30 August 2009

Obama extendz his vacation, Solo trip to Costco creates controversy

During his extended stay at Martha's Vineyard, President Barack Obama and his Secret Service spent more than two hours in a Costco and a neighboring restaurant Wednesday. And I went along for the ride.

Obama visited the Costco after making a brief stop at 'Adul bookshop' The sign was broken but it was a nice store, but very dark. I found Adul inside and told him that his sign was busted...I don't know why, but he ran out the back!

Barry got some magazines and left the money on the counter. One of them was titled, "Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion"...I think that's what it said, I couldn't see it very well through the brown paper bag.

After our little shopping trip we grabbed some beef-stroganoff for lunch. I overheard a few guys say the president would have liked to make instant pudding, but we all agreed that would be a security risk and it would be way too messy.

Before he pulled his throng out of the eatery, Obama posed for pictures with two of the restaurant's servers Handrea and Palmela, he even let them sit on his lap. He spent the next 5 minutes in the restroom. At long last, he emerged and his motorcade drove around the back of Costco so Barry could grab his package.

They took the food to the nearby home of White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett, who also lives on Martha's Vineyard. And it turns out that Barry can handle himself in the kitchen. They were short on the gravy needed to make the stroganoff, so Barack offered to whip up a batch by hand. The women were also flabbergasted when Barry took matters into his own hands and expertly started to ball some melons, never stopping until he was finished.

White House officials have stressed that the president is on a private vacation and very little is planned. If Obama wanted to, he could begin the day with a workout or tennis. He could play a little five-on-one or, as he's been known to do, he could go downtown and meet with Mrs. Thumb and her four daughters.

They also have a fun-zone. It's typical fair faire...he could ride the 'Great White Knuckler', one of the fastest coasters in the nation. They say it moves so fast, "it will make a bald man puke" Wow...I can't wait to ride that one!

They also have a "Freak Show" for the brave souls. Have you ever wanted to pet a one-eyed burping gecko? This show has it. And if you pass by their old candy shoppe, you can always find them pulling taffy.

Barry gives himself a briefing every morning, and the secluded 28-acre private estate has a secure line to 900 numbers and the Pentagon secretary pool, if an inserection happens to pop up.

Mid-level aides are on the island to assist the president if needed, but he prefers to do most things by himself. I'd like to remind you that the presidency does not allow for a lot of breaks, so finding 5 minutes here and there can be a welcome release.

But don't get me wrong, sometimes he does appreciate a helping hand with his fast paced job. He's obviously worked very hard this year with his staff.

Damn... I have thoroughly digressed from the Costco story. I won't hold the sausage hostage any longer.

Barack Obama made remarks about something called the 'Tenga Flip Hole' outside his rented compound on Martha's Vineyard. No clues yet on what that item actually is, although some folks say that Barry is not good with his hands and they guess that it might be a tool of some sort.

UPDATE: I have uncovered the beast under the blanket, so let's get this German soldier marching, shall we?

I have discovered a video but I can't hear the audio and the writing is in Asian, so I'll tell you what I think.....

The 'Tenga Flip Hole' is some kind of tool, so our first instincts were right. I can tell it's a tool that gets used often, because it needs Lots of lubrication.

Looks sort of like a pencil sharpener, but when that small-armed model holds it up, you can see it's much bigger than it looks. It looks like it's got great features...the Click Orb, Side Ribs with terraced engraved edges, Wing gates, Quatro Waves, the End Orb and is easily cleanable.

Maybe the Costco purchase had something to do with it's function. I decided to sneak into the black SUV and see what the secret package is.

Holy Shit! K-Y® Brand Jelly. Gallons and gallons of K-Y® Brand Jelly.

Obviously, Barry needs a water-based lube and he's buying it in quantity. Who said he isn't fistfully conservative? Please, If anyone is familiar with this tool, ask him why he's always sneaking around....oh...and we still need to find out what this is..

This is weird..why doesn't he do something productive while on vacation, like paint the ceiling?

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