Return of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

According to Bill "Linda Tripp Hater" Clinton, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy^TM is alive and well and attacking President Obama.

"It's not as strong as it was because America has changed demographically, but it's as virulent as it was," Clinton said today on NBC's "Meet the Press."

Seems that President Cigar Lover thinks that President Panderer's situation will turn out differently, because he has a "Positive Agenda^TM" for the country.

"I mean they may be hurting President Obama," Bill Clinton said of the current attacks. "They can take his numbers down, they can run his opposition up, but fundamentally he and his team have a positive agenda for America. Their agenda seems to be wanting him to fail, and that's not a good prescription for a good America.

I take it, then, that Mr. Assault Weapons Ban failed to pass his healthcare plan because he didn't have a Positive Agenda^TM? His words, not mine.

Clinton also thinks that the doom-and-gloom predictions (if you're a Democrat, that is) of a Republican takeover of the House are unfounded. He thinks America has fundamentally changed:

But, Clinton said, the current situation will not lead to a "repeat of 1994", when Democrats lost 15 seats in the House for the first time in 40 years, crippling progress on his administration's agenda. "There's no way they can make it that bad, for several reasons," Clinton said.

For one, he said, "The country is more diverse and interested in positive action.

You mean the "diverse" voting block put in place by vote fraud groups like ACORN? The block that includes illegal aliens and the Dallas Cowboys offensive line?

I'll agree with Slick Willie that Obama hasn't taken on the gun lobby, but I sincerely doubt the Gun Owners of America and the National Rifle Association are going to sit on their heels in 2010 and 2012. Democrats never saw a gun they didn't want to ban, and President Obama is from Chicago, where mere possession of a hand gun gets you convicted of child molestation.

Keep trying that misdirection with your Vast Right Wing Conspiracy^TM lunacy, Willie. Keep dreaming about getting back into the White House. We all know that's your Positive Agenda^TM.

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A Rolling Stone Gathers mo Douchebags

Rolling Stone Magazine, that most even keeled of all the myriad magazines that are rock and roll magazines (notice how that doesn't really say much good about RS?), is reviewing the fall rock and roll releases. Rock and roll musicians, especially the stars, are so freaking lucky and make so much money at such a young age, and get laid so easily without ever making a commitment, that they have no connection whatsoever to the reality that normal people live in. In their experience it is possible to live in a fantasy-world. In the lives of most people who have failed at a few things and had to work their asses off before they succeed, rejecting fantasy logic and coming to an accommodation with reality is a crucial step before they can succeed on their own merit. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to detect the douchebags in the list. There are none as obvious as Led Zeppelin with their shark dildo or Neil Young insulting everyone south of the Mason Dixon line. Turn on your bullshit and douchebag detectors and let's tiptoe through the tulips.

Artist: Pearl Jam
Album: Backspacer
Douchebaggery: Is Eddie Vedder a douchebag? Yes. For one thing, he doesn't sing. He mumbles. It takes a mind-reader to understand his lyrics. His lyrics are even more obscure than Michael Stipe's. And he also likes commies better than the producers who make the manufacturing, mining, and farming profits that eventually work through the economy and pay for his albums. That's why he's a progressive douchebag.

Artist: Mariah Carey
Album: Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel
Douchebaggery: I don't think she's a douchebag. She is a wacko.

Artist: Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band
Album: Between my Head and the Sky
Douchebaggery: Are you fricking kidding me? Total douchebag! Who broke up the Beatles again? She is the platonic ideal of douchebag.

Artist: Paramore
Album: Brand New Eyes
Douchebaggery: Not douchebags as far as I know.

Artist: Monsters of Folk
Album: Monsters of Folk
Douchebaggery: Supposedly a supergroup. RS calls them a group of troubadors. Those are always bad signs when it comes to douchebaggery.

Artist: Ghostface Killah
Album: Ghostdini, Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City
Douchebaggery: Check the name of the album. He's a Wacko! But then I knew that even back in Wu Tang days.

Artist: Avett Brothers
Album: I and Love and You
Douchebaggery: How can banjo players be douchebags when the banjo is the least glamorous instrument this side of the bagpipes?

Artist: Nelly Furtado
Album: Mi Plan
Douchebaggery: It's in fricking Spanish! Douchebag!

Artist: Alice in Chains
Album: Black Gives way to Blue
Douchebaggery: RIP Layne Staley. The remaining douchebags are dancing on your heroin soaked grave. Who is a bigger douchebag: The smack addict who throws away success and the culmination of a lifetime of dreams and hard work for a needle full of forgetfulness; or the supporting musicians who have to keep the memory of the old band going after the magic is gone? I could say the same thing for Mother Love Bone vis a vis Pearl Jam.

Artist: Sean Kingston
Album: Tomorrow
Douchebaggery: He's a kid. He's a rapper. He is in with all the "cool" douchebag rappers. Though poised for douchedom I got no idea if he's there already.

Artist: Miranda Lambert
Album: Revolution
Douchebaggery: She has a song about shooting a radio full of bullets. Isn't that what Elvis did, except he did it to a TV? Copycat douchebaggery.

And here I'm calling it a wrap. Mostly I'm stopping because I like Kris Kristofferson and don't want to pronounce him a douchebag. Even should he be one.

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