Showing posts with label Nucking Futz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nucking Futz. Show all posts

03 February 2010

DOJ Now With Even More Kafkaesque

In case Eric Holder's Department of Justice isn't Kafkaesque enough, with dropping clear-cut cases of voter intimidation that had already been won against New Black Panthers who were filmed outside a polling place swinging nightsticks and telling white people not to vote there, prosecuting Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in a civilian criminal court in New Fricking York for waging war against the United States, sending Elian Gonzalez back to the communist hellhole of Cuba (yes, Holder was the one), and refusing to pursue charges against ACORN, guess what? It can get even more Kafkaesque.
Justice is advertising for prospective trial attorneys in its Civil Rights Division. The ad specifically says that the department encourages applicants who suffer from “mental retardation” and “mental illness.” It is one thing to accommodate those with illnesses that do not otherwise render them unfit to serve in a highly demanding and elite corps of DOJ attorneys; but to seek out those who are “mentally retarded” for special consideration is certainly novel.
Here is the screenshot for your non-progressive eyes to see. Progressives will not need to see evidence with their eyes. They process every vying truth claim through their ideology lobe instead of using common sense and getting the facts straight.


So it is possible that the DOJ could send a mentally ill, mentally retarded, completely paralyzed, blind, and deaf attorney with dwarfism and gigantism out to pursue a RICO case against ACORN and SEIU.

...

Suddenly it doesn't seem quite so unexpected...

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21 January 2010

What if the Despicable Woody Allen were black?

Ever wonder what would have happened to Woody Allen if he were black and he married his step-daughter? Well, now we have the chance to see. Morgan Freeman, you know the guy who played God in those Bruce Almighty movies, is marrying his step-granddaughter.

What the hell?

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Progressive Douchebags almost passed law saying "a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people"

Reason mag pointed out that the Oregon House, anticipating defeat in a public referendum on its tax increase plan, inserted cunning language into the bill stating that a successful public referendum to defeat the tax increase would actually approve the tax increase, and an unsuccessful one would defeat it.

Lies lies lies, typical progressive douchebag Democrat lies.
"A measure referred to the people by referendum petition may not be adopted unless it receives an affirmative majority of the total votes cast on the measure rejecting the measure. For  purposes of this subsection, a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people."
I believe the formal name of the measure was the "FUCK YOU PEOPLE" rule.




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11 January 2010

Who is the classiest MFer in the world?

The one and only Blago, of course, is the classiest MFing douchebag in the F'ing world. From Esqueer, via the Daily Caller.
It’s such a cynical business, and most of the people in the business are full of shit and phonies, but I was real, man — and am real. This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we hope the guy is. What the fuck? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter. I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.

I'm blacker than Barack Obama too, and I'm a F'ing hobbit!

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23 December 2009

In other news, my left nut could make better foreign policy than my President

According to Nile Gardiner of the Telegraph, Big Brother Barack Obama's Top Ten Foreign Policy failures are:
  1. Surrendering to Russia over Missile Defense
  2. Appeasing the Mullahs of Iran
    Because they have never negotiated in bad faith or broken the Laws of Nations before... Oh, wait.
  3. Ending the War on Terror
    And replacing it with "Overseas Contingency Operations Against Man-Caused Disasters."
  4. Announcing a Surge while Declaring an Exit
    "All right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to send in extra troops for a year and a half. Then we will pull them out. So if you Al Qaeda headchoppers want to lay low in Somalia or Pakistan for the duration, go ahead. When we pull out then you can come back to Afghanistan and resume the slaughter of girls for learning to read."
  5. Apologising to France for America’s “Arrogance”
    Sacre Fricking Bleu!
  6. Giving DVDs to the British Prime Minister
    And what about that ipod with Obama's greatest speeches for the Queen and the plastic gewgaws from the White House gift shop for the British PM's children?
  7. Siding with Marxists in Honduras
  8. Bowing to Emperors and Kings
  9. Embracing Genocidal Killers in Sudan
  10. Throwing Churchill out of The White House

I'm good with these though I do think both the World Apology Tours were huge errors.

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29 September 2009

Thou Shalt Have no God before the Holy Godking Obama



Much like the Emperors Caligula and Nero before him, and the Amon-Ra-begot Pharoahs before them, Emperor Obama has ascended to the rank of the deified Godkings.





Buy the Little Blue Book of the sayings of Comrade Barack Obama. Read it. Learn it. Love it.




Watch the Prayer to the Godking



Participate in the Prayer to the Godking

Learn the call and response to participate as fluently as these practiced worshippers from SEIU and ACORN.

Priestess: We are here for the healing of the nation

People: Yes

To the prophet Jeremiah we cry out
Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician here?
Why has not the health of my poor people been restored?

Hear our cry Obama

With the prophet MLK we cry out of all the barbs and inequalities
Injustice in healthcare is the most inhumane

Hear our cry Obama

From healthcare systems and industries that place profits over people

Deliver us Obama

From lobbying efforts that block access to quality healthcare for all

Deliver us Obama

From greed and fear that replace the reality of God's abundance and the power of community with the myths of scarcity and isolation

Deliver us Obama

From scapegoatism of immigrants, from blaming the poor, from all the evil attitudes which deem healthcare as a right of the privileged rather than a basic human right

Deliver us Obama

Protect all those who face illness without good healthcare insurance.

What a special feeling you must have after that amazing prayer. I know I have.

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26 September 2009

If teaching fisting in schools is wrong, I don't want to know what's right: Kevin Jennings is appointed Safe and Drug-Free Schools Czar by Obama

Does anybody remember when Bill Clinton's Education Secretary Joycelyn Elders got fired for telling schoolkids to bop their bolognas and tickle their tacos? Ah, those were the good old days, the innocent days, prehistoric days before school teachers taught school kids as young as 12 to stick their fists into their gay lovers' bungholes.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Wmy5J0qXsvQ/SY4Nc_wyzyI/AAAAAAAAAZo/XqTGDrKkzEA/s320/doctor-glove.jpgSome things are just so right freaking wrong the mind boggles. How can President Obama appoint some douchebag as director of the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools (Drug-Free and Safe Schools Czar/Czarina) who is one of the founders of GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network)? At one of the group's conferences in Massachussetts, the group offered a seminar for students at which it taught kids about fisting.

A state official who spoke to teens at the conference said:

"Fisting (forcing one's entire hand into another person's rectum or vagina) often gets a bad rap....[It's] an experience of letting somebody into your body that you want to be that close and intimate with...[and] to put you into an exploratory mode."
Who really thinks there is nothing wrong with it?
  • "Fisting gets a bad rap"?
  • "Exploratory mode"?
WTF?!?! It's not like sticking your fist into someone's rectum can perforate their fucking intestine or something! Oh wait... It can. One of the things I know is that fisting is a violent violation of someone else. It has nothing to do with love, only sado-masochism. Jennings' position on teaching teabagging and salad-tossing in schools has not been reported, though I suppose if you have a strong stomach you can read one of his books.

Kevin Jennings also is in favor of promoting homosexuality in schools.
Jennings said he hoped that promoting homosexuality in schools would be considered fine in the future.

"One of our board members" was called to testify before Congress when they had hearings on the promotion of homosexuality in schools," Jennings said. "And we were busy putting out press releases, and saying, "We're not promoting homosexuality, that's not what our program's about. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.... '

"Being finished might someday mean that most straight people, when they would hear that someone was promoting homosexuality, would say 'Yeah, who cares?' because they wouldn't necessarily equate homosexuality with something bad that you would not want to promote."
This isn't all. In his 2007 autobiography, Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son: A Memoir, (what is it with autobiographies in the Obama administration?) Jennings described without regret his high school memories of getting drunk and stoned (and boned, one presumes). Only a drunken, stoned, progressive douchebag could think that's a good thing for the frakking czar of Drug Free Schools!

This is nucking futz!

Worse yet, Jennings admitted in several speeches and writings that he knew one of his 15 year old students was sexually active with at least one adult man, told the boy to use condoms, and did not report it. Teachers know if they find out something like that they face felony charges for not reporting it. Yet Jennings did not report it.
A professor at Grove City College in Pennsylvania, Warren Throckmorton, has produced an audio recording of a speech Jennings gave in 2000 at a GLSEN rally in Iowa, in which Jennings made it clear that he believed the student was sexually active:

"I said, 'What were you doing in Boston on a school night, Brewster?' He got very quiet, and he finally looked at me and said, 'Well I met someone in the bus station bathroom and I went home with him.' High school sophomore, 15 years old' I looked at Brewster and said, 'You know, I hope you knew to use a condom.'" [Audio is available on the professor's Web site.]

The Washington Times reported in 2004 that "state authorities said Mr. Jennings filed no report in 1988." A spokeswoman for the Massachusetts Department for Children and Families, the department to which Jennings -- as a Massachusetts teacher -- would have been legally obliged to report the situation, did not return calls
NUCKING FUTZ!

Jennings' career prepared him for the position in one way, because of his public emphasis on preventing the bullying of homosexual students in schools. But his career has been focused on promoting homosexuality and punishing "homophobia" among students, not on preventing bullying in general. He uses "safe schools" as a cover for propagandizing in favor of homosexuality, cross-dressing and transgenderism to children as young as kindergarten. And he does not say anything about the only actual proven way of permanently preventing bullying: teaching bullied kids to fight back against their tormentors. Bullies enjoy bullying others, but it isn't fun when their targets fight back. All it takes is the will to bloody the bully's nose or knock him down and pummel him until he begs for mercy to free a kid from a bully's oppression. Yet educated idiot teachers like Jennings punish kids who fight back against bullies while enabling the fucking bullies by preventing schools from expelling them. Maybe it's because so many bullies turn out to be sado-masochistic fisters or something? I wouldn't know. But the biggest problem with bullying these days is that in so-called zero-tolerance schools, bullies are not punished and tormented kids who fight back get expelled and criminally charged.

https://www.kachi-do.com/images/Boxing-liner-glove.jpgYou want safe schools? There is something you can teach elementary school kids to do with their fists that will prevent bullying, guaranteed. Teach kids to box when they're young and can't really hurt each other yet so they can fight back against bullies. You want homosexual kids to be safe from bullies? Teach them to box. It's amazing how a bloody nose instantly demoralizes a bully and sends him or her running, crying to the teachers. You want kids to be bullied their entire lives? Teach them to go crying to the teacher whenever they get bullied.

Remember, Obama told us, "Judge me by the people who surround me."

If Jennings is one of the people surrounding Obama, the verdict on the Obama Regime is Nucking Futz!

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15 September 2009

Sometimes you feel like a nut; Sometimes you don't

Lord Baracorn Seiubama the Most Merciful wishes to reward the unions with better healthcare than you will ever have, unless you join a union or work for the government of course.

Sometimes you feel like a nut,
Sometimes you don't,
ACORN's gotta lotta nuts,
Watch em on Big Government.


Wanna watch the commercial?


Read more...

08 September 2009

Douchy Kostard calls Tea Partiers and Glenn Beck racists

The non-famous progressive douchebag and teabagging, salad-tossing retard Jed Lewison at DKOS repeats the Comintern party line and says that "socialist" and "communist" are code words for "black". I know that the teabagging retard is self-evidently retarded, and too distracted by all the teabagging and salad-tossing he engages in, obsessively, in what is clearly a pathological case of penis envy focused on Josef "the Georgian Knockwurst" Stalin. But it is pathetic, really, this sub-zero-IQ insistence that racists hide behind words like socialism. All the racists I've ever met, mostly from when I was a progressive douchebag like Lewison, have been blatant about it, tossing out the n-word and anti-white bullshit like "cracker" and "blue-eyed white devil" freely. But Jed lies like he has a Pinocchio nose and wants to have the longest, stinkiest brown-nose of all time planted deep up the tushy of the collective commie left.

See his incredibly weak photoshop illustration after the jump.

Nope, the fact is it's all about the communism, stupid! If Jed were not such a swollen, jit-licking douchebag commie himself, he would be able to admit it.

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04 September 2009

Farkster mob of progressive douchebags slanders family man

Beck Derangement Syndrome has arrived!

Following this discussion on the increasingly vile Fark, started by oldweevil, some teabagging salad-tosser, most likely oldweevil himself, created a slander website against Glenn Beck. This anonymous oldweevil character is either from Detroit, Michigan or Monticello, Arkansas, has a photobucket account, a talkative sports fan, and has multiple comments on the front page of the glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/ website (no I'm not linking to it). Best guess is that oldweevil is the author of this website, even though the chickenshit hid his registration, because he's such a fucking chickenshit teabagging anal wart.

M. Lee Brown is an idiot. He thinks this slander is social art. No, this is slander, straight up. Social art would be a meme that said "Michael Vick innocent! KKK Grand Wizard M. Lee Brown and psychotic cretin called "oldweevil" raped and murdered Michael Vick's dogs."

Sometimes stupid is the right word for dumshits like M. Lee. But oldweevil and whoever else put together the slander site are evil and need to be dropped over Pakistan with a cubscout backpack full of nuts from 20,000 feet.

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27 August 2009

I am the greatest blogger of all time in the Universe!

Progressive Douchebag Watch, which you are reading right now, is the most popular, intelligently written blog on the web, if you exclude all the other blogs that get more hits and are stupider because they are written by government and Soros stooges.

Just listen to super-duper-smartie-pooper Keith Olbermann explain it all below the fold, about a minute into the clip.


It's amazing how easy it is to the be the best in your field, even when all the evidence says exactly the opposite, every morning when the Nielsen overnights come in, when you are a self-important, delusional douchebag like Olbermann.

As Noel Sheppard writes:

For the record, on Monday, these were the top cable news programs:
The O'Reilly Factor - 3,440,000 viewers
Hannity - 2,937,000 viewers
Glenn Beck - 2,810,000 viewers
On The Record w/ Greta Van Susteren - 2,450,000 viewers
Special Report with Bret Baier - 2,066,000 viewers
Fox Report w/Shep Smith - 1,860,000 viewers
Countdown w/ K. Olbermann - 1,114,000 viewers
Larry King Live - 1,063,000 viewers


Read more...

25 August 2009

Progressive Republican Douchebag thinks Obama respects the Constitution


John McCain is a fool, and a shameless progressive Republican douchebag. He ought to retire, which I am sure he will do just about as quick as Teddy Kennedy will.

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18 August 2009

If I was a kook obsessive...

if I was a kook obsessive
I could be pretty progressive
with my towering stacks of papers
and my fridge all full of capers
and my papier mache head
of George Bushhitler, lip tuft-ed
in the Adolf Hitler fashion
more filling than a k-ration.
But a Hitler 'stache on Obama
isn't even allowed in drama.
And I never take a shower
but I shall speak truth to power!

Obama-Shave

Read more...





Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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