07 August 2009

Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World, Inaugural Edition

Shorter Jason Linkins.

How does Keith Olbermann [still] have a job?
And for your years of striving, Keith Olbermann, he of the chin that fits so naturally between his thumb and forefinger, of the glasses to signify his intelligence, of the ponderous syntax, stentorian voice, and the adolescent man-crushes on Murrow, Cronkite and Obama. Yes, that Olbermann. The male Ann Coulter, only with half the balls. That Olbermann. Keith, we are pleased to be able to present you with the inaugural copy of the award you inspired.

With no further ado, ladies and gentlemen, give Keith a hand for deservedly winning the Worst Progressive Douchebag in the World Award!

Mr. Olbermann, it couldn't have happened to a bigger douchebag. I believe that all the way down to the very bottom of my heart.

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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