17 August 2009

Dear Ashley, pay your own rent, you leech

This letter from a grand-dad to his grand-daughter is so effing smug and funny I leaned back in my chair, lost my balance, and cracked the back of my head open on the counter. Now I'm bleeding all over my mop of hair and I still can't stop chuckling, even while scrubbing blood off the nkdfapafgm.v keyboard. And the collar of my shirt too.

Sweetheart,

I received your request for assistance.

Ashley, you know I love you dearly and I’m sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own…"The Ashley Economic Empowerment Plan."

It gets way better. I always like to see another progressive douchebag face the reality behind the veneer of fauxery in their progressive Matrix fantasy world. The only thing better would be to see young Ashley suddenly realize what a cad her Adolescent Crush President was. I know he isn't going to pay her rent, her car payment, or her gas money, no matter what the idiots believed before the election.


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Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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