FIFY Contest: The Tiger and the Palamino

What in hell is FIFY?

FIFY=FIXED IT FOR YOU

When a picture just needs an extra touch of magic to be perfect, and you are the right person to put that extra touch of magic on it, that's when you say FIFY, "fixed it for you." The only rule for a FIFY is that you should make whatever changes you make and end up with an image file that can be uploaded to twitpic and viewed on this and other blogs.

I love that word: Palamino.

When you finish the FIFY, post it in a comment on this post. Anonymous comments are allowed and flames encouraged. I'm getting tired of shadowy strangers dropping off their FIFY drawings at my hobbit hole in the middle of the night; and no I don't mean it like that... I'm not the queerbait from Shytown after all. I shouldn't have to pick up after you. Geez! Can't a hobbit and accused felon catch a break? You do know how to post your FIFY in a comment!

Right?

If you don't... First, you login to your gmail account. Then you look up at the top of the home page for gmail and click on More, Photos. Now you're in Picasa. Create a photo album and upload your picture. Then put a link to the picture in a comment. Done. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I mean, geez! And is Aunt Flo ever OFF the rag?

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Joke: Pelosi and the Old Cow

Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy.

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of scotch whisky, the wife cooked me a great meal and the daughter made love to me.'

'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy.

'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.'

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Princess Nancy's Moment of Douchebaggery

Just days after giving Charlie Rangel more credit than a Bill Gates charge card, Princess Nancy is being lauded by the San Francisco Chronicle for attempting to push the most ambitious Douchebag agenda since the 1960s.

"I said to the members [of the Douchebag party] the other day, 'You were born for this moment. You are here for a reason,' " Pelosi, 69, said in an interview in her office, with its bank of televisions and stunning view of the Capitol Mall. "This is the path we have all been on ... and so we're here now. We have these decisions to make."

Much of what President Obama does or doesn't do - from health care to Afghanistan - will hinge on her calculation of what is achievable. She is the last bulwark defending the "public option" of a government-run health insurance plan and if Obama decides to jettison it, she will have to hold her party's left wing.

If this frail, escaped mental patient is the "last bulwark" of socialism, then Praise the Lord!

And I don't mean Obama.

How this woman has managed to maintain her seat is beyond understanding. She is incoherent, illogical and lacks anything resembling charisma. Yet she is considered to be the most powerful Douchebag Speaker of the House in History (sorry, Herstory).

Okay, sure, she keeps the weak-kneed myrmidons with a "(D)" after their name in line. I'm guessing because they don't want to see her cry when she doesn't get her way. She is, after all, a rather pathetic figure, pushed up to such an important position despite her inability to articulate even the simplest of thoughts in a coherent manner. Add to this her complete disregard of even basic economics and Constitutional scholarship, and she is the perfect painting of a Leftist douche.

Maybe that's why she and President Panderer get along so well: They are so similar in their situation that they band together like sheep.

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Wear that Badge of Honor with Pride, Joe!

Joe Wilson was the first Congressman in history to ever be formally rebuked for calling a lie a lie by the House of Representatives. Under the leadership of Nancy Pelosi (Douchebag, Uranus) the Democrats all voted on a party line that Wilson was a douchenozzle for calling a lie, a lie.

These are the Douchebags who found what Wilson did so fricking deplorable.

Yeah, classy as we expect from the House of Reprehensibles, the universe's most feebleminded, morally retarded herd of intellectually dishonest liars, perverts, hypocrites, and treasonous cowards, who give aid and comfort to the enemy. I notice they didn't ban "douchebag" in their hypocritical, intellectually dishonest resolution. That's because the truth is an absolute defense.

Congressman Joe Wilson, your rebuke, from Nancy Pelosi and the most unpopular Congressional gang of cut-throats, brigands, and highwaymen since Congressional popularity began to be measured, is a badge of honor. With it, you will defeat all Democrats who challenge you. Because of it, your name shall eclipse the name of the douchebag who traveled to Sudan and lied about what he learned there in order to falsely smear a President and treasonously lend aid and comfort to an enemy during wartime. Because of it, you have become a standard-bearer not only in the House of Reprehensibles, not only in the battle against the healthcare highjack, but also in the war against Orwellian, politically correct bullshit.

Call em like you see em, Joe. And may you and your fellow truth-tellers in the House continue to amass badges of fricking honor from the battle to be able to call a lie, a lie.

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