The Price Is Wrong, Bob

Whether you bought one or not, you're $4.59 poorer after Cash for Clunkers.

No, seriously. That's your share as a citizen of the net economic loss from the program. Heck if you do it just by taxpayers, it's about double that.

The program only cost $3 billion (only!) and yet economists have determined it actually resulted in a loss of wealth of $1.4 billion.

Way to go, Congressional Douchebags! Great job, President Panderer!



Now, consider "Health Care Reform:"

The "Smartest President in History" is trying to sell the Democrap's "reform" plan as a way to boost our economy. Based on the trial-run with Clunkers, let's just say I'm less than optimistic.

What if the Beltway Bandits' plan ends up looking like Cash for Clunkers. Projected to cost $1 trillion over the next ten years, at the same rate of loss, creeping socialism will cost us all almost $500 billion.

I know I've got that much stuff in my sock drawer. It's right next to my collection of decade-old Playboy and last year's Hustler, how 'bout you?

Let's be nice to the brain-dead in Washington. Say it's only a loss of $300 billion. At that rate, every American is slated to lose $1,000. Again, make it just taxpayers, and it's much closer to $2,000 per person lost over the next ten years.

Let's see... I have health insurance. I pay my taxes and my bills, and at the end of the day I have enough money to buy gas to get to and from work and eat the Bachelor Chow from the frozen foods section of the discount grocery store. Over the next ten years, the President wants me to essentially go hungry for one month each year so I can pay into his welfare socialism scheme.

Yeah, I'll give a big "fuck-off" to that.

Read more...

not Afrobama: George Bush is to Blame

George Bush is to Blame
By: not Afrobama*

I was gonna pitch like Cy Young, but Bush is to blame
I was gonna have smoke free lungs, but Bush is to blame
My lungs are nicotine stained, I'm so ashamed (oh man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I gonna give kids jobs and hope, but Bush is to blame
I was gonna get them off dope, but Bush is to blame
Prosperity's around the corner, so I proclaim (woah man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I was gonna cross the aisle, but Bush is to blame
Bipartisanship's just not my style, but Bush is to blame
Republicans are terrorist racists, cuz they so lame (say it ain't so) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I was gonna shut down Gitmo, but Bush is to blame
I was gonna let al Qaeda go, but Bush is to blame (No he ain't)
It's harder than a Smash Brothers Brawl video game (say what?) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I apologized to the UN, 'cuz Bush is to blame (I'm serious man)
Blamed George Bush again and again, 'cuz Bush is to blame
Now I'm a laughingstock, it's really a shame (why man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I's gonna save or create jobs, Bush is to blame
Keep getting beat up by Lou Dobbs, but Bush is to blame
Now the economy sucks, my legacy's maimed (ow! man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

The stimulus didn't stimulate, but Bush is to blame (I'm serious)
Health Care isn't going too great, but Bush is to blame
Now I'm playing a basketball half-court game, (turn this shit off) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

Chicago's my favorite town, but Bush is to blame
My IOC pitch got shot down, but Bush is to blame
Now the teabaggers are laughing, it's so insane, (why man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

I'm gonna stop singing this song, but Bush is to blame
I'm singing this whole thing wrong, but Bush is to blame
If I don't get on Mount Rushmore, I miss my aim (oh man) but Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame
George Bush is to blame

* to the tune of this song.

afroman - because I got high
Uploaded by aquarius3. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Inspired by Dr. Sanity's version of Because I got High.

Read more...

Capitalism has no love for Michael Moore, Either

The Hippopotanical Land Mass (aka Michael Moore) is feeling no love from our capitalist society: Even though he opened in twice as many theaters, it appears the "director" couldn't scare up any more interest in his film as Drew Barrymore's "Whip It."

Wait, Drew Barrymore had a movie premiering?

Two entries tied at No. 7: Drew Barrymore's directing debut, "Whip It," and documentary filmmaker Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story" each reported about $4.9 million in ticket sales.

"Capitalism" played in almost twice as many theaters as "Whip It," which had been expected to open in the high-single-digit millions ahead of the Gervais comedy.

"Zombieland," bolstered by strong reviews and advance buzz, matched its modest production budget.

None of the movies in the Reuters story had a blockbuster opening, with "Zombieland" the only one grossing over $20 million (which is all the better, considering Hollyweird's obsession with freeing douchebags like Mumia and Polanski and promoting idiots like Moore). But for "Capitalism" to have such a poor opening compared to "Whip It" and other films, especially when it was projected to gross twice as much, is a strong rejection of Moore and his stupidity.

Guess he shouldn't have made that crack about capitalism doing nothing for him.

Ah, well. He can still go back to his big mansion with its massive carbon footprint and the mountain of Hostess Ho-Hos he sleeps on every night, comforted in the fact that the process of garnering wealth by providing a product that somebody wanted to buy never did him any good.

'Cause he wouldn't want to be a hypocrite or anything...

Read more...

UAW Rallies against...the UAW

The irony doesn't just drip, it flies out as though from a RainBird sprinkler.

via Sweetness and Light

The socialist People's World dutifully reports;

Hundreds rally to stop Chrysler plant closing

But who are they rallying against, exactly?

"What do we want?" (unintelligible muttering)
"When do we want it?" "NOW!"

According to "Peoplesworld";

"Build them where they sell them" was the battle cry from hundreds of autoworkers and their supporters at a rally in front of Chrysler's Sterling Heights Assembly Plant (SHAP) Sept. 25. The plant, eight miles north of Detroit, is scheduled to close in December 2010 but the union here is aggressively working to reverse that decision.

The plant, which makes the Chrysler Sebring and Avenger mid-sized sedans and the Sebring convertible, is one of eight Chrysler plants that are slated to close.

According to Sweetness and Light;

This article, especially coming from the CPUSA ["A militant, activist, working class party that unites workers, students, professionals and farmers from various backgrounds in a fighting..." blah blah], should supply us all with our minimum daily requirement for irony for quite some time.

The socialists continue;

Since June, Chrysler has been run by Fiat under a U.S. government-aided bankruptcy reorganization. Upsetting many here is that while Chrysler/Fiat received $10 billion in U.S. taxpayer money (and 2.5 billion Canadian tax dollars) all of the plants that are scheduled to close are here in the U.S.

Hrm...

WSJ Online in April reported;

The United Auto Workers union would eventually own 55% of the stock in a restructured Chrysler LLC under the deal reached by the union and the auto maker, according to a summary of the agreement that was reviewed by the Wall Street Journal.

Fiat SpA "eventually" will own 35%, and the U.S. government and Chrysler's secured lenders together will end up owning 10% of the company once it is reorganized, that summary said.

As I understand all this, the Douchbag UAW is pissed at the Douchbag UAW and protesting cuts? heh

Meanwhile, local cities in the Kokomo area are starting to feel the pinch as factories still aren't paying their property taxes;

Much consternation has been expressed by Howard County attorney Larry Murrell and his team of negotiators in relation to the stonewalling received from Chrysler concerning past and future tax payments.

The negotiating team has expressed the feeling that Chrysler negotiator Brian Glowiak doesn't have the authority to reach a settlement. They are probably right. But the problem isn't Glowiak or Chrysler's intransigence. The problem lies with the owners of the company.

Ownership of the company is divided up as follows. Fiat owns 20 percent, the U.S. Treasury owns 9.85 percent, Export Development Canada owns 2.46 percent, and the United Auto Workers VEBA owns 67.60 percent.

Fiat's share will rise to 35 percent if performance goals are met. Fiat will also have the right to buy 16 percent more shares.

The United Auto Workers at 67.60 percent has a majority ownership of the company - and not only a majority ownership, but a super majority ownership. Therefore, the Howard County negotiating team has been negotiating with the wrong people. Murrell's group should be negotiating with the United Auto Workers, the organization that basically owns Chrysler.

Murrell should immediately add to his negotiating team the United Auto Workers' local presidents who have a vested interest in our community and the community's welfare.

[My italics above]


So...
Not only are the unions pissed at the unions (if they even know who they're pissed at), the unions aren't paying their fair share?

The whole Government Motors bailout concept seems to be devolving into a tornado suckhole of douchbaggery and leftist idiocy.

Another thing; the "Build them where they sell them" line. More cars are sold in California than anywhere else, so....STFU.

Read more...

President's online/on-air healthcare address leads to shocking discovery

President Obama gave a radio/internet address in which he links passage of his healthcare bill (the one in which employers are required to provide insurance or pay into the system, and private citizens are rewired to carry insurance or pay a fine) with economic growth. Because, he says, it will encourage more people to become entrepreneurs if they don't fear losing their coverage while in transition. And then, says he, small business will be MORE likely to hire people.

This reasoning on the part of the president has led many citizens to a new discovery about the 44th President of the United States: Holy SHIT, we've elected a fucking moron.

Seriously, somebody call 48-fucking-hours to investigate how this brain-dead, zombified community organizer actually manages to walk around and utter multi-syllabic words. Clearly, if this man EVER had the brains God gave a Gumby doll, somewhere along the way, he managed to destroy those cells -- replaced, probably, with that ego of his, which is itself so thick it actually has its own fucking identity.

I mean, I suppose SOMEBODY in that organization has to be credited with at least a little intelligence for suggesting Biden as 2nd-in-command, if for no other reason than to make sure there was somebody with less intelligence in the White House than the President. But the more Obama talks, the more I'm convinced that he is not, in fact, the brains behind this operation.



The President needs people with him at every public appearance just to remind him to breathe in and out and put one foot in front of the other. He wasn't checking out that girl's ass in France -- he was asking her for directions to the bottom step.

When he says, "uh," he's not using it as a vocal crutch, or trying to collect his thought; he's sounding out the words.

I'm going to explain this, not for the people reading this -- if you have intelligence enough to find your way to the internets, this shit is elementary. But, please, somebody pass the following note on to the President:

If having people work for you costs more money (which it will, since employers will have to provide insurance or pay into the system), fewer people will get hired. That doesn't equal MORE jobs, fucknut. Look, I understand math is hard, and that your pea brain only has room enough for either adding one plus one or being articulate -- but content yourself with mumbling for a few days and try to grasp this simple, fucking concept: in a depressed economy (that means, in a world where people don't have as much money as they normally would; try to keep up, dipshit), people aren't going to spend MORE money if they don't have to. If NOT hiring somebody will cost less than HIRING somebody, then somebody ISN'T going to get that job. Clear enough?

I doubt it.

Read more...

Tom Tomorrow pines for a castle in the air with other Progressives

What is a castle in the air? It's a common metaphor for a dreamworld that people imagine when they use phrases like "there oughtta be a law" and "if I were king for a day I'd do XYZ." IF they spend longer than a few seconds in their airy castles, or if they get all upset about the difference between reality and a castle in the air, we call it psychotic schizophrenia. Check out Tom Tomorrow, douchebag cartoonist extraordinaire, in his wishful trip to the castle in the air of psychotic schizophrenia-world.

Update: Notice how none of the frames in this comic represent the real world? They are all products of TT's imagination. Most are his imaginary castle in the air of progressive-world. The final frame is his imaginary dialogue of non-progressives, who in reality don't think or say anything like what he represents them saying. In other words, there is not a single true statement in the entire comic. It is one, sustained psychotic break from reality.

Deep thoughts from Blago...

When progressives do what they call "deep thinking," what they are actually doing is known by most people as "psychotic schizophrenia." They jettison reality in favor of some idealized world where everything runs according to their whims instead of according to what actually goes on in the physical world and in the thoughts of every single other human being in the world. Remember, every single human being has the same God given rights that you have. These rights do not infringe on the rights of others. That's how you know they are God given: because God would not have created a flawed system. Whether or not they are allowed to exercise these rights by their religion and government, they still have them. So-called rights, like healthcare, that take away someone else's rights, like the right of people with insurance to keep it, are not God given. They are inventions of the Devil and man. Only a progressive would want to perfect the world by taking away God given rights (like self defense) and replacing them with cheap imitations (like a police state) invented by men and the freaking Devil.

But progressives still want to do it, not because it makes sense, but because they are douchebags. The psychotic schizophrenia and rabid hatred of Christianity helps too.

Read more...

Forgiveness Costs a Half-Million Dollars

Roman "Child Rapist" Polanski reportedly paid his victim $500,000. Was this to shut Samantha Geimer up? Is this why she has asked for the charges to be dropped?

Not that what she wants matters. This isn't about her, not anymore. This is about punishment and deterrence. Show these pervert child rapists that running isn't going to protect them. Someday, they'll end up in a jail cell and become a seven-foot-tall body-builder named Mary's girlfriend.

At least the Governator got it right:

The arrest of Mr Polanski, who won an Oscar in 2002 for The Pianist, a harrowing story of Nazi-occupied Warsaw, has prompted an outcry among some politicians and Hollywood heavyweights.

But on Friday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said the film-maker should not get special treatment because he is a "big-time movie director".

He seems remarkably lonesome in his views, however:

Other Hollywood luminaries, including film producer Harvey Weinstein, have called for Mr Polanski's release.

What is it with people in Hollyweird closing-ranks around their liberal friends when they get in trouble? Some asshole kills his wife, some dumbass gets arrested for being coked up in their Vegas hotel room with a dead hooker, some shit-head drugs and rapes a pre-teen; suddenly that criminal jackass is the cause-celeb of every moron who's ever been in a movie.


Now we find out Polanski paid the girl he drugged and forcibly sodomized half a million dollars to get her to drop her lawsuit. Now his buddies are calling for his sentence to be commuted because she forgave him.

Gee, wonder why?

When I was little, my mom once told me that people in Hollywood grow up never living normal lives, so their sense of reality is warped.

I suppose if Hitler had been a Hollywood director before becoming mein Fuhrer and killing 30 million people on the battlefield and 12 million more in the gas chambers, all would have been forgiven?

No wonder I'm not liking the crap coming from these douchebags lately: These people are so divorced from reality they don't know when something seems real or not.

I heard about a prison that allowed tours. The first cell visitors came to and one of the few inmates who was allowed to speak to them was a gigantic, muscle-bound man named Bubba.

Bubba would tell visitors, "You don't want to come here. Before you come here, your asshole is this big," and he'd hold his thumb and forefinger very close together. "When you come here, you become Bubba's girlfriend. After a month of being Bubba's girlfriend, your asshole is this big," and he would take both his hands and hold them in a big "O" about the size of a softball. "You don't wanna be Bubba's girlfriend."

Hey Roman, get ready to meet Bubba.

Update: Looks like Polanski may never have paid. Ain't he a special guy? (H/T JammieWearingFool via Blago Bloggo)

Read more...

Big Bird clip from the Tonight Show

Did you hear the audience laugh and cheer this clip from Conan on the Tonight Show? I think Conan's writers did, and they are not going to toe the progressive line anymore because that is not where the ratings are. Take that you progressive Hollyweird douchebags! The money is not in your progressive causes. It's in the conservative ones! Do studios want to keep going broke or do they want to thrive?

h/t: Jason Killian Meath at BigHollywood

Read more...

Top Ten Rules for Lefties

What's a lefty? A progressive douchebag, plain and simple.

In honor of the boorish Late Night Television idiot who has sex with many of his femployees, here is a top ten of reasons why progressive douchebags think they are always right and anyone who disagrees with them is wrong. These came from twitter so I left the hashtag on, and also credited them to the authors.

10. discerning_con: What's the difference between God and Obama? God doesn't think he's Obama.... #leftyrules
    
9. erickbrockway: Pose on an anti-aircraft gun in Viet Nam: lefty hero. Pose with a bag of tea: violent fascist #leftyrules
   
8. beaglescout: Call the other side Hitler: If you're on left it's a deep insight; If on right it's criminal, violent hate speech. #leftyrules
   
7. discerning_con: Burn a flag while hanging Bush in effigy= patriotism. Wave a teabag while calling for less government spending= treason #leftyrules
   
6. CalebHowe: Throw rocks at RNC delegates and you're a "protester". Raise your voice at a townhall and you're "American Taliban". #leftyrules
5. CalebHowe: Opposing Obama is like being a child molester. But being an actual child molester is like being a beloved cinema icon. #leftyrules
4. blagobloggo: If a criminal talks like a communist and converts to Islam in prison, he isn't really guilty. Free Mumia! #leftyrules

3. CalebHowe: Call Bush Hitler and you're a patriotic dissenter. Call Obama incompetent and UR RAAAACCCIIIIIIISSSSSTTTTTTTTT!!!!11!1111!!!! #leftyrules
2. blagobloggo: Thou shalt not pray to Jesus, but please feel free to use his name when cussing like a hooker #leftyrules
1. CalebHowe: Oppose the war and you're a patriot. Oppose the Olympics and you're like Hitler. But meaner. #leftyrules

What would progressives do to Roman Polanski for drugging and getting drunk a 13 year old girl, then raping her mouth, vagina, and ass while she resists and screams no? Let him go, of course. Even though he didn't serve any time. And what would progressives do to Teddy Kennedy, who left a young woman to die? Laud him and claim she would have wanted him to leave her to die.

You know, back in the really bad old days there were two laws also. There was the law for commoners with death for things like taking a loaf of bread, and the law for nobility, in which murdering a peasant on your land or raping his wife on his wedding night went unpunished. Thanks to progressive douchebags who call themselves liberals, we have gone a long way back to those bad old days.

Read more...

New Letterman Show Top 10 List

Thanks to @ComiCure for tweeting me with it.

Read more...

Singer of "I kissed a girl and I liked it" kisses Russell Brand, likes it

meh

Read more...

Who knew? Worldwide Pants actually refers to David Letterman's heavy breathing

Thanks to Jim Treacher for the title. Other JTLOL classics were:

• There's a 20-year age difference between Alex Rodriguez & Willow Palin. I wonder how much younger than Letterman those staffers are?
• Just last week, Letterman told Obama, "I love to watch you work." Turns out that's his standard line around the office.
• Right now, Woody Allen is signing a petition to get David Letterman some fresh meat.

Let me get this straight.

• David Letterman is a long-time, serial seducer of women in his workplace who work for him.
• Some of them have long-time boyfriends, are married, or were married.
• Judging from the way that female guests who appear on his show have always reacted to him like he is a creep, this has been well known for a long time.
• One of these husbands decided to blackmail Letterman with the information.
• Letterman told his audience that he was a sexual predator who forced women who worked for him into sexual relationships.
• He got laughs because he called his actions "hinky"

Am I missing anything?

Someone has to say it. The blackmailing boyfriend who left that package on the back seat of Letterman's car should have just convinced his girl to file a sexual harassment lawsuit against Letterman for $20 million or so. Or he could have filed an alienation of affection suit. Way more money than $2 million. Plus you can get the money and also embarrass him publicly. And saying "I've been sued for sexual harassment because I used my power over them to sleep with a lot of women who worked for me" on stage doesn't usually get a laugh. Even when you say "hinky."

David Letterman: What a Douchebag!

This makes all the creepy shit he said about the Palin daughters even creepier. Can't he be convicted of some kind of sex crime and forced to live under a bridge like a troll or something?

Read more...

Steve Schmidt is a leper to me

Who in Hell would listen to the opinion of the architect of John McCain's stunningly douchetastic campaign? I name him salad-tosser and teabagger of the day.

Read more...

Michael Moore: Capitalism Did Nothing for Me

You read that title right. According to Michael Moore, maker of the new "documentary" Capitalism: A Love Story, Capitalism tried to stop him from ever achieving the wealth, fame and power he now has.

Documentary film director Michael Moore, who has become a millionaire thanks to the profits from his movies, told CNSNews.com that “capitalism did nothing” for him.

What a fucking moron.

CNSNews.com then asked Moore: “Critics would say he’s [Moore] been very successful under a capitalist system. How would you justify making a movie where you paint capitalism as evil?”

Moore said: “Well, capitalism did nothing for me, starting with my first film.”

“You know, I had to pretty much beg, borrow and steal,” he said. “The system is not set up to help somebody from the working class make a movie like this and get the truth out there.”

Uh, guess what, you fat, slobbish ogre: Most entrepreneurs out there didn't get a leg up from anybody. They built their business with their own two hands, scraping to get by until they started making money.

“In fact, in Fahrenheit 9/11 if you remember, capitalism, the Disney Corporation, tried to kill that film--tried to make it so that people couldn’t see it,” said Moore. “My book Stupid White Men--Harper Collins tried to kill that book so that people couldn’t see it. It's only because I put the light of day on it and told people what was going on did people get the chance to see these things.”

Hey Lardass, take the chili dog out of your mouth and turn on your fucking brain: They paid you for your shitty fucking film (which was proven chock full of lies, omissions, errors and out-of-context "proof"). Even if they had buried it, you still made out.



In the end, your "documentary" was released and made millions of dollars worldwide. And oh, yeah, probably recruited about 10,000 terrorists to kill American soldiers. Thanks a fucking pant-load, asshole.

It's poetic, really: Fat Ass makes movies and writes books that people who hate capitalism want to watch and read. He's providing a product that these people want.

He is the fucking essence of Capitalism.

It bought him a nice house. Stocks. And a shit-load of Twinkies.

Hey Michael, if you don't like that mountain of money that you sleep on every night, you can always send it all my way. I won't complain.

Read more...

So this is what 52% of the vote looks like

More like 52% of the buffet line.

Ladies, or gentlemen, or transgendered, WTF you are. I really can't tell. Pat? Sandy? Chris? Dale? I need to see your union cards to confirm that you are SEIU before I can validate your parking.

C'mon, fess up. This is what Axlerod signature Astro-Turf looks like.

Read Ace's comments. They are a riot!

Read more...