Why Don't We Get Slobbering Love Letters Like This at PDBWatch?

Some douchebag named Klatu, apparently styling himself after that wonderful example of Beatles copycatting from the 70s, featuring rumors that they were secretly the reunited Beatles, that was going to be the next best thing since the Beatles, wrote a nastygram to some people I know. They don't particularly like me. I'm too retarded in my politeness for their tastes. But they did let me see this slobbering love letter from Klaatu.

He also calls himself happy boy. Pretty fricking droll, hunh?

From: Dan Klatu <vzok7@hotNOSPAMmail BOT com>
Date: Tue, Mar 30, 2010 at 6:07 PM
Subject: Thank You!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you from empowering the morons in this country. I enjoy how anger has become your currency. If toothless tea party members ran this country, it would be a faster road to not listening to the idiots who are your main voice. Don't you ever wonder why almost no one you know has a global view- of course you don't. Maybe they'll sneak off in the dead of night and get their teeth fixed under (oh no!!!) Obama care. Most people who have any balanced view just pity you. You are the pawns (look it up) of the rich and powerful. They rely on your ineptness to help fuel the rage which keeps them semi-powerful. You have the same idiot's mentality that al qaeda has. You can't see anything but what you've been fed. Wake up and travel. I'm willing to bet most of your sheep have never been out of their state let alone out of the country. We've got you figured out and you'll never go anywhere. What morons you all are.

Happy Boy

Here is my loving, considered response:

Dear Danny "Mister Happy Boy" Klaatu,

Sometimes I call a certain something "happy boy," but not in public, douchebag. Maybe your problem is that you aspired to be one of the morons in this country. It would be a huuuuuuge fricking step up from where you are now, butt nugget. Why don't you go ask George Soros, multi-billionaire hedge fund pirate and funder of all sorts of left-wing socialist-fascist-communist mouthpiece front-organizations like Schmedia Schmatters and Schmoooove-On (Yeah Right) Dot fricking Schmorg, how your lovely progressive buddies like Barry and Barney have helped him steal billions of dollars out of the wallets of Americans for the past four years, since the Democriminals took control in 2007? Yeah, your side's benefactor is picking everybody's pocket. He even robbed your wallet, you fooled and sheared Democrat sheep, and all your fellow Democrat riders on the short bus. Turns out there is a lot of money in doing that. Some friend of the American worker you are, drinking the chief money vampire's hateraid and chomping his chocohate chip cookies and acting like the Tea Party gang are the haters, while he robs you blind.

And that is what I think about you, Mister Happy Boy, or should I really be calling you Mister Softee?

Your mortal enemypal,
Bloggo Baggins

p.s. You are a serious douchebag. Get some professional help.

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The French to the rescue?

President Obama wants France to help him turn the tide in Afghanistan.

No, don't look back. You read it right the first time. The ObaMessiah wants the help of the people who got whooped by the Germans at least three times in 70 years, then proceded to get their asses handed to them by the Vietnamese only to come running to us for help. These are the people responsible for half of the problems in the Middle East in the first place, and Teh Won wants their help?

Obama is likely to ask Sarkozy to add to France's current total of 3,750 troops, mostly trainers for the Afghan military. Of course, Bambi dithered for four months trying to figure out the politically acceptable number of troops to send to Afghanistan. Had he supplied General McCrystal with the full complement troops asked for in the first place, he might not need France's help now. Sending more American troops, after all, would be tantamount to admitting that he made a mistake not sending more back then.

And of course, the ObaMessiah is never wrong...

Bambi can't risk fracturing the already strained liberal coalition. Each constituency has their "cause du-jour". One faction wants the U.S. out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Another wants us out of Iraq but fighting the Taliban. Another couldn't care less about the war as long as Obamacare is enacted. Still more are desperate Crap & Tax, Gun Control™, punitive taxes on the rich and/or environmental regulations that send us back to the Bronze Age.

But this coalition is strained. Now they've got "their guy". He promised them he could deliver everything they wanted and pay for it with fairy farts and leprechaun snot. So they want him to make it happen, and each one wants him to make their issue his top priority. The longer he waits on their particular favorite issue, the angrier they are getting.

So he got Obamacare. Now he needs this darn pesky war to go away so he can focus on his other constituencies. So he goes to the nation that is easily his closest ideological ally: France. Y'know, the country that has been trying to enact socialism since before Marx wrote his manifesto. The country that forces people to work fewer hours to ensure artificially lower unemployment rates. The country that has riots every time a Minister of Parliament sneezes. The country that actually licenses line dance callers for "safety purposes". Yeah. France.

Now, I'm not about to say to the French, "No, you can't send your troops to Afghanistan." The more help we have killing Taliban jihadists, the better; and frankly the Foreign Legion is one good thing the French military has going for it. That said, for Teh Won to come groveling to Sarkozy for help is utterly ridiculous. The French public hate that French troops are in Afghanistan in the first place. They don't want us to succeed, or at least, not with their help.

Bambi can't swallow his pride and admit to America he was wrong. His whole political existence is built upon being right, dammit! Bambi is never wrong! Don't you know that?!?! He's never wrong! He's NEVER WRONG!!!1!11!!1!

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Separated at Birth

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Joke: The Priest's last wish

In Washington DC an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.

He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The House and Senate waited for a response. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Pelosi, “This certainly will help our images and might even get me re-elected.”

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Reid’s hand in his right hand and Pelosi’s hand in his left.

Nancy Pelosi asked: “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And so since Jesus died between two lying thieving bastards, I would like to do the same!”

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The True Voice of Obama Revealed at Last

From all signs, Resident Obama's real voice is not the mellifluous baritone with which we are so familiar from his 450 or so public speeches in 2009. In reality, it's more of a nasal, high-pitched north-side Chicago accent.

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech


Check it out, check-it-outers (props to RedEye)

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Barack Obama will be admitted to Celebrity Rehab

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