Resident Obama: Leaving New England

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Resident Obama: Halloween in D.C.

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Chris Coons Comes Out

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Latest Gossip from unnamed sources at the Capitol Building

When I was walking down the Capitol Steps tonight the director of Charlie Rangel's office was walking a heifer up the steps. I asked him what he was doing with a cow at the Capital. Was he playing a joke on someone?

"No," he said, "I got Bessie for the milk."

"You're going to have a cow in Rangel's offices," I observed.

"Yeah, her name's Bessie."

"Isn't that gross?"

"What do you mean?"

"What about the shit and the flies?" I asked.

"Bessie can get used to them," he answered.

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Just a note on the refrigerator door

Create jobs my ass


Jim Treacher stuck an interesting posty note to his fridge today, let's see what it says, shall we?

West Texas Boy|10.3.10 @ 8:59AM|#

I am so fucking tired of hearing - from both sides of the spectrum - that something needs to be done about "jobs."

FUCK "JOBS"

Jobs are a byproduct of healthy industry. They are not a goal in and of themselves and they most definitely are not something the government itself should be trying to encourage or create.

Jobs are what happen when someone has too much work to do by himself, so he gets someone to help. If you want to work, GO FUCKING WORK. Start a fucking business. Find something that you can do and do it and sell the product of your labor to others.

What? You don't want work for yourself? You want to work for someone else? Fine, but it's not businessowners' responsibility to employ people and its not the federal governments responsibility to somehow force them to. If you want a fucking job, then AGITATE THE FUCKING FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO EXPAND BUSINESS AND "JOBS" WILL COME. Make it easier for the people who actually do business and jobs will come as a byproduct. Jesus Christ, and you're also asking for higher taxes on the very people you need to create your precious JOBS? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY? Why does everyone want to be treated like a child? And the goddam federal government ENCOURAGES this shit.

I am so fucking tired of this straight out of Marx shit that somehow the people are just entitled to share in someone else's fortune and capital in the name of "jobs." GO MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING JOB.

Businesses aren't in the business of making "jobs," they're in the business of CREATING VALUE FOR THEIR OWNERS. When you say that a business should be making more JOBS, you are saying that the capital of those business owners should not actually belong to them and belongs to the "workers". Thanks a fucking lot, Stalin.

"Fund Jobs Not Wars"

Has it every occurred to these people that only one of those is actually the responsibility of the federal government to fund, and its not "JOBS".

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I am surly this morning and this isn't helping.

Read responses-

I'm thinking it pretty much says it all...

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So Commies Have Nothing to do with Obama and OneNation... WRONG

In which Blago gets serious.

Why was this post on the Communist Party USA Website directly linked from the Organizing for America page for the OneNation march?

Why we march and vote

by: CPUSA
October 1 2010

tags: statement, protest, elections, racism, red baiting, democracy



On October 2, tens of thousands of people will stand together in Washington, D.C. demanding that Congress reject the Republican right-wing obstruction and put the creation of jobs and the plight of the jobless on the front burner.

The most crucial midterm elections in our nation's history are barely a month away. What's at stake? The future of the changes our country voted for in 2008 with the election of President Obama. The message then was clear: the voters had enough of the right-wing policies attacking working people, enough of endless war, racism, environmental destruction, hate and division.

But the forces of reaction and their supporters on Wall Street, in the right-wing talk shows and networks are regrouping. They are seeking to return to power by taking advantage of the tremendous frustration, fear and desperation of Americans who are suffering in the midst of the economic crisis.

Corporate America is doing everything possible to grow fear, hysteria and hatred. They aim to discredit, divide and derail the thing they fear most - the power of the united movement for change led by President Obama. That movement encompasses the labor, communities of color, women, youth, the LGBT community and their many allies,

They are stirring up confusion and hatred -- using as they always have -- the twin and vile pollutants of racism and red baiting.

They aim to tear apart the beautiful multi-racial, multi-national fabric that makes up this country, through the despicable use of racism and bias directed at Pres. Obama, African Americans, Latinos, other people of color, immigrants and the LGBT community. They seek to infect disaffected white Americans with racist ideas hoping they will vote against their self interests.

Corporate America is also using anti-communism and red baiting to confuse and divide the people's movement, charging Obama and the movement that elected him is "socialist." They seek to revive the "red scare" of the 1950s when McCarthyism disfigured the national discourse, undermined democracy and free speech, effectively divided the labor and people's movements, and setback progress for a generation.

But this is a different time. People have learned the bitter lessons of history. Millions are coming forward to counter fear and hate with unity and hope, and to protect the democratic majorities in Congress. The Communist Party USA and Young Communist League stand with them.

While thousands are rallying in Washington for jobs, hundreds of thousands of other patriotic Americans who can't make it will be there in spirit. They will spend their day canvassing door to door, phone banking, registering new voters and talking to their neighbors and co-workers about the issues.

This activism will ensure millions will also march united to the polls on Nov. 2. to guard the change they voted for in 2008.

Those who choose to stand in the way of this expression of the highest ideals of our nation, stand against the interest of the vast majority of the American people.

Please review this article with me. The communist party, in a page on the communist party's own website in which the official voice of the CPUSA promotes the October 2nd march, is claiming that the marchers have nothing to do with communism, despite the fact that the communists are among the marchers. They also note that anti-communism of the 50s set back the "progress" they wanted to make at the time for a generation. In other words, anti-communism set communism back by a generation. In other other words, it worked!

In this smoking gun of a note, the Communist Party of the USA combines a lot of claims. Let's list some of them.

• All progressive goals are shared by communists. In other words, there is no substantive difference between progressives and communists. Hear that, progressive douchebags? You are identical to communists! And you're too stupid to realize it! Same for you TV and newspaper idjits. You're commies too! Ever wonder why the government wants to take your failing businesses over? Ever hear of Pravda and Izvestia? Yeah, that's your future, commies. Write what the government wants or look forward to a body bag. Try speaking truth to power then.
• Communists are completely behind the goals of the Democratic Party and its leader, Barack "Uncle Joe" Obama. Are you Democrats who think you're still in the party of Harry Truman and Jack Kennedy sure you agree with goals that come from the Communist Party?
• Communists blame Corporate America for the anti-communism of many TEA Partiers. This couldn't be further from the truth. All corporations have fully bought into diversity and preferential treatment of communist specified victim classes (Gramsci, if you want the name of the communist who specified them) by human resources departments everywhere. Tea Partiers identified communism around Obama because so many of his friends and family, including both his parents, step father, his two grandparents who raised him, his childhood mentor, his ghostwriter and bomb-making buddy Bill Ayers, and many of the people he sought out in college were communists or other types of marxists. Oh, and that doesn't even mention all the card carrying communists he put into the White House, starting with Van Jones and Anita Dunn. Even after being intentionally fooled by the progressive media, by progressive domination of education, the courts, many churches, and indoctrinating human resources departments, the American people are smart enough to identify a communist when he's wearing a Maoist red star on his Maoist army cap and waxing poetic about redistributing the wealth away from the capitalist robber barons. Anybody ever wonder where the jobs are coming from when everything that communists and other Democrats do crushes the abilities of small employers to hire people for a wage they can afford to pay? Small employers would create 80% of the jobs America needs to recover from the recession, but they are being prevented from hiring because Democrats have reinterpreted the laws and regulations in ways that make employers' continued existence and success uncertain. How can they prudently hire in such an environment without risking losing it all?
  
• Communists claim that "white voters" would vote against their self interests by voting against the communist party's program. This isn't true either. The interests of all Americans are to have a more prosperous nation where we are all free. The Communist program will create a poorer nation, with unemployment permanently at 20% or higher, where the middle class joins the poor in a permanent underclass living on government assistance, where labor unions are banned, dissent is punished by disappearance, and our government's leaders become our masters instead of our public servants. As it always has, communism in the US would create a nation of slaves and destroy the economy and the ability to produce food. Starvation would result. Anyone who votes for communists is voting for their own destruction and that of their children and grandchildren.
  
• Communists claim that the Tea Parties are driven by racism. This couldn't be further from the truth either. Tea Partiers are color blind, unlike the Communists themselves who divide Americans up into groups by race and other fault-lines in order to pit them against each other. They act as if the anti-communism of TEA Partiers was an obvious falsehood, when it is the communist party itself that with this article and many others has bragged it is part of Obama's coalition! Tea Partiers are driven by Americanism, by individualism, which is irrevocably opposed to communism, socialism, and progressivism. Tea Partiers have slowly come to realize this, and they are accepting that this time when they fight back the communists, as Americans had to do in the 50s, they will have to finish the fight instead of just leaving the beaten communists in peace. This time there will be no truce. The Republican leaders don't realize this yet, though some close to the leadership do. And this is the reason why the communists and progressives are so excitable about things. They realize all their plans to wreck America might be defeated forever, and they could be forced to emigrate to a country that is already communist or socialist. Such places are no fun to live in, especially when you are a failed communist.
  

By the way, when you visit this post it won't be the same. That's because the CPUSA edited it to try to change history after it had already happened. Remember how Joe Stalin would have the photos of people he had murdered removed from the photos in which they had once appeared? This is typical communist behavior, to change history so they can avoid getting blamed for their actions.

No Truth in Pravda, and No News in Izvestia.

Or in American, No Reality in Reality TV and No News in the News: Either paper or broadcast.

They edited their page because Communists are dedicated and trained liars. You need to watch out for them and turn your bullshit detector to high gain. Democrats who don't agree with the communist program still have time to get away from the progressive douchebags who have taken over their party. Either take the party back from them or quit the party altogether and join with the other party while we all fight off the progressive-communist threat.

Eventually we will beat those communist-progressive douchebags and send them back to Uranus, where they came from. Those assholes.

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LCD stands for Lowest Common Denominator

And that's what we are pandering to tonight. Babes! Bikinis! Machine Guns! Babes with muscles! Babes in cowboy hats.

Rock on Party People!

And did I mention that Gloria Allred got pwned by Greta Van Susteren tonight? Allred is going to have to go into hiding wherever idiots go to hide from the people who have seen through their charade. Allred, your days of pretending to serve the interests of your clients as you try to use them to create a scandal with which to tar a Republican candidate are over!

One more progressive douchebag, identified and neutralized!

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Democrat Logo: Fixed It For You

Progressive Douchebag Watch is a little late to the party but it finally struck us this week exactly what the new look Democrat logo really needs. First, here is the new look Democrat logo. Pretty (D)umb, right?



Let's examine it. The dim D, apparently standing for dim Democrat, is surrounded by the much bolder O, apparently standing for Obama. This illustrates the subservient nature of the Democratic Party to the personality cult of Obama. That is very important to the new fascist future of the USA under Maximum Leader Obama. There are three fonts in this logo, to demonstrate the incoherent policies and behavior of Democrats. And there is the same vacuous Change in the slogan, promising who knows what and delivering (D)isappointment and (D)espair to everyone. Good choices, Democrats. You have made a good start at describing Democrats' (D)umb party.

But you aren't there yet. Our crack staff thought that the circled D looked like a letter grade. Since the Democrats have manifestly failed in all they tried to do, it can't be the right grade. So let's fix that grade and make the slogan match it.



However, there is another possibility. D- might have been Obama's letter grade from Harvard.



That answer makes sense all right. But why would the Democrats want to advertise Obama's grades now, when they could have proved he actually passed Harvard without cheating by releasing these before the 2008 elections. Of course, Obama did give himself a grade of B-. Perhaps if the Democrats want to really become the Barack-ocrat Party they should just go all in now. Here is a logo that emphasizes the Barackyness of the Democratic Party and also reminds the voters of one of their proudest allies in the teachers' unions that have such a terrific job with the nation's failing schools.



After Velma Hart made her famous comment about Hot Dogs and Beans, the staff thought perhaps that the new reality Democrats had brought to Americans should be part of their logo. So they simplified back down to the original logo and changed the slogan to match.



But, you know the fact is that D just doesn't cut it. D is too high a grade for the Democrats. Unlike in school, effort doesn't count in real life. What counts is results. The real grade must be a low F. To really run on their undefeated record of failure after failure, going back 80 years to when Franklin Delano Roosevelt stretched out a one year recession into a 16 year Great Depression, every single economic and other decision made by the socialist/fascist FDR type of Democrats has proved that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and stupid Democrat policies.



We think that this final logo for the Democrats, I mean Failocrats, sums up the history of their party in the 20th and 21st century quite well. It's time to consign the socialist/fascist Democrats to the ash-heap of history along with all their logos.

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Young Love in Trouble

This skinny legged mack daddy seduced a lot of college kids in 2008, and now they are getting the morning after willing to chew their own arm off to get out from under his skanky ass blues. In other words, "Obama, it's not me. It's you!"

Who would have ever expected the halo to get rusty so soon?

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What is funny about Boobs on TV?

My brain doesn't work when I see Carrie Keagen. Somebody please explain to me what is funny about this in the comments. I don't see funny. I see awesome! of the level of awesomeness! reserved to the fricking awesome! US Constitution!

WTF?

I keep on playing it again and again and again and besides getting chapped palms am not making any headway.

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Borat Sponsors, Passes Bill in US Congress to make peeing illegal

Everyone noticed that Stephen Colbert testified about cornholing and corn-packing Iowans and all sorts of other corny jokes today, but nobody seems to get why. And no I don't mean because of Coate's testimony on the Vote Cheating Section of the Department of the Perversion of Justice. No, we all knew that was going to be ignored by the communist media vanguard and their communist lapdogs in the Democratic Party. I mean that today's stunt was an unsuccessful attempt by Colbert to one-up Al Franken's hilarious stunt of getting elected as the Junior Senator from Minnesota. The Franken comedy act is so subtle and yet so over the top, simultaneously, that people don't get it. Maybe if someone at NBC, where Zucker got zuckered out the door today, well, if NBC had a weekly show featuring the Junior Senator from Minnesota, say, on Saturday nights at 1130 eastern time, then people would get it. By it, I mean syphillis. Or trich.

But what has been so far un-noticed in the Stephen Colbert antics continuously broadcast by the hydrocephalic media is that Borat went into the House of Representatives today, flirted like a madman with Madam Speaker, and convinced her to pass a bill that made peeing illegal in the US. Then he took the bill over to Harry Reid, flirted with him like a madman, and got Harry "the needy reed gone to seed" Reid to pass the bill. Then he took the bill to the White House, and after some mad flirting with Michelle Obama, who hasn't been getting much attention from whats-his-name lately, got her to sign Barry's John Hancock onto the bill. That's how to get things done!

Now we will all have to hold it. Forever. I believe that Al Franken's massive practical joke on the American people has been beaten.

And remember, when you piss your pants, thank a progressive!

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Will Gary McDowell let Grandpa die?

Sources say; yes.




Is McDowell a good candidate for Michigan? Same sources; No.

In fact, Michigan may be thinking that Dan Benishek is the better choice soon.

Check out Benishek here, he's not a douchebag like McDowell.

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Frankenfish Feast for the Fraidy-Cats

Genetic scientists have engineered a breed of salmon that grows twice as fast and can be twice as large as salmon in the wild. It has been dubbed by the media as a "Frankenfish", a play on the organic foods community purjorative "Frankenfood".

An article by Marion Nestle in the Atlantic sums up the generic opposition to Genetically Modified foods:

Of course the public does not trust genetically modified foods. The foods are not labeled. If the biotech industry and the FDA want the public to trust them, they need to label the GM salmon and all the other GM foods in the marketplace.

The public wants the right to choose. The public should have the right to choose. The issue of GM foods cannot just be about safety. My mantra on this one: Even if genetically modified foods are safe, they are not necessarily acceptable.

Before I get to the issue of people's aversion to GM foods, I just want to say that when I find the individual who coined the term "Frankenfood" as a purjorative for these foods, I'm going to beat him with a sack of doorknobs and then force him to watch every episode of "Greg the Bunny" until he scoops out his eyes with a celophane tape dispenser. Frankenstein reanimated dead tissue. If a scientist developed a method of bringing dead grain and other food plants back to life after they had died, a person would have to be completely out of their gourd to oppose it. Said person should be sterilized immediately. Preferably with a rusty fork.

Doctor Moreau was the geneticist (at least, as close as H.G. Wells could conceive of it). But since Boris Karloff never played the Hyena-Swine creature on film and no one went to see the adaptation with Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer, people use the "Franken" term. It speaks to the ignorance of the individuals who both generated and continue to use the term.

Actually, considering the Freshman Senator from Minnesota, the "Franken" term may be apt. I mean, the guy just has to be an escaped genetic experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. There's simply no other explanation for it.The psychotic aversion to genetically modified foods by some has festered into a hatred far out-distancing any held by a Klansman, Third Reich operative or Democrat Party strategist (but I repeat myself). Rather than being content in themselves to simply eat foods certified as not being genetically modified, these circus side-show rejects insist that nobody should ever risk being exposed to possible contamination from italicized words or genetically modified foods. It's as if these people think that Resident Evil was a real event and actually filmed in a greenhouse.

No scientific study outside the organichippie foods industry has ever shown genetically modified foods to be harmful. There's more danger from eating tofu seventeen meals per week, taking the massive injection of estrogen into your system; the lack of animal protein starving your brain of desperately-needed nutrients that our genetic makeup requires for proper neurological development.

Speaking of hippie foods, why do these organic food eating vegan hippie retard pull-out-method-failure protazoa-dicks care about genetically modified salmon? Perhaps, in their diminished capacity resulting from not having the genetically required animal protein for advanced brain development, their thinking process seems somehow logical to them. "I'd never eat an animal and don't think anyone ever should, but only non-genetically modified salmon should be on anyone's dinner table!"

Stop trying to think, mouth breather. You might hurt yourself.

Of course, that's the extreme case. There are people who aren't vegan who oppose genetically modified food. These people need to be given a free one-way ticket to Mogadishu so they can experience a world without genetically modified foods. Not because Somalis turn down GM foods, of course. "No, I'm sorry, Mr. Peacekeeper Man, but you must take this rice away. It does not have a 'No GM seed' stamp on it. My family and I choose to starve rather than accept the product of a successful genetic experiment."

Um... Yeah, that seems likely.

Reality check: Almost all foods we have today were genetically modified through selective breeding. There is no place on Earth without genetically modified foods. The only way to go without genetically modified foods is to not eat. Or, y'know, eat pond scum.

In just 500 years, corn (or maize to you liberal veggie-loving brain dysfunctional types) has more than doubled the size of the cobb and tripled the mass of the individual grain. Tomatoes are larger, juicier and more resistant to disease than when they were first cultivated. Cucumbers are larger (and are increasingly enjoyed by lesbians, fat chicks and Barney Frank). Cows have grown in size and calmed in demeanor since being domesticated, while sheep are increasingly more attracitve and compliant in sub-dom relationships. Banana trees grow bigger fruit clusters and produce larger fruit (intimidating even the most virile vegan men). All by genetic manipulation. Much of it done for thousands of years by simple farmers who wouldn't have known a DNA strand from my Uncle Herb's ass hair.

Somehow, this type of genetic modification is okay to the religious leaders of the Church of Organic Foods. As long as it takes place slowly and over many generations, it's invisible to them. Maybe since they can't see it or feel it, it's like it's not there. Maybe Medicaid should take the same viewpoint when these tofu-swilling morons end up with prostate cancer.

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Resident Obama: Situation Room

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Desperate Johnny

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No Offense, Cracka, it's just Bidness

What y'all upset about?

Hmmm, I seem to have intercepted a strange communication;

I can see you're all upset about shit like this right here, where the NAACP is calling that Kenneth Gladney dude an "Uncle Tom" just 'cuz he don't "walk the walk" of a black man whose been victimized by society and can't get ahead 'cuz that same man, or "The Man" is keepin' the brother down.

Y'all got to understand, a person has to make a living, and being a Race Hustler is a competitive and demanding profession in 2010, what with all the damn equality and crap going on these days.

Now, a couple of the younger brothers might be getting a lil' out of hand lately with the death threats and attacks on some of y'all crackers, but you need to know, it's just bidness y'all. Aint nuthin but a thang!

Tell y'all what, you just help a brother out and it'll all go away. In other words, donate sucka!

Oh, and you might just wanna spread it around, my friends are hungry too.

Who the heck is this guy?

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The Suck is Strong in This One

Markos (of Daily Kos) is whining about why PMBNBC doesn't like him, and supposedly banned his lame ass;

I've criticized Chris Matthews before, sometimes harshly, and it never led to me being banned. This was not about criticizing some random MSNBC host, but about criticizing the network's token conservative, a man who wilts in the face of the awesome power of Twitter and its 140-character limit. Morning Joe happens to be Griffin's pet project at MSNBC. He's staked his career on it, and as such, lets Scarborough call the shots -- to the point of having its least successful host dictate the guest list of its most successful one.

At least Markos admits one thing, MSNBC is all leftist hackery, except, apparently (allegedly) Scarborough. Oh, and of course, @Markos now, cuz he's friggin banned. heh

Wow, MSNBC won't have him, who's left that's left? Maybe Kos can get a gig at Logo?

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The Touch of Obamus

Once upon a time a tiny nation had a great King. King Obamus was loved by his people, well, by 52% of them anyway. Obamus loved golfing and spent every minute possible on the links. One day while swinging wildly in a sand trap Obamus saw a satyr cavorting drunkenly on the green. They partnered for the remaining holes and Obamus took Slickus Willus, the satyr, home to the White Palace. There Obamus and his wife, Wookie, entertained him with lavish parties, sparing no expense. After several weeks of non-stop party, all on the taxpayers dime, the satyr brought a strange man to meet Obamus. The man was hugely fat, extremely sweaty, red-faced and appeared to be out of breath. He was clothed in only a towel which he held with one pudgy hand to keep it from slipping off. Obamus instantly recognized Goreacle, the god of nature, drunkenness, polar bears and massage parlors.

"I owe you a debt of gratitude," said the strange towel wearing god, "Slickus Willus is my teacher and my boon companion, he has told me how you found him lost upon the green and of the millions of your taxpayers dollars you have wasted upon his entertainment since you rescued him. I will grant thee one wish as thanks for your unselfish redistribution of wealth."

Obamus instantly knew what he wanted, the King of Phrygia, one of the neighboring kingdoms, had recently received a gift from Dionysus. King Midas' touch could turn things to gold. A power like that would be even better than pay-go.

"Let me make my wish perfectly clear," began Obamus, but just then a young servant girl walked past with a flagon of wine.

"Uhhm, yea, ok, done," said the god over his shoulder. The towel was still fluttering to the ground at Obamus' feet while the god rushed after the servant girl, whispering cajolingly.
Obamus rushed off to try out his new powers. Bursting into the throne room he found his advisor, the dread Rahmbus. "Check this out!" said the excited Obamus, grabbing Rahmbus' arm. Rambus emitted a short lived shriek and turned to... something totally disgusting. Now it was Obamus' turn to shriek. Advisers and fellow travellers rushed into the throne room to see what was wrong. Obamus was wild with fear and confusion. The throne was now a huge dripping pile of crap, as was the desk, the other furniture and poor Rahmbo. "Where is all this corn coming from?" mumbled poor confused Obamus, "Find that disgusting god!"

The Goreacle was nowhere to be found. Weeks passed, then months. Obamus' advisors calmed him and kept him aloof, he seldom met with people from outside his inner circle. Rumors began to spread throughout the kingdom. Rahmbo and the throne room had been cleaned, though the odor lingered. Obamus took to wearing gloves, and kept on with his agenda of stealing from his subjects and growing his government at their expense. He no longer touched anything, the Wookie was thrilled, but strange things began to happen.

Obamus' favored aristocrats began to be overthrown by the people. Obamus' own handpicked General, leading Obamus' "good war" turned against him and had to be flushed. Every new law that Obamus and his minions forced upon the people only served to anger them, the percentage of people who loved Obamus plummeted. Obamus' handpicked judges and sherrifs were hated by the people, a group of aristocrats in the rubber stamping houses of legislation began to oppose his every move. Obamus and his minions continued to spend like drunken sailors but with no gold to refill the coffers the foreign nations that lent Obamus the money began to circle like vultures waiting for teh overladen beast to fall. Obamus's Touch had grown beyond the need for physical touch, anything Obamus now desired was tainted and turned to... crap.

An evil witch appeared in the throne room one day. Nancus told Obamus he must travel to the headwaters of the great river and throw himself in to wash away the Goreacle's failed, inverted spell. She volunteered to take him herself on the broomstick Obamus' government had provided her. They flew for hours till they reached the small creek flowing from a mountain spring. Obamus leaped into the waters, desperate to salvage his agenda for the kingdom. At the instant he hit the waters thunder pealed across the heavens, Nancus' broomstick turned to a canoe and plopped into the now thick, brown, reeking waters of the creek. As Obamus clambered aboard the tiny canoe he heard Nancus exclaim, "Great, we don't have any paddles... and where did all that corn come from?"

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Separated at birth

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Dirty Harry Reid

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Census Cats

And now for the Cheech and Chong routine about the census cats:.. Only, Cheech has been under the weather and filling in for him is President Obama, who accepted this bullshit gig because he doesn't get enough positive mentions in the press.

Obama: [knock knock]

Chong: Yeah, man, what the fuck? I mean who in hell are you?

Obama: Sir, Uh, I've been trying to find out who lives, uh, in that house across the street. Nobody, uh, nobody answers.

Chong: Yeah man, that's a funny place, man. Why the fuck are you calling me Sir, Mister Preside... oh fuck I fucked that up. Shit. [pause] Hey, you got a light?

Obama: Uh, no.

Chong: Just a hemidemisemiquaver then, man, Ima go grab a light offa the stove.

Obama: Uh. That's okay then.

[a very long wait]

Chong: Man, that electric stove really sucks as a lighter man. Doesn't light a cancer stick worth a tinker's damn. I had to hold my cig against the eye for like five minutes. And then I had to smoke a bong cuz I can't believe the fucking President is at my front door. Man, this is some crazy shit or I been smoking some crazier shit!

Obama: Uh. So... about the house across the street.

Chong: Yeah, man, what a bunch of crazy cats over there man. They keep crazy hours and shit man. Must be fifteen or twenty of them.

Obama: Fifteen or twenty? Is that one family?

Chong: Yeah, man, it's like an extended family and shit with grandparents and parents and little kitties, man.

Obama: Grandparents, and parents, uh, and little kiddies?

Chong: Yeah, man, those are some crazy cats over there. You ought to hear their music, man. Like something Yoko Ono would sing in space, if there was sound in space. Which there isn't.


Obama: Fifteen, uh, are you sure about that fifteen?

Chong: Yeah, man, fifteen easy. [whispers] Say, are you high too? You saying "uh" a lot like you're stoned or something, man.

Obama: [frowns] Thank you sir, that's what I needed to know. You have done a great service to the census and the correct distribution of federal funds.

Cheech: Okay, laterz, man. ... Man what a funny dude, man. Why does the census care about an empty house full of cats and shit?

Obama: [furious, into Blackberry] Timmy? I want you to send your nastiest IRS motherfuckers out and crawl up this guy's asshole and audit him back to the day he was born, and his parents to the day they were born, and back through the generations until the fall of the Roman Empire in Istanbul. Find some fucking dirt on him. Oh, and send $15 million in stimulus money to the poor family of artists across the street.

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A *ucktard, by any other name…

With the recent dearth of real issues to contend with in DC, the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee (wow, that goes together like Alcohol, Tobbacco and Firearms, doesn't it?) unanimously approved the bill that will, if passed, become Rosa’s Law. From The Hill:

Rosa’s Law, introduced by Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.), had strong bipartisan support.
It would replace the terms “mental retardation” with “intellectual disability” and “mentally retarded individual” to “individual with an intellectual disability.

It doesn’t take a Cro-Magnon to realize how much better off the American people are with the Senate tied up on issues like these. I mean they could be actively screwing us over like they did in December, remember?

But it does leave us with one nagging question. What do we call Joe Biden? Let’s face it, while “the intellectually disabled Joe Biden” does carry a smidgen of humor it will get old. Fast. Will the ‘tard suffix still be usable or will that be illegalized as well? If they take that away from us it eliminates several of my personal favorites!

We can always use the Wicked Witch of the West’s advice and “Wait till its passed to find out what’s in it” but I, for one, would like to have my adjectives prepped and ready to fire when needed. And we’re going to need them Monday when Biden opens the gaff-o-matic at Arlington.

I’m going to need the help of all the Progressive DoucheBag Watchers for this one. Open thread, have at it…

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Democrats this stupid might forget to breathe

The only thing worse than an ideologically stupid Democrat is an old ideologically stupid Democrat, like Hank here;



His "concern" is "...that the whole island may become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."

Admiral Robert Willard, being questioned by dipshit du jour Hank Johnson, shows how he got to be Admiral, by not laughing hysterically at congressional dumbasses and some of their more stupid "concerns".

Remember, these dumbasses think they're smarter than you.

So shut up.

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Why Don't We Get Slobbering Love Letters Like This at PDBWatch?

Some douchebag named Klatu, apparently styling himself after that wonderful example of Beatles copycatting from the 70s, featuring rumors that they were secretly the reunited Beatles, that was going to be the next best thing since the Beatles, wrote a nastygram to some people I know. They don't particularly like me. I'm too retarded in my politeness for their tastes. But they did let me see this slobbering love letter from Klaatu.

He also calls himself happy boy. Pretty fricking droll, hunh?

From: Dan Klatu <vzok7@hotNOSPAMmail BOT com>
Date: Tue, Mar 30, 2010 at 6:07 PM
Subject: Thank You!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you from empowering the morons in this country. I enjoy how anger has become your currency. If toothless tea party members ran this country, it would be a faster road to not listening to the idiots who are your main voice. Don't you ever wonder why almost no one you know has a global view- of course you don't. Maybe they'll sneak off in the dead of night and get their teeth fixed under (oh no!!!) Obama care. Most people who have any balanced view just pity you. You are the pawns (look it up) of the rich and powerful. They rely on your ineptness to help fuel the rage which keeps them semi-powerful. You have the same idiot's mentality that al qaeda has. You can't see anything but what you've been fed. Wake up and travel. I'm willing to bet most of your sheep have never been out of their state let alone out of the country. We've got you figured out and you'll never go anywhere. What morons you all are.

Happy Boy

Here is my loving, considered response:

Dear Danny "Mister Happy Boy" Klaatu,

Sometimes I call a certain something "happy boy," but not in public, douchebag. Maybe your problem is that you aspired to be one of the morons in this country. It would be a huuuuuuge fricking step up from where you are now, butt nugget. Why don't you go ask George Soros, multi-billionaire hedge fund pirate and funder of all sorts of left-wing socialist-fascist-communist mouthpiece front-organizations like Schmedia Schmatters and Schmoooove-On (Yeah Right) Dot fricking Schmorg, how your lovely progressive buddies like Barry and Barney have helped him steal billions of dollars out of the wallets of Americans for the past four years, since the Democriminals took control in 2007? Yeah, your side's benefactor is picking everybody's pocket. He even robbed your wallet, you fooled and sheared Democrat sheep, and all your fellow Democrat riders on the short bus. Turns out there is a lot of money in doing that. Some friend of the American worker you are, drinking the chief money vampire's hateraid and chomping his chocohate chip cookies and acting like the Tea Party gang are the haters, while he robs you blind.

And that is what I think about you, Mister Happy Boy, or should I really be calling you Mister Softee?

Your mortal enemypal,
Bloggo Baggins

p.s. You are a serious douchebag. Get some professional help.

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The French to the rescue?

President Obama wants France to help him turn the tide in Afghanistan.

No, don't look back. You read it right the first time. The ObaMessiah wants the help of the people who got whooped by the Germans at least three times in 70 years, then proceded to get their asses handed to them by the Vietnamese only to come running to us for help. These are the people responsible for half of the problems in the Middle East in the first place, and Teh Won wants their help?

Obama is likely to ask Sarkozy to add to France's current total of 3,750 troops, mostly trainers for the Afghan military. Of course, Bambi dithered for four months trying to figure out the politically acceptable number of troops to send to Afghanistan. Had he supplied General McCrystal with the full complement troops asked for in the first place, he might not need France's help now. Sending more American troops, after all, would be tantamount to admitting that he made a mistake not sending more back then.

And of course, the ObaMessiah is never wrong...

Bambi can't risk fracturing the already strained liberal coalition. Each constituency has their "cause du-jour". One faction wants the U.S. out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Another wants us out of Iraq but fighting the Taliban. Another couldn't care less about the war as long as Obamacare is enacted. Still more are desperate Crap & Tax, Gun Control™, punitive taxes on the rich and/or environmental regulations that send us back to the Bronze Age.

But this coalition is strained. Now they've got "their guy". He promised them he could deliver everything they wanted and pay for it with fairy farts and leprechaun snot. So they want him to make it happen, and each one wants him to make their issue his top priority. The longer he waits on their particular favorite issue, the angrier they are getting.

So he got Obamacare. Now he needs this darn pesky war to go away so he can focus on his other constituencies. So he goes to the nation that is easily his closest ideological ally: France. Y'know, the country that has been trying to enact socialism since before Marx wrote his manifesto. The country that forces people to work fewer hours to ensure artificially lower unemployment rates. The country that has riots every time a Minister of Parliament sneezes. The country that actually licenses line dance callers for "safety purposes". Yeah. France.

Now, I'm not about to say to the French, "No, you can't send your troops to Afghanistan." The more help we have killing Taliban jihadists, the better; and frankly the Foreign Legion is one good thing the French military has going for it. That said, for Teh Won to come groveling to Sarkozy for help is utterly ridiculous. The French public hate that French troops are in Afghanistan in the first place. They don't want us to succeed, or at least, not with their help.

Bambi can't swallow his pride and admit to America he was wrong. His whole political existence is built upon being right, dammit! Bambi is never wrong! Don't you know that?!?! He's never wrong! He's NEVER WRONG!!!1!11!!1!

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Separated at Birth

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Joke: The Priest's last wish

In Washington DC an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.

He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The House and Senate waited for a response. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Pelosi, “This certainly will help our images and might even get me re-elected.”

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Reid’s hand in his right hand and Pelosi’s hand in his left.

Nancy Pelosi asked: “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And so since Jesus died between two lying thieving bastards, I would like to do the same!”

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The True Voice of Obama Revealed at Last

From all signs, Resident Obama's real voice is not the mellifluous baritone with which we are so familiar from his 450 or so public speeches in 2009. In reality, it's more of a nasal, high-pitched north-side Chicago accent.

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech


Check it out, check-it-outers (props to RedEye)

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Barack Obama will be admitted to Celebrity Rehab

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Hey, where are all the black people at?

Keith "Worst Douchebag in the World" Olbermann wants to know where all the black people are.

Keith, just so you know, they are at tea parties getting beaten up by SEIU thugs and having their skin cropped cropped out of the shot by racist network news editors.

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An interview goes very wrong

Keith Olbermann meets a hostile interview: Joe Average Voter.

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Robot Bartender

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

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The Promised Land

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land".

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, Savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Karachi Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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Zinn is Everywhere

Howeird Zinn was a religious fanatic, and a bad historian. A religious fanatic, you say? But how is that possible? He was a communist, an atheist, a secular humanist, an anarchist, anything but religious.

Yes, he was. Those are religions too. Even socialism.

There is this to be said in behalf of avowed and doctrinaire
socialists, that their faith in the State is sublime. To them, the
institution of political power is the unerring shepherd of the flock,
the guide to the Good Society; it is also the antidote for all evil,
the maker of abundance, the embodiment of justice, the sublimation of
human aspirations. That they believe. To be sure, they affect an
elaborate rationalism, something they call dialectical materialism,
which in turn rests on a verbal agglomeration known as Marxian
economics. Logic and fact without end have been applied to these
notions to prove that they are only notions. But all this cerebration
has turned out to be sheer waste of effort as far as influencing the
true worshipers is concerned. They still believe. One cannot help but
marvel at, and admire, their devotional integrity.

The religion of socialism will come into its own, its devotees maintain, only when the devil worship of capitalism is done in.

Poor Howeird Zinn. I hope he enjoys his new job as Satan's inverted umbrella stand.

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DOJ Now With Even More Kafkaesque

In case Eric Holder's Department of Justice isn't Kafkaesque enough, with dropping clear-cut cases of voter intimidation that had already been won against New Black Panthers who were filmed outside a polling place swinging nightsticks and telling white people not to vote there, prosecuting Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in a civilian criminal court in New Fricking York for waging war against the United States, sending Elian Gonzalez back to the communist hellhole of Cuba (yes, Holder was the one), and refusing to pursue charges against ACORN, guess what? It can get even more Kafkaesque.

Justice is advertising for prospective trial attorneys in its Civil Rights Division. The ad specifically says that the department encourages applicants who suffer from “mental retardation” and “mental illness.” It is one thing to accommodate those with illnesses that do not otherwise render them unfit to serve in a highly demanding and elite corps of DOJ attorneys; but to seek out those who are “mentally retarded” for special consideration is certainly novel.

Here is the screenshot for your non-progressive eyes to see. Progressives will not need to see evidence with their eyes. They process every vying truth claim through their ideology lobe instead of using common sense and getting the facts straight.

So it is possible that the DOJ could send a mentally ill, mentally retarded, completely paralyzed, blind, and deaf attorney with dwarfism and gigantism out to pursue a RICO case against ACORN and SEIU.

...

Suddenly it doesn't seem quite so unexpected...

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Barack Obama Reads My Pet Goat

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Resident Obama knows Healthcare

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What if the Despicable Woody Allen were black?

Ever wonder what would have happened to Woody Allen if he were black and he married his step-daughter? Well, now we have the chance to see. Morgan Freeman, you know the guy who played God in those Bruce Almighty movies, is marrying his step-granddaughter.

What the hell?

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Progressive Douchebags almost passed law saying "a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people"

Reason mag pointed out that the Oregon House, anticipating defeat in a public referendum on its tax increase plan, inserted cunning language into the bill stating that a successful public referendum to defeat the tax increase would actually approve the tax increase, and an unsuccessful one would defeat it.

Lies lies lies, typical progressive douchebag Democrat lies.

"A measure referred to the people by referendum petition may not be adopted unless it receives an affirmative majority of the total votes cast on the measure rejecting the measure. For  purposes of this subsection, a measure is considered adopted if it is rejected by the people."

I believe the formal name of the measure was the "FUCK YOU PEOPLE" rule.

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Scot Brown proves it: People want more liberal bullshit!

It's quite clear what the voters of Massachusetts told us yesterday when they elected Scott Brown, the Conservative Republican, to the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy:

"WE WANT MORE LIBERAL BULLSHIT!"

The voters of the most liberal state in the nation told us that, in an act of pure irony, they wanted more hopey-changey stuff! They want Obamacare! They want Crap and Tax! They want Unionization by Intimidation (aka Card Check). They want more Chicago-style back-room deals! So logically, they voted for the conservative Republican.

Just look at the following e-mail from Moveon.org:

Dear MoveOn member,

Watching a conservative Republican replace Ted Kennedy in the Senate is simply devastating.

But as bad as the news is this morning, there's actually one reason to be hopeful.

For the last year, most Democrats in Washington have let lobbyists and corporate interests run roughshod over the people's business. Wall Street got bailouts. Bankers got bonuses. Big Insurance rewrote the health care bill. Meanwhile, ordinary Americans continue to struggle to make ends meet.

But now, finally, Democrats know they need to change course to win back voters' confidence. The question is, will they learn exactly the wrong lesson? Will they give up on change altogether? Drop health care reform? Follow the lead of conservatives like Joe Lieberman and Evan Bayh and embrace "Republican-lite"?

We need to make sure Democrats don't get it wrong this time. It's time to demand that they start truly fighting for working families. Pass real health care reform. Rein in Wall street. Take on the banks and special interests that stand in the way of change.

And so on. Now check out this from Levana Health:

America was angry in 2008. Angry with a sinking economy. Angry with a country headed in the wrong direction.

In 2008, America voted for change. We voted to stand up to Wall Street. We voted to clean up Washington. And we voted to guarantee everyone quality, affordable health care.

Last night in Massachusetts, voters stood up and told us that they're still angry and that they still want change. And politicians in Washington must deliver, or else.

With evidence like this, how can anyone deny that Americans desperately want more and more progressive douchebaggery? How can anyone say that Americans don't feel thrilled at the prospect of surrendering their personal sovereignty and handing over 1/6 of the American economy to a Federal Government that is so good at doing things like delivering the mail?! How can Americans not be excited at the idea of IRS-like regulations every time they get a cut on their finger?!

Time to face facts, people: Scott Brown's election to the Senate from Massachusetts is a win for liberalism! Anyone who says otherwise is just a selfish, teabagging astroturfer!

So buck up, liberal America! Scott Brown is a big, big win for you!

/snark

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FIFY Contest: Burgers at the Waterloo

Come on and participate. Here's the basic picture.



And here are the FIFY-fied photo mashups.

 

 

 

 

If you want the blank original here you go.

Comment with your photo mashup. They are fun!

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Siraj Haqqani is a dead man walking

This is disgusting. From the Jawa Report.

Siraj Haqqani is the chief operating officer of the deadliest terror network in the Afhanistan/Pakistan (Af/Pak) theater, the Haqqani terror network. It was established by Siraj’s father, the senile Jed Clampett of jihad, Jalaluddin Haqqani. A heretofore remorseless criminal organization, the Haqqanis realized the real growth industry (i.e. money) for the group laid in embracing the jihad. In a stunning come to Jesus, (whoops) come to Allah moment, the Haqqanis magically embraced the war against the Infidel, as well as defenseless Muslims who didn’t toe their Sharia line. What many don’t know is how much dirty laundry hangs off that line.

When Siraj, who is said to rival Mullah Omar for Taliban leadership, isn’t sending his toughest soldiers to roam the bazaars in search of the little blue pills he uses to fuel a thirst for young boys that would have made Michael Jackson blush, he is busy making sure the closet door remains firmly shut on one of the Taliban’s most damning skeletons, the Haqqani pornography ring.

The ring features Siraj’s physician, Dr. Hassan Duraz as its Ron Jeremy, Siraj’s uncle, Ibrahim as the impresario producer/director and Siraj’s cousin, Ishak as the auteur cinematographer.

Read all of it and watch the video if you must. Tweet it on. This video needs to go viral in order for Haqqani to pay with his life.

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White House Cocaine Fiends?

The Save Jersey Blog was poking around on 4chan.org, where Anonymous hangs out, when it found something going on and took a screenshot. Three lines of cocaine lemon pixie sticks ready to be abused by an unhappy office worker with an iPhone.

Oops! Guess what? iPhones embed all sorts of metadata in their photos, like GPS coordinates and shit.



Need to see it better? Click here.

Guess where those GPS coordinates point? 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue... The White House. It may not be a crack house, but people have done coke there before.

So, is it a prank? Or is it real? I choose to believe it's real, like HOAX and CHAINS are real.

Hahahahaha! I guess I'm not blacker than Obama anymore! Hahahahahahaaaaa!

Who else is getting in on the fun?

Ironic Surrealism, Riehl World View, Snapped Shot, Save Jersey, Jawa Report

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Why Thank You, Lori Ziganto!

Blago has a crush right back at you.

And at sexy, I mean S. E., Cupp.

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A Call for Posters and Watchers

If you ever wanted to post your snark at PDB Watch, now is the time. Do you have an account here? Use it. Do you want an account? Tell me.

For those who haven't posted, and have the accounts... You should post on PDBWatch. And you should feel guilty, guilty, guilty, GUILTY. For it is guilt that elevates conservatives over progressive douchebags, who only feel shame when they have been caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, and sometimes not then. Nowadays it seems they only feel shame when they lose a political battle, so their only moral imperative is winning at any cost and the only thing that shames them is losing.

Sounds good to me. Let's see that they find their way to Shamed Loserville in Miserable Loservania.

In order to bring shame and guilt back into their lives, Democrats and other progressive douchebags need to be drenched in the stink and shame of political disaster as completely as if they had fallen into the Calumet Sewage Treatment works and been sucked underneath several times.

How can PDBWatch help in that struggle? Damned if I know, but you still oughtta

1. feel guilty.
2. post.

In that order.

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Who is the classiest MFer in the world?

The one and only Blago, of course, is the classiest MFing douchebag in the F'ing world. From Esqueer, via the Daily Caller.

It’s such a cynical business, and most of the people in the business are full of shit and phonies, but I was real, man — and am real. This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we hope the guy is. What the fuck? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter. I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.

I'm blacker than Barack Obama too, and I'm a F'ing hobbit!

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Harry Reid just another Racist Democrat

What else do you expect from the party that supported slavery in 1860 and wants to make everyone, black, yellow, red and white, a bought and paid subject of the progressive elites and their governmental-corporatist fascism: Patty cake?

Progressive douchebags!

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The Happy Sequel to Halloween XVII

woooooo hooooooo!

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America Rising: An Open Letter to Democrat Politicians

There is another version of this on YouTube that seems broken. This one works for me.

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Victorious: Danceable Agitprop

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!

Conservatives Victorious in 2010/2012 from Erick Brockway on Vimeo.

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