14 September 2009

Request for King of Pop title...denied

Above, Kanye West pats himself on the back and plays pocket pool while sporting the latest in car upholstery fashion.

Time magazine once called Kanye West the 'smartest man in pop music.' Well, he's definitely not the smartest, but he surely is the biggest progressive douchebag in pop music. He also happens to be a racist tinfoil-hat conspiracist who raps about how the government invented the AIDS virus. He's an ill-humored and ungracious sore loser. After sex, Kanye likes to cuddle, with himself.

And he thinks Republicans hate black people, but what's new?

No one has committed more heinous acts of douche-baggery. No one ever in the history of pimpery, has acted like such a retarded fool as Kanye.

He is a rare mutation of inbred smegmas that live primarily in used condoms, gutters and dirty soccer socks.

He is the original gayfish and he is so lame, if he wasn't surrounded by such talented people, his only form of employment would be cleaning the frontcracks and nutsacks of transgender freaks. He is one fucked up little douche-monkey.

His demeanor is sadistic, mordant and peevish. He is mean and tyrannical, belligerent and assholic, like a Nazi.

And I'm not the only one who thinks Kanye West is gigantic narcissistic turd.

Pink, the infinitely more talented singer, was stuck next to Kanye during Stella McCartney’s fashion show a few years back. The fashion show was sponsored by PETA. Paul and the VP of PETA were in attendance. She probably regrets having the ability to hear after she was treated to the Douche of Hazard whining during the entire show that he thought more fur should be included.

"Kanye West is the person pissing me off right now. I was at Stella McCartney's Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Paul McCartney and Kanye West. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show'. He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur."

The thought of Kanye shaving his fur to be woven into sweaters and jackets by enslaved children in China is a terrifying idea.

You can be sure that whenever Kanye opens his mouth in public, verbal diarrhea will soon follow. In fact, he's the head spokesperson for the Smug and Dickless Shithead Douche Nozzlers Union.

He's been marinating in his massingill of hate and racism for so long, he has turned into a douche-pickle.

What kind of female congregates with such a shallow, soul-less loser?

Let me guess...likes to chew gum, smoke cigs and wears giant loopy earrings. Lots of perfume and makeup with fuck me pumps and a mini. She sleeps with his friends behind his back. She does too much coke and if you buy her 3 drinks, you're guaranteed a back ally blowjob.

But let's not digress, let's talk about what a racist prick Kanye is. As evidenced by his 2007 interview in Spin Magazine.

KANYE: There's certain things that black people are the best at and certain things that white people are the best at. Whatever we as black people are the best at, I'ma go get that. Like, on Christmas I don't want any food that tastes white. And when I go to purchase a house, I don't want my credit to look black. [Laughs]

SPIN: And what foods would fall into that category?

KANYE: White-people food? You know what it is. You never ate fried chicken and said, "This tastes white." It's America. People know the stereotypes. I play to the stereotypes. I believe in the stereotypes. And I submit to them. [Affects a black, Southern accent] "Man, black people sure can cook some chicken! And I'ma get some black chicken."

He is a douche-pot-pie. He is the turd that won’t flush.

The racism spewing out of his mis-shapen, cross-eyed face is more vile than the gelatinous ooze collecting on his box of pictures of himself.

Did you know there is 10 'Kanye West is a Douche' groups on Facebook?

Feel free to add a couple.

You wouldn't think it was possible to embarrass ones self further, but it's easy when you have a superiority complex and self-indulgent wiener envy.

And you thought no one could ever attain a third degree black belt in douche-jit-su?...you were wrong, West has managed to do it.

Taylor Swift, who is just 19 years old, won the award for Best Female Video at the 2009 VMAs. The adorable Swift had just beat out Lady GaGa, Katy Perry, and Beyonce to name a few when Kanye rushed the stage, took the mic and took a big fat dump on her parade.

Cameras cut to Beyonce, who sat in the audience with jaw dropped in disbelief. In the meantime, Taylor was literally speechless as Kanye gave her the microphone back and marched off stage. The audience booed. Feeling the awkwardness of the lingering moment, MTV VMA producers cut to a taped video clip of "30 Rock" star Tracy Morgan and rapper Eminem while Taylor tried to continue her acceptance speech — but couldn't be heard. Her mike was cut off. Giving up, she strolled off stage.

Let's hear Pink's take on twitter...

Pink(@Pink): "Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me."

Pink(@Pink): "My heart goes out to taylor swift. She is a sweet and talented girl and deserved her moment. She should know we all love her."

Pink(@Pink): "Beyonce is a classy lady. I feel for her, too. Its not her fault at all, and her and taylor did their thing. And douchebag got kicked out. HA."

Katy Perry(@katyperry): "FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN."

Go Girl!

And as for the videos in question, I'll let you be the judge...I think it's nice to see videos that depart from the sleaze...

Or we could watch Beyonce's video, which is nothing but a bunch of oiled-up vajayjay's in American Apparel discount body suits. Embedding not allowed.

And furthermore, Kanye needs to take a break from typing entirely in caps and tell us what was going on inside that feeble little mind when he created those fugly ass shoes he's got for sale.

What....you took some Air Jordan gym shoes, dipped them in red paint and slapped the Louis Vuitton label on them?

Talentless Maximus.

Hey look...one and a half dead guys are eating your lunch, you fucking pussy.

And what about your song 'Heartless'...it was Pwnd by a white guy named Kris Allen on American Idol.

Hey Kanye, you better go get your song back!

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Aunt Flo September 14, 2009 at 1:21:00 PM EDT  

Tu Pac would kick Kanye's ass, and Snoop would keep the beat.

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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