21 September 2009

The Venezuelan Slicer's Cure


Venezuelan Routine to Cure a Slice
  • Tee the ball
  • Step behind the ball, imagining the line of flight of the tee shot
  • Mark a spot on the ground in front of the ball
  • Step to the side of the ball, standing parallel to the line of flight
  • Focus on Hugo Chavez's ugly face on the face of the ball
  • Swing and smack Hugo's Chavismo right into the ground
The ball will never go Right. It will fly high and hook like a fricking boomarang.

Of course the ball does what it wants in real life. Sometimes it goes left. Sometimes it goes right. Sometimes it squirts along the ground for a few yards, ending up in a ditch. Sometimes, miracle of miracles, it flys high and goes straight. But the key is that sometimes it goes right. And that must never happen in Hugo Chavez' Venezuela, where everything must always go left.

And that is why Hugo Chavez hates golf.

Read more...

20 September 2009

A letter from your King

I got a letter from my king at firedouchebaglake in the PO box today. It started like this.

A letter from Your King

My subjects,

Just want to take a minute and get you up to speed on the progress I am making completely deconstructing your government and replacing it with mine. Change is good, well as long as you go with my changes. If you want to make your changes then I don’t really care for it much.


Read on at What Were You Thinking About?

Read more...

19 September 2009

America, can you smell what Barack is cooking?

Elitist snobbery boils over at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

The best-dressed woman in Washington DC (what in Sam Hill is she wearing in that photo, a hose-clamp?) went to the marketplace yesterday.

You see, she was in the middle of preparations for dinner when she discovered, quelles horreurs, that she had no certified organic Tuscan kale in the cupboard. Zut alors, what an incipient tragedy! Better get off to the certified organic market a city block away, you know the one she personally ushered through the city permitting process so that the peons who don't have taxpayer-paid private chefs with unlimited kitchen budgets can buy certified organic Tuscan kale and certified Japanese Wagyu beef. She dispatches the Secret Service, who sweep the marketplace for Republicans, drive out all the customers, and shut the marketplace to everybody else, then she rides there in the back of the limousine. Dana Milbank, take it away.

The Secret Service and the D.C. police brought in three dozen vehicles and shut down H Street, Vermont Avenue, two lanes of I Street and an entrance to the McPherson Square Metro station. They swept the area, in front of the Department of Veterans Affairs, with bomb-sniffing dogs and installed magnetometers in the middle of the street, put up barricades to keep pedestrians out, and took positions with binoculars atop trucks. Though the produce stand was only a block or so from the White House, the first lady hopped into her armored limousine and pulled into the market amid the wail of sirens.

Then, and only then, could Obama purchase her leafy greens. "Now it's time to buy some food," she told several hundred people who came to watch. "Let's shop!"

Cowbells were rung. Somebody put a lei of marigolds around Obama's neck. The first lady picked up a straw basket and headed for the "Farm at Sunnyside" tent, where she loaded up with organic Asian pears, cherry tomatoes, multicolored potatoes, free-range eggs and, yes, two bunches of Tuscan kale. She left the produce with an aide, who paid the cashier as Obama made her way back to the limousine.

There's nothing like the simple pleasures of a farm stand to return us to our agrarian roots.

Why does that remind me of the arugula comment and the Obamas' well-known preference for $300 per pound Wagyu steaks from Japan, and Mike Dukakis' deranged recommendation to Iowa farmers that they diversify their corn and soybean crops with Belgian Endive?

SNOB much?



These are the champions of the dispossessed? This is the Democrat Party that controls every single big city bureaucracy boiling over with corruption and poverty everywhere in this country, every year makes every single one worse, and hasn't gotten anyone out of poverty or misery in 45 years? Yeah, the SNOB Democrats are the party of big promises but their results suck donkey dick!

Read more...

Nancy Napoleonosi: Power is my Boytoy

This has got to be the best exclusive photo and interview I have ever gotten. I got to talk, well, listen to Nancy Pelosi in person! It went like this:


The Empress of San Francisco, Lady Protector of the Golden Gate, Patroness of the Teabaggers Guild and Salad Tossers Guild of the Castro District, High Druidess of the Haight, Lady Nancy Napoleonosi, appears before you to bestow upon you an immeasurably valuable nugget of her wisdom.

Hearken and learn, oh ye bitter clinging douchebags of the outlying provinces. Open your provincial proletarian ears and listen to your betters when they deign to grace you with their superior aristocratic wit.

Props to Reagan Fanatic for the excellent photoshop.

Read more...

18 September 2009

Support the Gormogons GIVASHIT Act of 2009 to shine a light on QUANGOs

A QUANGO is a quasi-autonomous non-governmental-organization. It is a fascist combination of government and private non-profit that does the dirty work of government insiders without being exposed to public oversight. They are pretty awful, no matter what their supposed portfolio.

Ghettoputer has a really good idea for an amendment to get added onto a bill the next time some progressive douchebag QUANGO like ACORN or SEIU or or Fannie Mae or the new GM or the fricking FED gets exposed to sunlight and makes everyone throw up in their mouth a little. Sure, ACORN got a wedgie this week, but they had already changed their name to COI. Does the ban apply to the new name of the stinkpit? What about other QUANGOs?
insist Democrats support 'Puter's Government Investment Verification and Accountability, Sustainability, Healthcare, Information and Transparency Act of 2009 ("GIVASHIT").

GIVASHIT requires any entity (public, private or charitable) that receives more than a set percentage of its operating budget ('Puter would say 10%, but Republicans should settle for 50%) from any government entity (federal, state or local) (1) be subject to the provisions of the Freedom of Information Act and (2) submit audited financial statements annually, available for public inspection. Affiliates of any covered entity would also be subject to GIVASHIT's provisions. The only exceptions to covered entities would be based upon national security considerations.

GIVASHIT will prevent waste, fraud and abuse of government funds by making each American a private attorney general, with authority to investigate publicly funded entities on his own through judicious use of FOIA. And if covered entities don't like the accoutnability, they can opt out from coverage by refusing to accept government funds. It's a win-win.
Do you GIVASHIT about shining a light on QUANGOs? I GIVASHIT abuot exposing QUANGOs. Everyone should all get together and GIVASHIT together!

Um... no takeashits though! That would be taking it too far.

Read more...

Go here and sign

Read more...

17 September 2009

Am I a racist if I think Maxine Waters is an idiot?

I sure hope not, because that's exactly what she is. An idiot. Hopefully, soon, she'll be a convicted idiot.

Waters is accused of pulling strings to set up a meeting last year between black-owned banks and Treasury Department officials. She says she wanted to be sure those banks were included when the government offered money to bail out financial institutions in trouble. One black-owned bank - OneUnited - asked for 50 million dollars in government money. Waters and her husband owned hundreds of thousands of dollars in OneUnited stock. Treasury officials say they didn’t know that; Waters says she disclosed it in official filings. The Office on Congressional Ethics – which sifts through ethics complaints about House members - looked into the Waters case. It referred it to a House committee – and that committee has voted unanimously to continue the Waters investigation for another 45 days.



Idiot

After a career helping little Acorns to grow, she voted with an all-douchebag progressive wad against defunding Acorn in the house vote today.
Idiot.
She praises Fidel Castro.
Idiot.
If you type Maxine Waters into a Google search, one of the top searches related to Maxine Waters is "Maxine Waters idiot"
So am I a racist because this idiot identifies herself by the color of her skin as an African American and I happen to think she's a friggin' idiot, or is Maxine Waters just a friggin' idiot?


"She's a fucking idiot"

Read more...

Why say 'Fascist'?

I must apologize in advance for being a buzzkill with a serious post. Rake me over the coals in the comments, oh ye of refined douche tastes. For I will not contribute my fair share of mockery in this posting.

Ace of Spades doesn't think that "fascist" is a useful word when it comes to Obama.
I have long disliked the "FASCIST" claims, not just when they came every single day from the left, but now, too, as they come from the right.

There are several problems with the word.

1. It's not true. Obama is not a fascist. He has done things on occasion that one can credibly argue tended in a fascist direction -- first thing that comes to mind? those Missouri prosecutors threatening to vaguely "Go after" anyone accusing Obama of false charges, like (giggle) that he would raise taxes on the middle class -- but an actual fascist? No.

2. It tends to suggest violence is the only means of political expression. If it were true that any president were a fascist, then... well, democratic society is dead, isn't it? We live in a tyranny. The normal respect we give to civil, civic means of political jockeying is dead and buried. Not only are we freed from the usual moral and legal restraints against political violence, but... well, we might say we're morally obligated to commit political violence, no?


Ace, dude, you aren't using the same definition of fascist that the people who call Obama a fascist are using. Fascism was a variant of socialism that arose out of the Italian fasci, or factions. These were unions. Both socialism and fascism become totalitarian. Both can be nationalist or internationalist. The important difference between them, the economic difference between fascism and socialism is that in socialism, the state owns all the property, while in fascism, property belongs in theory to individuals but because the state controls everything about property the "owner" doesn't have any of the traditional property rights, like the right to improve, sell or give his property to someone else, or change the way it is being used without government approval. Some people call the economic system fascist or state corporatism. Mussolini's fascism was compatible with, and grew out of anarcho-syndicalism: the domination of society by trade unions. Then the state, meaning the government, took over all the businesses and managed them for its benefit. Fascists also spent a lot of time and energy attacking laissez-faire economics and international corporations.

Notice anybody recently issuing trillions of dollars in giveaways to unions and taking over private companies? Think GM and Chrysler and the banks. Think insurance industry. Think health insurance, hospitals, clinics, and doctors' offices for the healthcare highjack. Think EFCA/Card Check. Notice anybody calling laissez faire economics a failed system and blaming international corporations for not paying their fair share of taxes? Notice anybody planning to nationalize lots of businesses and succeeding with several industries already? All the signs point to fascism on the horizon. That is why people are writing "Fascism" on signs.

I don't blame them a frakking bit.

"Fascist" in this context isn't a simple little insult, like "douchebag" or "teabagger." It isn't the Stalinist distraction from Stalin's own totalitarian oppression. It is a technically correct word to describe the form into which the state is being molded. And if you know your history, it is scary as all hell! Because after the fascism arrives, that's when you get to the coercive totalitarian state and the death camps and all that obvious evil. That's the fascism and naziism you are thinking of.

Read more...

SEIU calls ACORN Pimps and Hos, Raises with a Kiddie Porn collecting Child Molester

What would be unbelievable for almost any organization other than this gang of thieves, is what you expect for SEIU.

Read more...

ACORN: It's Hard out here for a Pimp

Read more...

16 September 2009

Jimmy Carter is a senile coot who ought to stay on the porch in Plains boiling peanuts and selling them by the bag

I wonder what Jimmy Carter's advice would be for a young pimp and his ho wanting to get a Habitat for Humanity home with an ACORN loan.

So Jimmy Carter the Hamas-loving, Jew-hating martinet said that most of the Tea Party movement was based on racism. Geez, what a douchebag! What else do we expect other than a blanket accusation of racism from this senile rectal-cranial invert? He's got nothing but ad hominem. It isn't like he, or any of the Pravda Media that so idolizes America's two most incompetent and awful presidents, has a reason other than intrinsic bigotry to oppose the non-partisan Tea Party movement.


I hope you listened carefully as Jimmy called Obama "that black boy." That is racism. It is so obvious even a progressive douchebag might be able to get through the confusing fog of postmodernism and recognize it for the truth.

Special Update: On the other hand, Jimmy is a member of the I can say anything I want ex-Presidents club, and can say anything he wants since them's the rules.

Read more...

yeah... sorry, Jimmah. Surrogates don't actually get a seat ON the bus, per se...

Being an Obama Surrogate has to be a lot like being in Her Majesty's Secret Service: Obey your marching orders, but if you're discovered, Her Highness will disavow all knowledge of your actions.

In the case of Jimmah Carter, the assignment appears to have been, "toss out the race bait, see who bites." It's not a bad strategy overall, and certainly one with which the Alinskyites in the Obambi Administration are comfortably familiar. Just throw a bunch of shit at the wall; see what sticks. The upside to this scenario is, when something sticks, the Administration can take full credit; it would be revealed that the shit-thrower in question did so with the blessing of the administration. The downside, of course, is that whichever monkey threw the shit that didn't stick will have to be blamed for tossing it in the first place.

And the Peanut Farmer had a particularly tough assignment. It's pretty hard to look at the millions of people who disagree with the President and denounce them all as racists. Only the hardest-core douchenozzles of the fringe left would dare believe it. And most of those little fuckers have been twittering the theory one-handed for months anyway. In short, it was a suicide mission -- which is probably why it was given to Jimmah. His political career is over. For a brief, shining moment, people forgot what an incompetent shitbag he really is, but Carter was forced to fall back onto that sword during the Obama campaign. His legacy is one of bumbling around with his head up his ass on his best days. All-in-all, the perfect surrogate to float the racism card. If anyone had little enough left to lose that putting the political gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger was actually a step up, Carter was that man.

Not surprisingly, the racism shit didn't stick. Less surprisingly, Obama gently invited Carter to his space under the bus.

Read more...

A new blog joins the Progressive Douchebag Watch family

Hiya, friends. Y'know, there are some douchebags who are so douchey in their baggery that tales of their exploits are just too many to contain in a single blog. Especially if you want that blog to cover anybody else. So, I've created a blog that doesn't cover anybody else. Only the single douchebag in question.

Lady's and gentlemen, her doucheyness is unquestionable. And she's clearly a bag. I give you:

In this new blog, we explore the question, "Just what the hell color IS the sky in Speaker Pelosi's world, anyway?" Because, clearly, she is witnessing a different reality than the rest of us. I do hope you enjoy.

Read more...

Wear that Badge of Honor with Pride, Joe!

Joe Wilson was the first Congressman in history to ever be formally rebuked for calling a lie a lie by the House of Representatives. Under the leadership of Nancy Pelosi (Douchebag, Uranus) the Democrats all voted on a party line that Wilson was a douchenozzle for calling a lie, a lie.

These are the Douchebags who found what Wilson did so fricking deplorable.



Yeah, classy as we expect from the House of Reprehensibles, the universe's most feebleminded, morally retarded herd of intellectually dishonest liars, perverts, hypocrites, and treasonous cowards, who give aid and comfort to the enemy. I notice they didn't ban "douchebag" in their hypocritical, intellectually dishonest resolution. That's because the truth is an absolute defense.

Congressman Joe Wilson, your rebuke, from Nancy Pelosi and the most unpopular Congressional gang of cut-throats, brigands, and highwaymen since Congressional popularity began to be measured, is a badge of honor. With it, you will defeat all Democrats who challenge you. Because of it, your name shall eclipse the name of the douchebag who traveled to Sudan and lied about what he learned there in order to falsely smear a President and treasonously lend aid and comfort to an enemy during wartime. Because of it, you have become a standard-bearer not only in the House of Reprehensibles, not only in the battle against the healthcare highjack, but also in the war against Orwellian, politically correct bullshit.

Call em like you see em, Joe. And may you and your fellow truth-tellers in the House continue to amass badges of fricking honor from the battle to be able to call a lie, a lie.

Read more...

Charlie Gibson is a lying puddle of used Douche solution



This is the same progressive douchebag who perpetuated the "All right-wingers are racist" claim, in front of God and everyone, on the floundering and mostly unwatched-after-this-week ABC news.

Charles Gibson, the host of ABC World News Tonight, inadvertently explained why the mainstream media is not covering the ACORN story.

Because they are gutless fucking Liars.

Don: Ok here's my question, Senate bill yesterday passes cutting off funds to this group called ACORN. Now we got the…we got that bill passing, we got the embarrassing video of ACORN staff giving tax advice on how to set up a brothel with 13 year old hookers. It has everything you could want corruption and sleazy action at tax funded organizations that's got government ties. But nobody's covering that story why?

Charlie Gibson: (laugh) I don't even know about it. Uh, so you got me at a loss, I don't know. Uh, uh, but, but My goodness if its got everything including sleaziness in it we should talk about it this morning.

Roma: This is the American way…

Charlie Gibson: Well maybe, maybe that's one you just leave to the cables.

Roma: Well I think that this is a huge issue because there's so much funding that goes into this organization and its a multi…

Charlie Gibson: Well, I know we've done some stories about ACORN before but uh, uh this one I don't know about.

Roma: Jake Tapper did some blogging on it. I know he's at least blogged once on this scandal.

Charlie Gibson: You guys, you guys are really up on the uh on the website.


Maybe Charlie needs to start reading any of the hundreds of websites reporting the story.

Charlie just took the sharp end of the nozzle and committed Seddouchu.






Read more...





Why pick on Progressives?

Progressives are neo-barbarian, luddite fools who want to replace all scientific progress with their failed, pseudo-scientific, utopian fairy tale and take us back to the paleolithic period. In other words they are douchebags.

Q: Do you have a problem with Progressive Insurance?

We don't have a problem with their insurance product. But the company is also a major giver of money to politically progressive causes, and because of that the owners and managers are total douchebags.

Tweet me like you love it

    follow me on Twitter

      © Blogger template The Business Templates by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

    Back to TOP