01 November 2009

Dededefeated!

This was King Dedede's announcement that he was suspending his campaign for Congressman to the 23rd District of New York. (via memeorandum)

Dear Friends and Supporters:

Throughout the course of my campaign for Congress, I have made the people of the 23rd District and the issues that affect them the focal point of my campaign. As a life long resident of this District, I care deeply and passionately about its people and our way of life. Whether as a candidate for Congress, a State Assemblyman or the King of Dreamland, I have always sought to act with the best interest of our District and its residents in mind—and today I again seek to act for the good of our community and its delicious fruit.

The opportunity to run as the Republican and Royalist Party candidate to represent the 23rd District has been and remains one of the greatest honors of my life. As a member of the penguin minority of this district, I have always had my own challenges from anti-penguin bigots. Yet, during the past several months, as I’ve traveled the district, meeting and talking with voters about the issues that matter most to them, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of support I’ve received from open-minded constituents as I sought to serve as their voice in Washington. However, as Winston Churchill once said, Democracy can be a fickle employer, and the road to public office is not always a smooth one.

My road to Washington DC has been diverted by a pink puffball, Kirby, who was running as the Free Markets for Fruit Party candidate after failing to receive the Republican Party endorsement. Perhaps the most notorious of his actions followed after my ill-advised decision to hold a press conference in front of Kirby's campaign headquarters, at which I was outshouted by the pink puffball's mindless minions.

King Dedede's press conference in front of the Kirby campaign headquarters

Shortly after the above photo was taken Kirby clobbered me with a giant hammer and knocked me out of the picture at a velocity of roughly 11,000 mph and a 35 degree angle from the horizontal. My allies, including the Great Newt and Frank Rich of the New Penguin Times, have been very kind, but I am afraid that I cannot defeat Kirby at this time as he has transformed into Metallic Kirby and is now invulnerable. I can clobber him all I want but it doesn't do any good.

In recent days polls have indicated I don't have a chance in Dreamland to prevail in this battle with Kirby. So with a heavy heart and a broken hammer I suspend my campaign and release my supporters to support whoever they want, whether it be the pink puffball whats-his-name or Meta-Knight, the Democrat and Real Evil Party candidate.

I, myself, will be voting for Meta-Knight. Just a FYI.


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4 comments:

Anonymous,  November 1, 2009 at 2:33:00 PM EST  

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!

Anonymous,  November 1, 2009 at 10:36:00 PM EST  

What? You don't like penguins???

Anonymous,  November 1, 2009 at 11:03:00 PM EST  

Clearly PDB Watch is the home of anti-penguin bias and hate speech and the proprietor and associates should be sent to Antarctica for a 13-month reeducation experience. I hear December is nice in the Antarctic if you are a penguin.

Aunt Flo November 3, 2009 at 2:36:00 AM EST  

That pic is so funny...I just soiled my napkin..

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Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

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We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

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