28 August 2009

The seven politicians you should never see on TV, Scene 1

This is the first installment of this series. And if you don't know about George Carlin's most famous routine, you better axe somebody...

"These are the heavy seven. These are the ones that'll infect your soul,
curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war." George Carlin

First up, 'Shit'...Rahm Emanuel. Ol'dead fish. The White House chief of feculence, brilliant inventor and entrepenur. If you haven't seen much of Rahm, it's because he's been working on his new prosthesis.

We all know he's number 2 in charge, right? We know he's one mean douchebag, if not the nastiest douchenista this side of Axelrod's badlands, right?

But the appointment of a prosecutor to investigate detainee abuses will soon irritate the long-simmering conflicts deep in the bowels of the CIA and the Justice Department. And Rahm seems like he would rather bake some brownies then do anything about it.

So why all of a sudden would he set this legless dog out to sea? Why would he drop this particular kid off at the pool?

This could create some rough going between two critical members of Resident Obama's national security team. The friction between the two agencies complicates how the administration handles national security issues, resulting in a painful rash of problems.

It distracts Obama, who is trying to have a movement that goes beyond the Bush years. He's trying to wipe the slate clean, so he can focus on an ambitious and chockablock domestic agenda.

In July, CIA Director Leon Panetta buckled down and tried to hold off the investigation. He sent the CIA's top lawyer, Stephen Preston, to persuade aides to Holder to take the mains offline. But officials said the Justice Department dumped a dead grandma on that idea.

Panetta phoned Holder, the CIA chief told the attorney general to back his big brown caddy out of his business. He expressed his discomfort and swore mildly at the cagando on the other end. I'm sure he just wanted to clear the air.

Rahm said that 'reports of a conflict were overblown and that the gentlemen were simply advocating for their agency's viewpoints in robust discussions.'

I want you to listen to me, I did not have sex with that woma......err....my sources at 'I know what the fuck I'm talking about bitch.com' tell me that's a huge load of meadow muffins.

Despite the mounting pressure to stop the inquiry, Holder is going to drop a chalupa on the investigation that will determine whether CIA agents were breaking the law when they simulated drowning with waterboarding, or if they were just drowning mud bunnies.

This whole thing stinks to high heaven, not to mention Holder just dropping a big jobby on the folks that will prevent another attack on America....grunt.

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Douche Baggins McGee August 28, 2009 at 11:52:00 AM EDT  

Wow, that was hilarious. Well done Aunt Flo.

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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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