27 September 2010

Democrat Logo: Fixed It For You

Progressive Douchebag Watch is a little late to the party but it finally struck us this week exactly what the new look Democrat logo really needs. First, here is the new look Democrat logo. Pretty (D)umb, right?

Let's examine it. The dim D, apparently standing for dim Democrat, is surrounded by the much bolder O, apparently standing for Obama. This illustrates the subservient nature of the Democratic Party to the personality cult of Obama. That is very important to the new fascist future of the USA under Maximum Leader Obama. There are three fonts in this logo, to demonstrate the incoherent policies and behavior of Democrats. And there is the same vacuous Change in the slogan, promising who knows what and delivering (D)isappointment and (D)espair to everyone. Good choices, Democrats. You have made a good start at describing Democrats' (D)umb party.

But you aren't there yet. Our crack staff thought that the circled D looked like a letter grade. Since the Democrats have manifestly failed in all they tried to do, it can't be the right grade. So let's fix that grade and make the slogan match it.

However, there is another possibility. D- might have been Obama's letter grade from Harvard.

That answer makes sense all right. But why would the Democrats want to advertise Obama's grades now, when they could have proved he actually passed Harvard without cheating by releasing these before the 2008 elections. Of course, Obama did give himself a grade of B-. Perhaps if the Democrats want to really become the Barack-ocrat Party they should just go all in now. Here is a logo that emphasizes the Barackyness of the Democratic Party and also reminds the voters of one of their proudest allies in the teachers' unions that have such a terrific job with the nation's failing schools.

After Velma Hart made her famous comment about Hot Dogs and Beans, the staff thought perhaps that the new reality Democrats had brought to Americans should be part of their logo. So they simplified back down to the original logo and changed the slogan to match.

But, you know the fact is that D just doesn't cut it. D is too high a grade for the Democrats. Unlike in school, effort doesn't count in real life. What counts is results. The real grade must be a low F. To really run on their undefeated record of failure after failure, going back 80 years to when Franklin Delano Roosevelt stretched out a one year recession into a 16 year Great Depression, every single economic and other decision made by the socialist/fascist FDR type of Democrats has proved that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and stupid Democrat policies.

We think that this final logo for the Democrats, I mean Failocrats, sums up the history of their party in the 20th and 21st century quite well. It's time to consign the socialist/fascist Democrats to the ash-heap of history along with all their logos.


Young Love in Trouble

This skinny legged mack daddy seduced a lot of college kids in 2008, and now they are getting the morning after willing to chew their own arm off to get out from under his skanky ass blues. In other words, "Obama, it's not me. It's you!"

Who would have ever expected the halo to get rusty so soon?


25 September 2010

What is funny about Boobs on TV?

My brain doesn't work when I see Carrie Keagen. Somebody please explain to me what is funny about this in the comments. I don't see funny. I see awesome! of the level of awesomeness! reserved to the fricking awesome! US Constitution!


I keep on playing it again and again and again and besides getting chapped palms am not making any headway.


24 September 2010

Borat Sponsors, Passes Bill in US Congress to make peeing illegal

Everyone noticed that Stephen Colbert testified about cornholing and corn-packing Iowans and all sorts of other corny jokes today, but nobody seems to get why. And no I don't mean because of Coate's testimony on the Vote Cheating Section of the Department of the Perversion of Justice. No, we all knew that was going to be ignored by the communist media vanguard and their communist lapdogs in the Democratic Party. I mean that today's stunt was an unsuccessful attempt by Colbert to one-up Al Franken's hilarious stunt of getting elected as the Junior Senator from Minnesota. The Franken comedy act is so subtle and yet so over the top, simultaneously, that people don't get it. Maybe if someone at NBC, where Zucker got zuckered out the door today, well, if NBC had a weekly show featuring the Junior Senator from Minnesota, say, on Saturday nights at 1130 eastern time, then people would get it. By it, I mean syphillis. Or trich.

But what has been so far un-noticed in the Stephen Colbert antics continuously broadcast by the hydrocephalic media is that Borat went into the House of Representatives today, flirted like a madman with Madam Speaker, and convinced her to pass a bill that made peeing illegal in the US. Then he took the bill over to Harry Reid, flirted with him like a madman, and got Harry "the needy reed gone to seed" Reid to pass the bill. Then he took the bill to the White House, and after some mad flirting with Michelle Obama, who hasn't been getting much attention from whats-his-name lately, got her to sign Barry's John Hancock onto the bill. That's how to get things done!

Now we will all have to hold it. Forever. I believe that Al Franken's massive practical joke on the American people has been beaten.

And remember, when you piss your pants, thank a progressive!


Will Gary McDowell let Grandpa die?

Sources say; yes.

Is McDowell a good candidate for Michigan? Same sources; No.

In fact, Michigan may be thinking that Dan Benishek is the better choice soon.

Check out Benishek here, he's not a douchebag like McDowell.


23 September 2010

Frankenfish Feast for the Fraidy-Cats

Genetic scientists have engineered a breed of salmon that grows twice as fast and can be twice as large as salmon in the wild. It has been dubbed by the media as a "Frankenfish", a play on the organic foods community purjorative "Frankenfood".

An article by Marion Nestle in the Atlantic sums up the generic opposition to Genetically Modified foods:

Of course the public does not trust genetically modified foods. The foods are not labeled. If the biotech industry and the FDA want the public to trust them, they need to label the GM salmon and all the other GM foods in the marketplace.

The public wants the right to choose. The public should have the right to choose. The issue of GM foods cannot just be about safety. My mantra on this one: Even if genetically modified foods are safe, they are not necessarily acceptable.

Before I get to the issue of people's aversion to GM foods, I just want to say that when I find the individual who coined the term "Frankenfood" as a purjorative for these foods, I'm going to beat him with a sack of doorknobs and then force him to watch every episode of "Greg the Bunny" until he scoops out his eyes with a celophane tape dispenser. Frankenstein reanimated dead tissue. If a scientist developed a method of bringing dead grain and other food plants back to life after they had died, a person would have to be completely out of their gourd to oppose it. Said person should be sterilized immediately. Preferably with a rusty fork.

Doctor Moreau was the geneticist (at least, as close as H.G. Wells could conceive of it). But since Boris Karloff never played the Hyena-Swine creature on film and no one went to see the adaptation with Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer, people use the "Franken" term. It speaks to the ignorance of the individuals who both generated and continue to use the term.

Actually, considering the Freshman Senator from Minnesota, the "Franken" term may be apt. I mean, the guy just has to be an escaped genetic experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. There's simply no other explanation for it.The psychotic aversion to genetically modified foods by some has festered into a hatred far out-distancing any held by a Klansman, Third Reich operative or Democrat Party strategist (but I repeat myself). Rather than being content in themselves to simply eat foods certified as not being genetically modified, these circus side-show rejects insist that nobody should ever risk being exposed to possible contamination from italicized words or genetically modified foods. It's as if these people think that Resident Evil was a real event and actually filmed in a greenhouse.

No scientific study outside the organichippie foods industry has ever shown genetically modified foods to be harmful. There's more danger from eating tofu seventeen meals per week, taking the massive injection of estrogen into your system; the lack of animal protein starving your brain of desperately-needed nutrients that our genetic makeup requires for proper neurological development.

Speaking of hippie foods, why do these organic food eating vegan hippie retard pull-out-method-failure protazoa-dicks care about genetically modified salmon? Perhaps, in their diminished capacity resulting from not having the genetically required animal protein for advanced brain development, their thinking process seems somehow logical to them. "I'd never eat an animal and don't think anyone ever should, but only non-genetically modified salmon should be on anyone's dinner table!"

Stop trying to think, mouth breather. You might hurt yourself.

Of course, that's the extreme case. There are people who aren't vegan who oppose genetically modified food. These people need to be given a free one-way ticket to Mogadishu so they can experience a world without genetically modified foods. Not because Somalis turn down GM foods, of course. "No, I'm sorry, Mr. Peacekeeper Man, but you must take this rice away. It does not have a 'No GM seed' stamp on it. My family and I choose to starve rather than accept the product of a successful genetic experiment."

Um... Yeah, that seems likely.

Reality check: Almost all foods we have today were genetically modified through selective breeding. There is no place on Earth without genetically modified foods. The only way to go without genetically modified foods is to not eat. Or, y'know, eat pond scum.

In just 500 years, corn (or maize to you liberal veggie-loving brain dysfunctional types) has more than doubled the size of the cobb and tripled the mass of the individual grain. Tomatoes are larger, juicier and more resistant to disease than when they were first cultivated. Cucumbers are larger (and are increasingly enjoyed by lesbians, fat chicks and Barney Frank). Cows have grown in size and calmed in demeanor since being domesticated, while sheep are increasingly more attracitve and compliant in sub-dom relationships. Banana trees grow bigger fruit clusters and produce larger fruit (intimidating even the most virile vegan men). All by genetic manipulation. Much of it done for thousands of years by simple farmers who wouldn't have known a DNA strand from my Uncle Herb's ass hair.

Somehow, this type of genetic modification is okay to the religious leaders of the Church of Organic Foods. As long as it takes place slowly and over many generations, it's invisible to them. Maybe since they can't see it or feel it, it's like it's not there. Maybe Medicaid should take the same viewpoint when these tofu-swilling morons end up with prostate cancer.


12 September 2010

Resident Obama: Situation Room


Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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