04 August 2009

Lying Democrat Douchebags give me hemorrhoids

Not that anybody has given me any sympathy about it (jerks), but old Blago Bloggo has been talking hemorrhoids more often than most people do. This is not just because they are both funny and look exactly like Harry Reid. The giga-progressive regime currently in power is giving me hemorrhoids.

I hate Lying Democrat Douchebags because they plan to turn the Health Care system into a gigantic domestic spying agency that knows everything about everybody and disclaims all responsibility for protecting that information from every Harry, Dick, and John (Reid, Durbin, and Podesta, naturally) who wants to use it to rip me off. Ever since they got this idea, it's been making my bunghole twinge. My ass hurts like hell! I don't have a size 11 poop chute either, mine is petite. But I know it's gonna get ravaged by Obamacare. And now I find out that the White House is recruiting informers to spy on their fellow citizens and turn them in to the White House if they say anything against the diktat of the Party Secretary, Uncle Joebarack Stalinbama.

OK, you sneaky informers, this is just for you. Listen up. I looooove the idea of having my current healthcare insurance taken away and being replaced with rebranded Medicare, so I get to wait another goddamn six months to have this Obamacare-caused hemorrhoid looked at! I LOVE IT SO MUCH I COULD PUKE ALL OVER YOUR ENVIRO-WEENIE HONEY OATS AND CLUSTERS CEREAL!

And that's why I hate Lying Democrat Douchebags: Their well intentioned idiotic plans that always lead straight to HEMORRHOID HELL!

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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