, the CIA chief told the attorney general to back his big brown caddy out of his business. He expressed his discomfort and swore mildly at the cagando on the other end. I'm sure he just wanted to clear the air.

Rahm said that 'reports of a conflict were overblown and that the gentlemen were simply advocating for their agency's viewpoints in robust discussions.'

I want you to listen to me, I did not have sex with that woma......err....my sources at 'I know what the fuck I'm talking about bitch.com' tell me that's a huge load of meadow muffins.

Despite the mounting pressure to stop the inquiry, Holder is going to drop a chalupa on the investigation that will determine whether CIA agents were breaking the law when they simulated drowning with waterboarding, or if they were just drowning mud bunnies.

This whole thing stinks to high heaven, not to mention Holder just dropping a big jobby on the folks that will prevent another attack on America....grunt.


27 August 2009

I am the greatest blogger of all time in the Universe!

Progressive Douchebag Watch, which you are reading right now, is the most popular, intelligently written blog on the web, if you exclude all the other blogs that get more hits and are stupider because they are written by government and Soros stooges.

Just listen to super-duper-smartie-pooper Keith Olbermann explain it all below the fold, about a minute into the clip.

It's amazing how easy it is to the be the best in your field, even when all the evidence says exactly the opposite, every morning when the Nielsen overnights come in, when you are a self-important, delusional douchebag like Olbermann.

As Noel Sheppard writes:

For the record, on Monday, these were the top cable news programs:
The O'Reilly Factor - 3,440,000 viewers
Hannity - 2,937,000 viewers
Glenn Beck - 2,810,000 viewers
On The Record w/ Greta Van Susteren - 2,450,000 viewers
Special Report with Bret Baier - 2,066,000 viewers
Fox Report w/Shep Smith - 1,860,000 viewers
Countdown w/ K. Olbermann - 1,114,000 viewers
Larry King Live - 1,063,000 viewers


16% Real Unemployment rate


Says the Atlanta Fed chief. Who are the douchebags in charge of the economy again?


Democrat false flag attack on Denver Democrat Douchequarters

The SEIU and ACORN would never do this, right? No Democrats, except these two Democrats who have a history of working as paid campaigners for Democrats, would ever do this, right? Bullshit! That's the Chicago way.


26 August 2009

Clueless dingbats at dKos still lost, seeking more clues

Some gormless dingbat mouthbreather named mcjoan at dKos accuses Republicans of having a centrally planned strategy to slow down the healthcare highjack bill by invoking the ghost of Teddy "Namor the Submariner" Kennedy and gutting the bill of all its delicious commie bits. They don't. Republicans do not have any kind of message or strategy enforcement that can do that, not when they have semi-Democrats like McPain and Graham in leadership positions.

I'm talking to mcjoan now.

Know what, you fool? Your progressive douchebag team has what it takes to pass the medical care highjack without a single microgram of... guess. I'm not even going to tell you any more about what you don't need, except that you don't even remotely need it, you clueless, mouthbreathing, drug-addled dingbats.

And I'm not talking about LSD, even though I know what "microgram" makes you think of. Damn hippies!

On a tangent, try reading Atlas Shrugged for a clue, for the ideas, for the sex, for anything but the characterization. You might understand what's going on with the economy and the frustrated and denigrated Townhall crowds a little better than you did. Then you can go back to your tea-bagging and salad-tossing, and I don't really want to hear another clueless blooch out of ya.


Teddy Kennedy

So late last night I wrote that John McCain wouldn't retire until after Teddy Kennedy, and less than an hour later Kennedy dies without retiring. Now McPain's going to do the same thing and stay in the Senate until he croaks too. Maybe the ghost of Mary Jo Kopechne was hovering over my shoulder while I was typing that. I'm not saying I got the juju or the magic fingers full of boogety-woogety wee wee woo woo for all you progressives out there, but you know... I'm saying something.



25 August 2009

Progressive Republican Douchebag thinks Obama respects the Constitution

John McCain is a fool, and a shameless progressive Republican douchebag. He ought to retire, which I am sure he will do just about as quick as Teddy Kennedy will.


Economic Enhancement

Five years ago, few believed that a giant deficit could actually make an economy larger. There was a lot of skepticism that a giant deficit could do such an amazing thing. A deficit that could make an economy larger? **scoff**

But now, five years later, the Obama has borrowed over a trillion dollars from dictators of all ages, all over the world. ...

Okay, I'll admit it. At first, I was among the skeptics. I actually thought trying to create wealth by drowning our nation in an ocean of debt seemed like a really, really shitty idea. Like the guy in the eXtenZe commercial, I seemed ruled by common sense and reality. It just didn't seem possible that spending a shitload of money would actually save our nations economy.

Clearly, I was wrong.


24 August 2009

Anti-Bush douchebags get caught making bombs to kill Republicans, threaten to kill FBI informant, get informed on, more caught

We believe in the rule of law and all that shit, right? So what are we supposed to do when we are around people who are plotting to throw bombs at delegates to a political party's national convention? Are we supposed to stay quiet and let the bombs blow up, killing who they kill, or should we let the law know first so the mass murder plot can be stopped?

Next question. If your friends got caught with bombs they were planning to use to murder people of that political party, what would you do? Would you wonder what the fuck was wrong with them for planning to murder people? Or would you be mad at the guy who told the FBI about it?

What would you do? If you are Katyanne Marie Kibby of Austin, you threaten to kill the FBI informer, who promptly tells the FBI, leading to your arrest and prosecution for crimes that could put you in prison for 20 years and fine you $250 thousand.


23 August 2009

Liberals' Plan for Military Snuff Film Thwarted by Right Wing Extremists

Well, maybe they wouldn't actually tape it, but with the sick bastards we've got running the show nowadays, you can never really tell for sure.

Alright bitches, it's time to strap up and defend our defenders. Our good friends in the Zero Administration have brought back the VA's "end of life planning document," "Your Life, Your Choices."

Right. An "end of life planning document," otherwise known as the "please let us put you to sleep because it's cheaper than treating you" document.

Too harsh? Too bad, because it's the truth. Check it out:

Last year, bureaucrats at the VA's National Center for Ethics in Health Care advocated a 52-page end-of-life planning document, "Your Life, Your Choices." It was first published in 1997 and later promoted as the VA's preferred living will throughout its vast network of hospitals and nursing homes. After the Bush White House took a look at how this document was treating complex health and moral issues, the VA suspended its use. Unfortunately, under President Obama, the VA has now resuscitated "Your Life, Your Choices."

"Complex health and moral issues" my ass.

A while into the article, Jim Towey gives us a few glowing examples of exactly what’s included in this friendly little document:

"Your Life, Your Choices" presents end-of-life choices in a way aimed at steering users toward predetermined conclusions, much like a political "push poll." For example, a worksheet on page 21 lists various scenarios and asks users to then decide whether their own life would be "not worth living."

The circumstances listed include ones common among the elderly and disabled: living in a nursing home, being in a wheelchair and not being able to "shake the blues." There is a section which provocatively asks, "Have you ever heard anyone say, 'If I'm a vegetable, pull the plug'?" There also are guilt-inducing scenarios such as "I can no longer contribute to my family's well being," "I am a severe financial burden on my family" and that the vet's situation "causes severe emotional burden for my family."

Fucking. HELL. People.

By the time I finished the article, I was in a white hot rage of doom. But after I calmed down a little bit, I got an AWESOME idea. We should run this idea, make it worse, and instead of forcing it on veterans apply it to the politicans and bureaucrats who pulled their heads out of each others' asses long enough to write this horrendous "Death Book!"


That way, when politicans like Arlen Specter, Dianne Feinstein, and Teddy Kennedy (it's so not too soon) have outlived their usefulness, we could just put them to sleep rather than putting up with their idiotic bullshit!

Oooh...if you're a liberal, that last dig at Kennedy probably pissed you off. Well, now you know how we feel when you attack soldiers and veterans who put their asses on the line so you can be free to behave like a damn moron.

At any rate, I don't think this is going to fly in the end. Consider...the lefties have this guy:

The Prince who throws like a girl

...But WE have THESE guys:

Move it out soldiers!

Anyone planning on saying no to that? I didn't think so.


22 August 2009

Flickr Douchebags take down the Obama Joker cover

Yeah, that one. Flickr keeps on showing what good little progressive douchebags they are, squarely on the side of the Joker, for the suppression of political speech they don't like, for DMCA harassment, and against satire and fair use [diggable].

"Why so serious, Flickr?"

Hey Flickr, Why so serious?


Dingy Harry Reid’s evil spawn down 21 points in the polls

Next year will be a bad year for Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid and his accidental spill, Rory.

Daddy is seeking another term in the Senate. And his demonic milt is running for governor, and is 21 points behind in the Mason-Dixon poll.

Let me repeat, that’s down 21 points in a Democratic Party primary.

Nevadan's want change, their favorite candidates for governor aren't even running for office.

If the governor's election were held today, Nevadan's would prefer that U.S. District Court Judge Brian Sandoval and Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman square off in a general election.

Don't those sun-baked Nevadan's like the Reid family? Don't they appreciate that Las Vegas has a 13% unemployment rate?

Don't they understand that the Grand Douchess of the Senate made sure that putrid pile of Porkulus got pushed through without pause...how's that working, asshole?

Speaking of that Jerk-off Harry Reid...he's always got his hands full....and he's a busy politician too.

Seven other individuals are seeking the GOP nomination to run against the entrenched one.

Mark Amodei (R) State Sen., Ex-State Assemblyman, Attorney & Army Veteran

Sharron Angle (R) Ex-State Assemblywoman, Businesswoman & '06 US Rep. Candidate

John Chachas (R) Investment Banker & Ex-Congressional Intern

Chuck Kozak (R) Attorney & USMC Veteran

Sue Lowden (R) State GOP Chair

Danny Tarkanian (R) Businessman, Attorney, '06 Sec. of State Nominee & '04 State Sen. Nominee

Robin Titus (R) Physician

One of them that catches my eye is Danny Tarkanian, a Las Vegas businessman of Armenian descent. He is seeking the Republican Party nomination to challenge the Senate leader in the 2010 elections.

He is the son of College basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian. Danny Tarkanian previously ran for the Nevada State Senate in 2004 and Nevada Secretary of State in 2006, he lost both times, but in his last run he received over 230,000 votes.

But Sen. Reid, who is running for a fifth term in the Senate, has Not been doing his job long enough to raise $25 million in campaign cash.

Nevada has another senator his name is John Ensign, a Republican who has recently admitted to an extramarital affair...hey John, come over here....you're a fucking douchebag idiot on a stick....but I digress...

Harry Reid really stunk up the joint this week. In a stunning display of crassholery, Reid (and the White House, as well) began to intimate that Democrats were ready to completely ignore both the Republicans and those 'Blue-dog corporate bastards' (the left's words not mine) on healthcare reform. They would instead just go ahead and use the budget reconciliation they set up earlier this year. Meaning they'd only need 50 votes (plus Joe Biden) to approve it.....go ahead punk, Make my day.

Be like Bo Jackson and 'just do it'...you'll quickly be able to chase your dream of becoming the change-maker for the Nickel-slots during the Thrice-yearly Polyester conventions.

But let me tell you something about Harry the soft-boiled egghead, he has in the past shown a propensity for talking tough when he's bellied up to the breakfast bar, then folding like a cheese omelet when it comes time to show some Huevos.

Harry the lily-livered libertine needs to be ejected, emitted and/or expelled from senate as soon as possible.

America is counting on you Nevada!...don't blow it


Do you dress like a Douchebag?


21 August 2009

Jackass, Countdown, what's the diff?

For what it's worth, I can't tell the difference between Steve-O and Olbermann anyway. Who can?!


19 August 2009

Underpants Gnomes Alternative Healthcare Plan

The Underpants Gnomes were famous from South Park, as much as things from South Park are famous. Here is their plan for healthcare.
  1. Give free medical care and health insurance to everyone.
  2. ?
  3. Save money, improve health care quality.
That's about it! That's progressive planning for you, say something insane and claim "savings" at the end.

Look at the disgusting little effing gnomes in simpler days.



Axelrod being paid million$ from Big Pharma lobbyists through AKPD

If this is true... David Axelrod, who is one of the douche-masters behind Obama's masterful teleprompter reading, and who managed Obama's successful Presidential campaign, was the founder, president, and sole-shareholder of AKPD until he sold out after November 4. The firm owes Axelrod $2 million. I know that isn't big money in the circles the Obama$ roll in, what with Soros and Auchi and all the rest of the fatcat$ and $windler$ who bought all those copies of his books for access (you don't think ordinary people put his book on the bestseller list before 2006 do you?). But $2 million is pretty decent pocket money for Axelrod, and little company AKPD didn't have that much cash sitting around. Single owner companies usually don't, since they get stripped of all cash by their short-sighted owners. But the point is that AKPD is going to make that $2 million from big pharma companies who are spending big on astroturf and commercials to push the healthcare highjack bill down the throats of Americans who are opening their mouths not to swallow it, but to protest it. Axelrod is making money because companies want to influence the debate over a bill that Axelrod is pushing that could put them out of business. This is not only a conflict of interest; I think it's fricking extortion and bribery!

Corruption, villainy, and payola, that's what it's all about in Chicago. After all, that's the Chicago Way!


And an Arctic Woman who married an Esquimeaux shall be their leader

Things are really in the crapper when a progressive Democrat idiot like Chrissy Matthews and a progressive Republican douchebag like Kathleen Parker can seriously claim that the Republican party is being ruined by racist southern white males. Even better/worse, the douchebag twins said that Sarah Palin, a woman from Alaska who married an American Indian, or Eskimo, or something durn tooting similar and such, in the imagined words of one of those hypothetical racist (and sexist) white southern males, is their leader. Who brought up race first? Oh yeah, it was Mister Tingle himself. Chris, next time you feel a Tingle in your leg you are probably having a stroke. I only say that with the best of intentions, because something has messed up your head and you are as full of shit as a colostomy bag.

One progressive douchebag. One progressive colostomy bag. Don't get them mixed up!


18 August 2009

What happened to Ted Turner?

He has been such a reliable progressive douchebag for so many years that I'm confused when he acts like neither the Tin Woodsman nor the Scarecrow, in other words neither heartless nor brainless. Gaffney may praise T. Boone Pickens for the proposal to start producing American energy instead of giving all of America's money to oil exporting countries, but I can sense, the douchebag is strong in the Turner, so it is much more surprising to see sense out of Turner.


If I was a kook obsessive...

if I was a kook obsessive
I could be pretty progressive
with my towering stacks of papers
and my fridge all full of capers
and my papier mache head
of George Bushhitler, lip tuft-ed
in the Adolf Hitler fashion
more filling than a k-ration.
But a Hitler 'stache on Obama
isn't even allowed in drama.
And I never take a shower
but I shall speak truth to power!



17 August 2009

Batman, Batman, Wherefore art thou, Batman?

People's Cube found this photo of backroom trouble-making at the White House. I fixed it.


Dear Ashley, pay your own rent, you leech

This letter from a grand-dad to his grand-daughter is so effing smug and funny I leaned back in my chair, lost my balance, and cracked the back of my head open on the counter. Now I'm bleeding all over my mop of hair and I still can't stop chuckling, even while scrubbing blood off the nkdfapafgm.v keyboard. And the collar of my shirt too.


I received your request for assistance.

Ashley, you know I love you dearly and I’m sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own…"The Ashley Economic Empowerment Plan."

It gets way better. I always like to see another progressive douchebag face the reality behind the veneer of fauxery in their progressive Matrix fantasy world. The only thing better would be to see young Ashley suddenly realize what a cad her Adolescent Crush President was. I know he isn't going to pay her rent, her car payment, or her gas money, no matter what the idiots believed before the election.


Crooks and Liars love the idea of killing old people

I guess because Heather Monday wants to live up to the "Crooks and Liars" blogtitle, she rags at Mike Ross (Douchebag, Who Effing Cares) in total PMS mode about how he is really a faux Democrat, but really a Republican underneath, because he doesn't want to do any more than has already been done to bring Logan's Run to life in the USA. Heather is just like every other passive-aggressive granny murderer on the progressive side. She wants to kill your granny. Preferably with no blood, all clean and shit. You know, Heather, just because you bleed once a month doesn't mean you need to get your ration of iron out of my effing granny's bloodstream. What are you, a vampire?

How about you just bitch at your progressive husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or sheep or what-effing-ever like every other ball-busting, annoying progressive wife does? He or she signed up for it, after all. Granny didn't.


Do you live in Green Hell?

I think frigging all of us do!


Fact Check douchebags conveniently 'forget' that Death Panel was already passed in the Porkulus

The AP and the NYT were right, much as it galls me to say. Sarah Palin didn't identify all the death panels in legislation passed this year. The main death panel legislation, with $1.1 Billion in funding, was passed in the gigantic H.R.1 Porkulus bill that was rushed through legislation and unread by anyone, because it was too effing important. The National Coordinator of Health Information Technology sounds like a reasonable enough job, but it is another effing new, un-constitutional czar position that defines, monitors and enforces doctors' and hospitals' meaningful use of the newly created federal medical information database. HHS is the punishing authority that gets to define the penalties.

Did you notice that this bill created a bunch of appointed positions and boards that have total control over all medical care for everyone in the US, with the exception of federal government employees and certain unions? None of the responsible positions are elected ones because elected politicians, other than me, are effing pussies who are afraid to make a hard decision and take the heat. Have you ever heard of an elected politician who denies that new hip to granny? Hell no! What the elected politician does is talk up a good story about how much he values granny, pushes an expensive experimental procedure on her, and then once the bill comes due the pol rants about how much effing money the thieving doctors and hospitals charged the government.

That's about the effing size of it.


16 August 2009

Progressive Baloney Factory in Portsmouth shut down by Keith Hennessey

Read the carnage as Obama's Portsmouth presser is demolished one lie at a time here.


15 August 2009

Aunt Flo's College Football Pickem Open thread

Welcome all to the 'Aunt Flo's College Football Pickem'

This College football pool is not for money. It's for pride.

Can you pick College fb against the spread? Can you pick over .500?

This is your chance. We will be picking 11 games every week, against the spread.

Last year it was super close...

1 pilgrim058 67-64-2 51.15% 133 games picked

1 speciallist 67-64-2 51.15% 133 games picked

3 mikedevinelaw 61-71-1 46.21% 133 games picked

Unbelievably close!....can you pick better than that?

Please join us by emailing me at special@pacbell.net

I will send you instructions. A website will be handling all the details, so it's Super easy!


12 August 2009

Do not have sex with Kate White

In what is clearly an idea whose time has come, Kate White, who whines endlessly about "Relationship Angst", started a new series about why you, yes you, should not have sex with her. For some reason, she complains all the way through the column about how some guy who stuck his videos up on YouTube is a douchebag. I guess she is trying to give you, the reader, the full Kate White sexperience, complete with being called a douchebag for leaving the toilet seat up. You know, Kate, I got the idea. You are right. No one in his right mind should have sex with you.

Next up, Maureen Dowd. No one should have sex with her either. But while she is a (bottle?) redhead, just like Kate White, she may not be smart enough to realize that she should write a column about how any beer-goggled horndog who shags her will soon be listening to his purple headed, throbbing love katana begging to be chopped off and thrown in a gasoline fire before once again being tortured within the loins of Dowd. But, as any sensible reader will no doubt agree, that is in fact what any self-respecting tallywhacker would do.


How much considerably beefy and burdensome junk can be in one woman's trunk?

Hillary Clinton's plate is full.

Bill Clinton threw a birthday for someone very special in Las Vegas. Slick Willy really knows how to throw a party. He picked a great place for it. Dinner at one of the hottest and most pricey restaurants on the Strip...Craftsteak at the MGM Grand hotel.

Where they elevate the concept of a steakhouse by charging $240 for an 8-ounce wagyu New York strip steak. Potatoes and other sides are extra, of course.

All the A-list Douchenistas were there. Former Vice President Al Gore and John D. Podesta. As well as Terry McAuliffe, Paul Begala, Haim Saban....wait, who?..Hollywood executive and significant financial contributor to Mr. Clinton.

Lets not forget Steve Bing, Hollywood media mogul who regularly lends Bill his private jet. Even if Bill wants to take it to North Korea, and poke his big fat nose up in Hillary's business.

So who would Bill throw such a lavish party for? That's right, himself. Turns out he just turned 63.

Why was Bill having it now, when his birthday isn't until Aug 19th? Why would he invite Algore? Why would Algore come to Clinton's b-day, unless there was some kind of manmade ego cooling or some sort of a rapprochement between them.

I think I remember, I was sitting in Harry Reid's kitchen after doing his Mom....Harry wandered in and mentioned something about a 'National Clean Energy Summit' that he was throwing together. Bill Clinton was one of the marquee speakers. Does Algore know that both China and India told him to go bugger off as far as capping emissions go? Did Algore remember to turn off all his lights at the mansion? Does Algore jerk-off to Inconvenient Truth?

I gotta give credit, two events with one trip to Vegas...props to all those guys for using their private-jet fuel so efficiently.

It weighs heavy on Hillary's heart that she can't be there watching over Bill, but, like her grand derriere, she carries her huge burden without complaint.

Hillary has to be strong as she deftly manages the unbearable weight of her massive workload. Plus, folks always seize on these episodes as evidence of further troubles in the substantially gravid Clinton marriage.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, left, is seen letting housing project manger Patricia Matolengwe, right, try on some of her clothes during a visit on the outskirts of Cape Town, South Africa(AP Photo/Phil Graves)

President Jacob Zuma’s administration of South Africa has overturned the failed AIDS polices of his predecessor, Thabo Mbeki, and in so doing has reversed damage, saved lives and reinstated good relations with the international community. South Africa, with its enormous AIDS problem, had been conducting AIDS policies that were based on prejudice rather than science.

This week, Hillary welcomed the new South African governments approach to dealing with the HIV and AIDS problem, after years in which SA officials denied the link between the two and even promoted ‘cures’ such as eating beets and garlic. Hillary politely disagreed saying a parturient amount of eating can be a great way of dealing with most any problem.

"Is that the catering truck I hear?, get me something with bacon on it" Clinton said at a US-funded clinic where emaciated patients receive antiretroviral drugs.

So,Hillary continues her elephantine march through an 11-day tour of Africa, speaking in the conflict-torn Democratic Republic of Congo, which faces an epidemic of rape and sexual violence.

Now either Hillary hasn't been laid for quite some time or she's having the painters in for hummer week, cause she had a hair trigger...especially when someone mentioned her care-free husband. (who was probably naked doing Tequila belly shots as they spoke)

Maybe she misheard the question? Hillary's thick skin strained against the faux-polyester material of her tight-fitting pantsuit as the French translator got it wrong, translating "what does your husband think" for "what does your president think."

"Wait, you want to know what my husband thinks? My husband is not the secretary of State...I am," she snapped. "You ask my opinion, I will tell you my opinion. I'm not going to be channeling my husband."

"It's inappropriate for a diplomat to be so harshly personal," said Robert Schadler, senior fellow in public diplomacy at the American Foreign Policy Council, "You can't imagine the great secretaries of state with expressing that unnecessary personal view when they would be overseas and talking to a foreign audience."

I think Clinton's outburst was a reaction to her struggle to remain comfortable in a chair that was barely holding together under the substantial heftiness of her-thighness, as well as the fact that the first six months as top diplomat have been overshadowed by her husband's successful mission last week bring home two American journalists from a North Korean prison.

Hillary Clinton has struggled for decades to balance her weight, her interests and her ambitions against her husband's.

She was sidelined in June with a broken elbow, which luckily didn't interfere with her multi-course meals, but it did keep her from accompanying President Obama on some high-profile foreign trips. Rumor has it she can consume mass-quantities of Honey-roasted peanuts. Incidently, this is not the first time people have asked for her husband's point of view.

Speaking of her husband, Hillary unveiled a $17 million plan Tuesday to fight the widespread sexual violence in eastern Congo, the problem she said was "an evil that really hits home."

The corpulent cabinet secretary, speaking from a reinforced stage, during a visit to Goma, the epicenter of war-torn Congo, she said she would send military folks to help train Congolese police officers to crack down on rapists. She also said the American government would help train gynecologists and supply rape victims with video cameras.....to document the violence...What the Fuck?

"This problem is too big for one country to solve alone, I'm not here to leave a business card, but I can't wave a magic wand either"...again, What the Fuck?

Hey Hillary, did you know that the Congo has been awash in bloodshed for more than a decade. You don't have time for another bag of cookies. Recent Congo-Rwanda military operations along the border have provoked revenge attacks and driven more than 500,000 people from their homes. Dozens of villages of have been burned, hundreds of villagers massacred and countless women raped. In fact, hundreds of thousands of women have been sexually assaulted.

Put down the Nachos Bell Grande and pay attention. Rapes of men have begun to increase as well.

When Clinton lugged her abundant and copious frame to Africa, she promised she would shine a light on the civilian deaths and endemic sexual violence and that she would call on the government of Congo, whose own soldiers share some blame in many of the abuses, to do a better job of protecting its own people. I gather that's where the Video cameras come in...Heck of a job, Hillary.


11 August 2009

There's Dig Dug to be played!

You know you want to.

And if that doesn't work, try it here.


No Photo ID requirement to vote, just to attend "Mean" Eugene Green's stacked Town Hall

"Mean" Eugene Green (Douchebag, TX) is shivering with fear like a stack of commie-red jello slices on a subway seat at the idea that people might get upset at the thought of the healthcare high-jack he supports. He's such a sissy he doesn't want any of them anywhere near him, so he's going to keep those paid Republican protesters who get bussed in from out of district out of his Town Hall meeting. You see, old "Meany" is going to check photo IDs to prevent people who are not allowed to vote in his district from attending his precious Town Hall.

Lookee here.

Town hall meetings are one of my favorite ways to communicate with constituents. I have held hundreds during my years of service in Congress and always welcomed everyone to attend. Unfortunately, due to a coordinated effort to disrupt our town hall meetings, we will be restricting further attendance to residents of the 29th Congressional District and verifying residency by requiring photo identification. Whether individuals agree or disagree, we must maintain order to have a civil discussion of the issues. While I regret this restriction, it is necessary for the safety and consideration of our constituents. Those who do not reside in the 29th Congressional should contact their Member of Congress to voice any concerns that they may have on issues before Congress.

That's cool, "Meany." When you get back to DC we all fully expect you to sponsor a Voter ID law to keep those out-of-district yahoos from voting in their own district, and then getting in the ACORN, SEIU or AFL-CIO short-bus and voting in your district. You know what I'm talking about, "Meany," just like the Democrats have always done it in Texas. I think LBJ was even proud of it.

But here's the tough question... What are you going to do when your Town Hall is still filled up with your actual constituents who drove themselves to your meeting and made their signs at home, on the kitchen table, with markers they bought themselves, and who do not want you to high-jack their health insurance with the bills currently under consideration? Are you going to shout "The reason is... Shut up! I won! and George Bush"? That's what your spastic leader does. Act like a horse's ass and shout George Bush, just like a two year old telling lies they didn't pee in their pants and blaming it all on a big brother.

Well, George W. Bush may have acted like a big brother to you and your juvenile delinquents in the Douchebag party, but we all know who wants to be the Big Brother from 1984. Mmm hmm, it's Kenya's favorite politician. Unfortunately, he's not America's favorite politician anymore, just the douchebags' fave. And the number of douchebags is shrinking.

Toodles, Toots! I'll see ya when it comes to tarring and feathering time.


09 August 2009

Iraq War Veterans Against the War running for Congress

The face of the IVAW is one of veterans who have turned against their country. I don't take lightly that the members of this group fought for the United States of America however I do take umbrage with their means for ending the war. They, like John Francois Kerry, joined groups who forced the war to go on longer than was necessary.


08 August 2009

Video: Forked Tongue Obama

He started talking with the sweet-talking side of his forked tongue, all lovey dovey and slick, and finished the speech with the bullying thug side, like an abusive boyfriend. He sure is dreamy isn't he, with those half-closed bedroom eyes and the muscly physique. He's like one of those boyfriends who makes you seem like you're the center of the world until he has you where he wants you, and then he treats you like shit. Uhhh, I'm not gay, but I can imagine... <blush>

How can anybody trust him after seeing this?

What a douchebag, and a dreamboat! But are you sure you want to get back together with that boyfriend?

h/t: HotAir.


07 August 2009

Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World, Inaugural Edition

Shorter Jason Linkins.

How does Keith Olbermann [still] have a job?
And for your years of striving, Keith Olbermann, he of the chin that fits so naturally between his thumb and forefinger, of the glasses to signify his intelligence, of the ponderous syntax, stentorian voice, and the adolescent man-crushes on Murrow, Cronkite and Obama. Yes, that Olbermann. The male Ann Coulter, only with half the balls. That Olbermann. Keith, we are pleased to be able to present you with the inaugural copy of the award you inspired.

With no further ado, ladies and gentlemen, give Keith a hand for deservedly winning the Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World Award!

Mr. Olbermann, it couldn't have happened to a bigger douchebag. I believe that all the way down to the very bottom of my heart.


Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, but you're not marrying a carnival ride you twisted freak

When Amy Wolfe was young and asked who she would marry her parents might have quoted Doris Day to her but I am certain neither they nor she expected que sera, to actually sera.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

http://www.knoebels.com/images/rides/1001nacht1.jpgMiss Wolfe is planning to marry an amusement park ride, and it isn't even a roller coaster like the Phoenix at Knoebels (one of the top 10 roller coasters in the US). She is in love with a wussy ride. She likes to ride it and kiss it on every surface she can reach when she's riding. She keeps spare nuts and bolts from it and keeps a photo of it on her ceiling. The presumably lucky ride, named "1001 Nachts by Weber" makes his residence in Knoebels Amusement Park in Pennsylvania. The blushing ride-bride-to-be, who plans to take the ride's last name of Weber, says she loves him as much as all women love their husbands. Perhaps. But not likely.

One thing we do know is that they do not need to read this flowchart to tell if they are going to have sex.

Shit. I can't go on. This is stupid.

She is nuts! And anybody who encourages her insanity by pretending it's acceptable is doing harm to her.

This is EXACTLY what is wrong with America. People know fucking well that it is WRONG to have feelings for an amusement park ride, let alone marry it, and they aren't doing or saying a single goddamn thing. They play along like the 33-year-old Miss Wolfe is just eccentric. She isn't eccentric or troubled, she is bat-freaking-shit insane! The reason we don't send illegal migrants back across the border is this refusal to say some things are just wrong. There are wrong things. We all know that. Murder and theft and slander are wrong. But the first instinct of many Americans is to defend crooks against accusations, no matter what. That's why we don't execute serial killers in America until they have burned through millions of dollars of taxpayer's money in court costs. That's why we are giving fucking terrorists captured on the battlefield on the other side of the world Miranda Rights as if they were stopped for a busted tail light on Main St. They are not Americans. They don't get Miranda Rights. We Americans do all sorts of other crazy things too, all because we don't want to take a fucking stand and say THIS IS WRONG.

We give newts, beetles, and minnows rights to property before the human owners of that property. We let hippies sue manufacturing companies to death for environmental excuses and drive them out of the country, then we wonder why the fuck we have so many factory workers who can't find jobs. Americans know how to run an economy that makes everybody wealthier than anyone except kings and queens in other countries, yet we vote in politicians who promise they will dismantle our wealth producing economy and replace it with mandatory paid volunteer jobs, whatever the fuck that means. We have seen communist economics fail again and again and we don't stand up to communists and tell them THEY ARE WRONG before chasing them out of positions where we grant them authority over us and our families. We don't hold our own elected officials responsible and vote them out of office when they betray us. Why not? Are we pussies or what? We pretend it's right for a woman to marry a woman, or a man to marry a man, and it is not. Marriage is for the production of children, who will be the future. That is its purpose. And a man marrying a man is never going to hear the patter of little feet who are of him and his "partner." Two men can't get together and create life. Not yet, at least. And don't even get me started on cloning.

So are we going to stand up like men and say it's wrong? Or are we going to sing ourselves to sleep with Que Sera? As if we were little girls suckling our mama's teat...
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.


Congress exempt from Healthscare and Kick-the-Bucket counseling

Aunt Flo is in town all week and I'll be staying at the red roof inn.

Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., looking spent and smoking a cigarette as he left the doctors office, announced on Friday that he has prostate cancer. It seems he's had a growing problem, and at first, his doctor couldn't put his finger on it. But after countless tests, they made the proper diagnosis and he expects to make a full recovery.

"As a member of Congress, I have great health insurance. I've had the best fingers in medicine available to probe for any and all potential problems in, up and around my plump and well kissed ass. I was able to seek the opinions of multiple highly skilled doctors, we did the test over and over and over....hey, it's the only way I can choose the treatment that’s right for me. I'm a little sore, but my prognosis is excellent."

Like most Dems, Dodd has been pushing to get the disaster, otherwise known as the 'socialized medicine bill' passed.

There is one big problem though...so batten down the hatches and tell your husband that it's gonna be all anal sex week, cause I'm gonna start ragging...

Turns out, Congress has exempted itself from having to participate in the plan that they are proposing to shove down the throat of the citizenry. The plan itself is probably not something either Dodd or Kennedy would be able to swallow without gagging.

Chris Dodd, who turned 65 in May, has been temporarily chairing the Senate health committee for 77-year-old Sen. Edward “Ted” Kennedy, D-Chapp. Kennedy has barely moved from his bed...err....is 'working a reduced schedule' since being diagnosed with brain cancer last year.

Which is like some sort of nasty karma that I hope to never create for myself...but I digress...

Known only to those who have read it, the bill blatantly admits health care would be rationed.

Let me ask you a question, Would Dodd and Kennedy's treatment be rationed if they were using the health care plan they are trying to inflict on everyone else?

Don't be such a stupid douchebag!

Due to their ages, requests for multiple and unlimited digital rectal exams, not to mention surgery, would Not have been immediately scheduled.

Chances are they would instead be visited by a government cost-cutter to counsel them on end-of-life services. Dodd would have to learn how to live with balls the size of grapefruit and Kennedy would learn not to worry when spinal fluid starts leaking out his eyes. We wouldn't want to waste money on extended treatment.

And another thing, they would also be competing for rationed medical care with illegal aliens...

"My hope is that we will pass the healthcare bill so that every one, even illegal immigrant young men, can enjoy the breathtaking tenderness of America's long-fingered doctors."

You hear that? That's the sound of young immigrant men Running for the border! Who says we have to deport anyone...just 'snap' on some gloves and watch them disappear.

And...How will Barry pay for all these extra examinations?

Obama has stated he will not raise taxes to pay for his socialized health care plan. The bill actually states, "The tax imposed under this section shall not be treated as tax imposed by this chapter..." Hi, he lies.

Resident Obama will not only require every persons medical records to be accessible through the internet, it will also have direct real-time access to all individual bank accounts for electronic funds transfers.

Resident Obama and his cronies will decide whether an illness or injury is chronic, progressive, life-limiting, life-threatening or terminal and will decide whether you're admitted to a skilled nursing facility, a long-term care facility or a hospice program.

Resident Obama would set provisions for "community-based medical home" defined as nonprofit community-based or state-based organizations that provide medical home services and employ community health workers, as determined appropriate by one of his many Czars. These would be new federal funding opportunities for organizations such as the National Council of La Raza, ACORN and AARP.

Call for a code red, there's communists in the summer house...that lying SOB should have been dishonorably discharged from the Uterine Navy 47 years ago.

This is war. This is not arts and crafts week at Panty Camp, it's Game Day for the Crimson Tide, so get out there call your Congress critters and Fight.


The Real Joke is Government Service

I became confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies.

  • Internal Revenue 'Service'
  • U..S. Postal 'Service'
  • Telephone 'Service'
  • Cable TV 'Service'
  • Civil 'Service'
  • State, City, County & Public 'Service'
  • Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I.


06 August 2009

Happy Belated Birthday, Sultan Mubarak Hussein Milhous "X" Obama Jr.

#IAMTHEMOB with a Happy Belated Birthday wish for the man whose parents, both committed Communists, met in a Russian Language class in 1960. Listen to the dulcet tones (snort) of Glenn Beck, one of America's real anchormen, go on and on with warning bell after warning bell until you wonder why it didn't sound like you were trapped up in a bell tower with 20 full sized bells ringing the carillon before the 2008 elections.

And this is the way they ring
the bells in Bedlam
(from Ringing the Bells by Anne Sexton)

Well, watch it again and again. It never grows old.

Though the people's love of the regime of Sultan Obama may grow old long before his term ends.

And this is the way they ring
the bells in Bedlam
and this is the bell-lady
who comes each Tuesday morning
to give us a music lesson
and because the attendants make you go
and because we mind by instinct,
like bees caught in the wrong hive,
we are the circle of crazy ladies
who sit in the lounge of the mental house
and smile at the smiling woman
who passes us each a bell,
who points at my hand
that holds my bell, E flat,
and this is the gray dress next to me
who grumbles as if it were special
to be old, to be old,
and this is the small hunched squirrel girl
on the other side of me
who picks at the hairs over her lip,
who picks at the hairs over her lip all day,
and this is how the bells really sound,
as untroubled and clean
as a workable kitchen,
and this is always my bell responding
to my hand that responds to the lady
who points at me, E flat;
and although we are not better for it,
they tell you to go. And you do.
(Ringing the Bells by Anne Sexton)

Happy Belated Birthday, Sultan


05 August 2009

Nancy [D-CA], you ignorant, progressive, slut...

How do you live with yourself? How do you not choke on the bile filled projection which comes out of your ignorant yap?

Seriously...you compared hardworking Americans, whose only wish is that you leave them the hell alone [including our HealthCare], to Nazi's!!

Yes Nancy...we are all just a bunch of teabaggin redneck Nazi's carrying swastikas*. But we are not.

We are you worst fucking nightmare. We are an informed electorate who you and your fellow douches on Capitol Hill have managed to finally push into a corner. Well my personal fight or flight instinct leans towards fight...so that is what I shall do.

You've done gone and woken up the Tree Ents...and you have done so in ignorance of their strength.

Now pay close attention Nancy because I want you to understand what you are about to see...This is a metaphorical expression of what I want done to your policies

Douche Baggins McGee...out!!

* Ever heard of Godwin's Law...Debate FAIL


I am such a nerd!

This blog in beta was re-conceptualized and designed using The Business Templates. This is a kickass blogger template we highly recommend. We commented out a couple of things, like the section that turns on the LinkBar, and the section that turns off the Blogger NavBar, added 100px to the width of all the outer elements, 100px to the post section, and 33px to each of the footer sections. The left-over 1px is anything but obvious. Other than that it just boiled down to choosing the colors from the Blogger 2.0 menu, drawing a new header graphic (100px wider), and choosing widgets wisely.


Dan Riehl takes on The Northern Douche [a.k.a. Gryphen a.k.a. Jesse Griffin]

Again for background go here.

Below you will find a 4 part audio of Dan Riehl with Eddie Burke discussing the Palin Divorce [among other rumors] rumor created by The Northern Douche.

Not a lot of douche filled commentary on this one...just spreading the word.

Oh...did I mention that you shouldn't piss off Stacy McCain and Dan Riehl.

Ok...just wanted to make sure.

Douche Baggins McGee here...signing out!!


Chris Matthews still smitten -- it's okay. We understand

It's almost sad, really. The way you were begging her, Chris; pleading for Barbara Boxer to assure you that, yes, those mean people protesting the President's plans were simply a part of a scam. A put-on run by the Pharmaceutical and Insurance industries. There couldn't be any real, normal people who disagree with Obama. He's—why, he's perfect. He's The One.

It's okay, Chris. We've all been in love. Blind to those faults pointed out by others. Ready to fight to the death anyone who dares besmirch the name or reputation of our Beloved.

How it must astound you, Chris, that there could possibly be people who cannot see Barack for the warm, wonderful leader he so obviously is. That they could be anything but stunned by the beauty and confidence he radiates.

But you... you can see Him as He is, can't you, Chris? As he stands there, the very essence of power and authority. And then his voice. Oh, if you could still get it up, how that Voice would send you over the edge!

Ah, but how right this secret love feels. The sidelong glances. That knowing, warm smile. You pay your own tributes, do you not? As you sit in your dressing room, you know you should be preparing for your show, but, after all, the President's Weekly Prime Time address is about to begin. And the lights go down. You light the special candles. Box of tissue on your right -- just in case. And when the President speaks, you close your eyes and imagine. The world fades away, and he's talking to you. Just to you. That familiar tingle runs up your leg, and in your minds eye, you are with Him alone, at kneeling at His feet. He talks that wonderful, beautiful talk, and you, in tribute ... — but for now the fantasy will have to do.

At least you have your dreams, until that day finally comes. The day when you finally throw caution to the wind and work up the courage to put on that blue dress, that dark beret, and knock, ever so gently, on His door.


The Douchebaggery continues for Jesse "Gryphen" Griffin

Check the Riehl World and The Other McCain for the details.

A quick recap...

Someone starts a rumor that Palin is seeking divorce.

Dan Riehl and R.S. McCain expose the douchebag who started the rumor*.

Of course this little amount of fame is not enough to quench the vast chasm of douchebaggery in which Jesse "Gryphen" Griffin lives.

Not understanding, apparently because of his lower than room temperature I.Q., the type of people he was up against...he cried foul.

In doing so, he questioned the journalistic integrity of both Riehl and McCain....Dumb Move!!

So there is where things seem to stand today....Gryphen is still a lying douchebag, who loves to watch porn [preferably amateur] and teach Kindergarten while bashing on scary powerful conservative women who frighten him.

One piece of advice for Dan and Stacy....always wear gloves when squeezing a douchebag.

Go read Dan and Stacy's blogs...now!!

Douche Baggins McGee

* Seriously...how lonely and insignificant must a man feel to attempt to destroy a marriage just because the woman scares him? And somehow this douchebag is trusted with the education of Kindergartners.


Health care professionals realize that Douches are dangerous

There are politicians whose very appearance can make you to turn your gaze in disgust, uttering the word "douche" in a long drawn out breath.

Whether it's Democrats in power not allowing time to really read and understand the proposed Porkulus and Healthcare Plans or those same Democrats wanting the American people to shut up while promising to clean their vaginas of unwanted odors.

The Congressional Budget Office strongly discourages Douches, warning that they can lead to recession, currency devaluation, and a hole so big, you'll have to tie a 2x4 to your ankles to keep from falling in.

Barack Obama has a variety of negative qualities, such as arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions....yes, he's super-douchey.

Robert Gibbs, official White House douche-nozzle, told the press today that the Republicans are sending "Right Wing Extremists and Teabaggers" to disrupt the Town Hall Meetings being held by Senators and Congressmen in their home states.

Teabaggers......Fuck off Gibbs.

Temporary Democrat and Republican critters are hearing loud and clear from the people in their states. They don't like Obama's policies and his rush to push them through.

Videos show angry (what's wrong with angry?) Town Hall Meeting attendees asking Resident Obama and temporary Representatives if they will drop their gold-plated government healthcare, bendover and use the healthcare program that will be inflicted everyday Americans.

The temporary Democrats and the Resident Obama are hiding the real costs of their plans, while they try to brainwash the American people into believing that the plans are cost effective and can be used after intercourse as a method of birth control.

Obama is pushing for "end of life counseling for the elderly"...does it mean the elderly will not get prescriptions, medical care, self-cleaning and natural bacterial culture they need to stay alive?

Our President is not listening because he apparently does not care what the American people believe in and want for our country. More later.


04 August 2009

Lying Democrat Douchebags give me hemorrhoids

Not that anybody has given me any sympathy about it (jerks), but old Blago Bloggo has been talking hemorrhoids more often than most people do. This is not just because they are both funny and look exactly like Harry Reid. The giga-progressive regime currently in power is giving me hemorrhoids.

I hate Lying Democrat Douchebags because they plan to turn the Health Care system into a gigantic domestic spying agency that knows everything about everybody and disclaims all responsibility for protecting that information from every Harry, Dick, and John (Reid, Durbin, and Podesta, naturally) who wants to use it to rip me off. Ever since they got this idea, it's been making my bunghole twinge. My ass hurts like hell! I don't have a size 11 poop chute either, mine is petite. But I know it's gonna get ravaged by Obamacare. And now I find out that the White House is recruiting informers to spy on their fellow citizens and turn them in to the White House if they say anything against the diktat of the Party Secretary, Uncle Joebarack Stalinbama.

OK, you sneaky informers, this is just for you. Listen up. I looooove the idea of having my current healthcare insurance taken away and being replaced with rebranded Medicare, so I get to wait another goddamn six months to have this Obamacare-caused hemorrhoid looked at! I LOVE IT SO MUCH I COULD PUKE ALL OVER YOUR ENVIRO-WEENIE HONEY OATS AND CLUSTERS CEREAL!

And that's why I hate Lying Democrat Douchebags: Their well intentioned idiotic plans that always lead straight to HEMORRHOID HELL!


Yikes! Democrat douchebags scared stupid of regular American citizens

What are progressive douchebags like Dick Turban (Douchebag, IL) most scared of?


Progressive Douchebag alert??...You make the call.

Jesse Griffin is a douchebag. This much at least is clear.

Our subject today is...Jesse Griffin a.k.a. Gryphen (see here for background). This is the big fat mendacious scumbag liar who last weekend spread the rumor that Sarah Palin was getting a divorce because he is a loser who can't get enough of smearing her.

This story has been debunked by Dan Riehl and R.S. McCain, but the story is far from over.

Upon receiving notice that legal proceedings were beginning against him, and his self-outing as a part-time kindergarten teacher and Progressive Douchebag, he predictably cried foul and impugned the character of both McCain and Riehl. Waaah, waah, waah.

The first thing I learned as part of my Douchebag reform program was that you don't go to a gunfight with a knife or a battle of wits with the brains that... well.. that God gave to Jesse Griffin. Apparently micro-cephalic Jesse Griffin never learned those lessons, which is why he is feeling like a hemorrhoid in a sandpaper factory at this moment in time.

Oh...and the fact that he is a un-reformed douchebag, as is apparent from some of the thought free lunacy he he writes, like this...

Quick hide your children! They are getting ready to feed them into Vietraq's bottomless pit of death and destruction.

I am teaching my boys to wear dresses and swish when they walk because being ignorant or drug addicted is no longer a guarantee of being passed over. If your not willing to suck cock then pack up your going to Iraq!

Vietraq... is that supposed to be funny or insightful? He may be Alaska's model metrosexual parent, but what a douchebag! At least I hope he's writing as a parent. I shudder to think that he might be talking about his kindergarten boys in that last paragraph! Yuk!

Blaggo Bloggo ... out!


03 August 2009


I don't see what the problem is with Barack Obama as one of the villains from the Batman movies. All I know is the tolerant progressive douchebags who mocked up posters of Dumb and Dumberer with George W. Bush on them are going postal over these new Obama posters.

So, uhhhh, what's the problem anyway? Does somebody have a problem with the whole metrosexual thing? What's the matter? R Progressive douchebags down on teh gheys or something?


Dem Health Care Change Bill Lie #1: You can keep your insurance (but: only for a year or two)

Let's listen to the experts on Obamacare, a.k.a. the Change Health Care So It SUCKS Act. Normally socialists lie in public, but they thought they were speaking only to their fellow socialist utopian douchenozzles, so now the proof is out there where even those socialist Democrats who still read with phonics can easily understand it.

What was that again? "I don't think we'll eliminate employer coverage immediately. There's going to be potentially some transition process. I can envision a decade out, or fifteen or twenty years out."

It sounds like the plan is to eliminate private health insurance over some period of time. Actually, it doesn't sound like it. It's OBVIOUS!

"He was right. The man was right!"

You know, all those lying progressive douchebags are capable of telling the truth every once in a blue moon. It feels good to speak the truth, doesn't it?


Blog Archive

Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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